Could we ever come together again?

August 29, 2020 at 19:06 (UT/GMT)
(Leo) berryexplosions
Could we ever come together again?
Welp.

We broke up less than two weeks ago. I´m pretty ashamed of my actions, but I became pretty toxic after the breakup. I wanted to initiate NC with him for a month immediately afterward and he told me I could talk to him whenever . . . and I took that too liberally. I´d text him every day and he would respond each time and we´d chat for a min until he stopped responding. I even called him last Sunday and it felt like a normal conversation. I thought I was moving on. He stopped by my place two nights ago to drop off stuff and mentioned that he was going to buy a house and move out of the city--after a week and a half from the breakup. Throughout our relationship, he always discussed us getting married and getting a house for the both of us. I flipped out.

I asked for clarity and he said he didn´t want a relationship and that we could be friends down the line. I told him how much I loved him and thought he was amazing and yes, the relationship wouldn´t work--he couldn´t help me with my needs (which due to my anxiety attachment is extremely codependent and unhealthy). I suggested we should work on ourselves and take this time to focus on ourselves. He told me that I was baiting him and that I was trying to control him (and you know what, I don´t blame him). He also didn´t appreciate me making him feel guilty for buying a house, I told him I was sorry and that I was going to try to work on that with therapy. I also told him I didn´t mean to make him feel guilty, I just felt very hurt and blindsided by the immediate decision. I mentioned trying to date again and going back on apps and just generally ways I´d been trying to move on.

He left my place on a pretty sour/neutral note. But as soon as he left, I went full mental. Texting him to thank him for dropping off my stuff, sending an article about anxious-avoidant attachment styles. I was full-on lashing out. The hurt turning into anger and such reactionary shit. Until finally the next morning, I sent a very horrible text that should have been left in a journal. It consisted of me saying he was still in love with me and that he shuts down his emotions because he is afraid of getting hurt. How exhausted I was by the breakup. How I commend him for moving on so quickly and how I was shocked and hurt by my own emotions and actions during this time. How I was sorry for my part in the relationship. How I should´ve given myself more time before seeing him. How I wish I saw more vulnerability from him (during our clarity talk, he responded to nothing I said, only asking me "Anything else?" He cried a little bit when I talked about our needs not being met in the relationship and how all I wanted was clearer communication with him.).

It was a horrible text I should not have sent. And he responded quickly being like "I have asked for time and you have disrespected that boundary. I have been so considerate about all the conversations you wanted and initiated. I know you can´t control some of this, but we have already established that I can´t give you constant confirmation. Why would you want to be with me if I can´t give that to you? Please don´t put feelings and words inside my mouth and giving me bullshit labels. You are being incredibly insensitive. I have told you about my depression and about my feelings. You are going on dates so it seems like you´re moving on too. I don´t think we should talk right now."

As soon as he sent that text, I was like YUP. Everything he said was right. I felt awful and agreed with him. I told him how awful I felt bringing such toxicity to this breakup and that not talking was for the best. I proceeded to block him on everything.

I want to know if this is the last time I´ll see of him. . . Here are our birth charts together.
Login
Picture attachments are visible to registered users only.
(Log in)

Posts in topic

Sort posts:
August 30, 2020 at 00:15
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com
System message: Post has been written by user Asteroid #448, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
Hey berryexplosions,
This seems more like a horary question than a synastry ask.. But Im interested in the psychological read on this because im not too sure where your take on this is coming from. Has he called you insecure or have you been insecure before him?
August 30, 2020 at 00:52
(Leo) berryexplosions » Asteroid #448
Hi, thanks for your response. I have always been an insecure, anxious person. This is my first relationship and it was a whirlwind--and happened right during the height of COVID. I met him a month before lockdown and ended up living with him for six weeks. It was wild. But after the six weeks, I realized he´s very distant and avoidant towards communication (either that or I became very codependent or honestly maybe both) and often his actions felt secretive. It´s almost like he forgot to put the effort into the relationship. I broke up with him initially (and impulsively), felt huge withdrawal and regret, and we got back together after a week. . . only for him to break up with me the next day after reconciliation. I now learned that he´s moving on--buying a house and leaving the city. It breaks my heart, but I also feel like maybe this was a divine karmic relationship. Anyway. . . here is our horary too :)
Login
Picture attachments are visible to registered users only.
(Log in)
August 30, 2020 at 02:42
(Virgo) rohini moon » berryexplosions
You moved in with a stranger after knowing him for only one month? :63:

In your sidereal vedic chart you are a Leo ascendant with Mercury on your ascendant - which would explain you making this sound like it is all about you. You´re ruled by the Sun as a Leo and your Sun is in Cancer - ruled by the Moon. Are you following this?

And to top it off your Moon is in Aries - you act impulsively without clear rational thinking - especially concerning the long term. Which would also explain your text tangents you send him and them immediately regret it. You need to control yourself. As a Leo asc with your chart ruler in Cancer - you act a lot tougher/confident than you truly are. A back and forth of over compensating when you feel your ego has been bruised, you take things too far if it has. Hence how you said this guy told you that you have obviously have "moved on" due to your already going on dates with other guys........

To me, it sounds like you have too, if that´s the case.. what´s the question?

August 30, 2020 at 11:35
(Leo) berryexplosions » rohini moon
I think I have a lot of work before I can fully move on and date. All the dates I did were a mistake and pushed back my healing. And yes, we did move in after a month. It was crazy and fun and good. It only got harder when we separated and tried to put effort into the relationship from a distance. I have been pretty selfish and one-track minded. Anxiety and trauma can do that to you. I’m not good at self control or taking a step back. I’m trying to give myself as much self compassion as possible and trying to give him compassion and love during this time. I’m not perfect, but this breakup involved two people.

My question was “Could we ever come back in contact again? Could we ever be friends, come together?”
August 30, 2020 at 11:44
(Aquarius) Admiral Hill
Just an overview of the synastry and Nodes I´ll share this:

Moon to person´s North Node:

North Node – Moon
An emotional connect between two people which can last a life time. The North Node-person amplifies the Moon associated qualities of the Moon-person. The relationship is more nurturing and ‘feelings’ dominate. The North Node – person provides support of the outgoing type, physical protection etc and receives emotional nurturing from the Moon-person. Both should take care that the relationship doesn’t turn into ‘needy love’, it might then convert into a mother-child type of relationship. The Moon is the sum of your existence and North Node is an astral force, so this relationship can be quite intense and both may remember past life incidents from their common lives.

North Node – Jupiter
This is a good combination of two planets who apparently seem to be opposite in nature. Both share hopes, higher learning and wisdom. North Node provides the drive and Jupiter the benevolence. These two can grow with each other long-term. Both may have different view-points but in the background they both think on similar lines. This is a combination of ‘desire to experience’ and the ‘ability to philosophise’, thus together they make a great deal of sense. This connect supports both material, philosophical and spiritual growth. If these two people meet when they are older/more mature they might be better able to support each other. Experience and wisdom both balance better with age.

Now let´s look at the South Node - why you may have moved in so quickly and felt such familiarity that may have set that stage and also why things may grow aloof at times.

South Node – Mars
This combination can work as this reduces the arguments and tensions between the two persons. The two have already worked out their disagreements in the past lives. --There will be a few intense arguments in the initial phases, which in time will diminish rapidly.-- However with time, this particular relationship may give the Mars-person a vague sense of suffocation as his Mars energies will be internalised. This connection works better in professional relationships. It is possible that the two were linked by war, arms, or were soldiers in some past life together.

South Node – Venus
Venus is not just the ‘planet of love’, this is his lower energy form. There will always be an undercurrent of teaching and learning in this relationship. This is a very important connect which if the two use mindfully, they can achieve significant progress on the spiritual levels. This connection will start with mutual attraction but ultimately will be a platonic, spiritual one. This connect is not good for a material long term relationship. South Node is disconnected, headless, so can experience on the non-conscious levels. If Venus is operating on his highest levels this can be great, but if Venus is on his materialistic lower energy levels then this will cause frustration to both persons. Venus will express his dissatisfaction while the South Node-Person will be vague and disinterested about it. It is possible that the Venus-person was a husband/wife/lover or teacher of the South Node-person in some past life.



In short, South Node over time grows detached and aloof - initially, there is such a familiarity, like coming home to this person for the South Node individual, but unfortunately it will grow distant with time as is the nature of South Node. They are the South Node person growing aloof.

Your North Node, to their Moon, is like you getting something emotionally from this, and loving it potentially, but the North Node person feels it more. But their South Node is dragging them away from your Mars and Venus which initially was a mutual reception due to potential past life familiarity.

It would denote a relationship best level to learning and growth and not intimacy - love affair etc.
August 30, 2020 at 12:01
(Sagittarius) goldenlion32 » berryexplosions
The Virgo Ascendant is ruled by Mercury and so obviously this one towards perfectionism in relationships with Pisces on the Descendant. This is co-dependent relationships, depending on who has the most Virgo and who is serving the other.
Obviously with a Leo Sun it’s easy impulsive, be fast and furious, and jump into relationships.
Saturn in Aries/South Node Aries as well can be past life experiences with the masculine and also can initiate relationships quite quickly with out thinking about long-term cause and effect or the impact a relationship has on your life financially and shared resources in the 8th house.
Jupiter in Capricorn Return you are ending a 12 years cycles with the masculine and starting a new one. this may have contributed to the ending of the relationship if your soul contract is finished. Jupiter would be the husband in a women’s chart, but it also gives and takes away. Which if you notice in the transits Saturn in Capricorn, Capricorn Pluto, and Jupiter in Capricorn are ending cycles on multiple timelines with the masculine.
You have Mars in Aries and Aries in Chiron affecting your Aries house and 8th house is all about emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, sexual, and financial death and rebirth, another indicator of your life transforming at the moment.
You have the Nodes in your 4th/10th house axis which can also affect your relationship and South Node Sagittarius may be slicing away what no longer serves you in the home life with a partner as 10th house is how your seen as a couple, and North Node Gemini is pretty much division since it’s a dual sign along with Sagittarius.
The Mutable Cross: Sag, Gemini, Virgo, and Pisces is being affected and does represent your relationships, so it makes sense with the Sun in Virgo and Mercury in Virgo (Masculine) there’s some issues about Virgo (Mercury) which is probably the throat chakra and verbal or emotional abuse through arguments. Virgo can get very toxic through words. Which you do have Mercury in Virgo and Venus in Gemini.
You have to remember as well you’re not really that old yet 24 years old and still learning the ropes of relationships, so you have plenty of time to do some inner work and learn how to communicate more effectively in relationships and in a more nurturing.
August 30, 2020 at 14:20
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » berryexplosions
System message: Post has been written by user Asteroid #448, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
I dont read horary, sorry :-(
Look i´ll have to be frank as well. One month is way too fast.yes it was your first relationship,maybe you were too fast with this. good relationships take time to grow. This particular situation it is obvious he liked you back (dated you) really imagined a future (lived with you) and somehow things went boom.

SN is responsible for the instantaneous comfort, sometimes if you´ve never felt such before (1st relationship) it can be very hard to control this absurd feeling because mentally (mercury) there is no basis for this connection. So nothing more will come of it. However in your case he made his interest/move blatant, became friends, asked you on a date? Well something to reach the point of dating/staying together.

Im afraid narcs move similarly fast and if you´ve been love bombed (basically expensive gifts, hounding you on calls, using the "L" word in like the first week, the "perfect" picture painted no fights just love). Its so very easy to fall for this but if his feelings was genuine dont you think he would be shocked as well at the super fast connection. Maybe even withdrawn.

I dont know what to make of your connection but if he wants to run let him run. What can you do? Dont hold out that he´ll come back. Some woman are just volatile and some men are not relationship material.they´re dismissive of your emotions, give you no security and prefer to give you the cold shoulder every time it comes to "that talk".

you poured out yourself to him, he said "anything else"? That was rude, dismissive. And you say he said nothing when it came to his part? So dismissed you and gave nothing on his end and youre insecure.. Just because? Its your first relationship. How do you know he didnt contribute to that with his traits.

How old is he? I was stubborn, prideful, but very good natured when young. Still you couldn´t argue or try to tell me anything. I thought there was only one way to look at things, my way, because i was "intellectually advanced", i could reason very well (subjectively) and i was a bookworm from young. It happened in mid 20s i had a very traumatic relationship and it triggered a break and healing.

Then I had a node connection, by then i had worked on myself to the point where i was now almost a pushover, could very clearly see the others side,could take jokes and insults,i was the person i wanted finally but i showed it to the node contact, who not knowing my past me did not appreciate the changed me. It made me furious because he was uncharacteristically proud, perhaps because he grew up rich or above average. He reeked of pride, the likes of which i never interacted with, he was uncommunicative and he was short, abrupt, mannerless. Small things like just being friends was impossible, because he refused my attempts. He would either avoid me and ignore me or be rude and lord over me or get me in trouble. And i was provoked like that. The ugly spilled out of me but we had strengths in different areas which matched well atleast professionally. He was professionally keen and emotionally challenged, I was exactly opposite and i matured in ways i couldn´t alone.

in your case i think he has thought you not to jump too fast into something. Just take it easy. Im older and was so very volatile just like you. So let me give you golden advice. You want to grow with someone. He threw you away so dont only sit mope.. up your level :37: then sit mope and still keep upping your level :37: you wanted him, you don´t NEED him, make him sorry he didn´t see your value :37:


Current Planets, Astrology Transits, Chart of this moment
Current planets
Planetary positions
Show chart »
Lunar calendar 2022
Moon calendar
Moon in Cancer Cancer
Show calendar »