Important past relationship synastry chart with many (exact) conjunctions. Any insights??

January 1, 2021 at 01:51 (UT/GMT)
(Leo) freezy22
Important past relationship synastry chart with many (exact) conjunctions. Any insights??
I’ve been (casually) into astrology for quite some time but have just recently begun to read charts, particularly synastry charts. Even with my minimal knowledge, I was quite blown away over my and my ex’s chart. It seems to have quite a bit of significance, particularly towards past life connections? As you can see my south node is at an almost perfect conjunction with his mars, and my north node with his Lilith. Additionally, our Neptunes and Plutos are in complete alignment. Our Uranus, and my sun and his moon, are also extremely close. I know mars typically represent sexuality, and the lilith the “darkside” or taboos or repression of sexuality. I find this very interesting as our relationship was… quite something. We got on instantly. It was like we perfectly clicked in soul, emotions, and intellect. We often said talking to each other was like talking to ourselves, it was so effortless, and we were almost always in complete agreement. The only thing…. We had absolutely no sex life. Before meeting him, I had been a pretty strict (and young) Christian who was so repressed sexually that I believed I was asexual. We only had sex a handful of times, and I never enjoyed it. It was actually very painful. It wasn’t until after our relationship ended that I came into my sexuality and realized that I am actually quite a sexual person… I just wasn’t sexually attracted to him. He was quite patient and understanding towards this, but it obviously upset him that we were together (and engaged) for almost 4 years yet I didn’t want to have sex with him. Our relationship ended not because of that, but because he had…. Quite a bit of mental breakdown. Almost psychosis like at times. He couldn’t work for over a year (maybe even still now). By the end, I was extremely exhausted and worn out by him. Before our relationship I had been an extremely introspective and spiritual person, always writing in my journal, always on the path to growth, yet as soon as I met him… all of that stopped. It’s like I completely turned myself off in service of him. That being said, he was an extremely loving person, and I know he had a profound effect on my life and me learning to love myself.

Anyways, I am wanting to know more about our chart and what our placements might mean. Even though the relationship has been over for four years, and I haven’t spoken to him over three, I feel I haven’t properly processed the relationship because I’m not sure WHAT to process. He cut himself off from the world and me, so I haven’t been able to contact him, yet I think about him very often. I see his ‘number’ 27 all the time, everywhere, usually multiple times a day. I feel like there’s some answers/insights to reflect on so I might finally close this chapter (for now… as I’m sure this connection will span many lives).

Thanks in advance to anyone whos able to share their thoughts and insights! It’s much appreciated.
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