Help me make things right with my brother :( - Discussions, questions

fishscales "I just know that I need to either atone for this or punish myself, I dont know :("

Punishing yourself is 100% pointless.

Atonement is another matter.

You can atone for what you believe you did by going to your brother and telling him something along the lines of what you wrote in your post. (minus the astrology)

When I was 18 or 19, I had to go to my grandmother and apologize for the way I treated her when I was 13 or 14, because I was such a punk. It was probably just normal adolescent shit, but it bothered me all those years later. I just said I was sorry for treating her the way I did, and that was the end of it.

I would consider it a positive sign that you´re even recognizing this in the first place. Many people never question their own actions, or even look back on them at all after the fact.

Knowing is half the battle...now you just have to act.

Chanaynay53 » fishscales Why do you say "minus the astrology"? He actually was interested in that aspect of it. I already told him how sorry i was and we cried on the phone together. But I feel like thats not enough. I am horrified of my actions

Chanaynay53 » Chanaynay53 Thaank you by the way, i really value being self aware and the truth

leorising I have pluto in house 3 in scorpion. my sisters did horrible things to me. today i understand that my family is invalidated and my father used them against me when i started to study (north node house 9). they entered the dynamics of the local neighborhood, and received social norms. this factor also contributed to increase their violence against me.

fishscales » Chanaynay53 Oh well if he´s into the astro aspect of it, go for it... I just automatically assume people aren´t I guess...

Sounds like you already did what you needed to do...no point in beating yourself up about it any further... The way to atonement from here is to honor what you have learned, and live by it

fishscales » leorising It amazes me when the dynamic of Pluto in the 4th is so obvious in people who have that placement when they talk about their early family life or their mother...

Maybe I need to add the third house to the list...

leorising » fishscales in my case it still adds the fact of my chiron in gemini (siblings) in house 11. karma go hand in hand.
for example, I know that my value is attributed to a man. but my sisters could have helped, since they knew how things works in the world ... so I had to go after by myself.

fishscales » leorising Ah you have Chiron in there too huh?

Didn´t know that...

But I´m sure Pluto has something to do with it too...

leorising » fishscales Edited:
it could be my pluto(3rd) square mars (7th)

goldenlion32 I have Uranus in the 3rd, so I can understand what you´re getting at. It can be much more than brother´s/sister´s, but even cousins, or aunts and uncle´s with that archetype.

Rarely do people even understand when you have one of these planets in the 3rd house the trauma we go through whether it´s Uranus, Pluto, Saturn, Neptune, Mars, there all kind of hard lessons depending on our chart.

So there´s some karma playing out with your brother some how with Pluto in the 3rd house. He might not even be aware entirely until he´s older.

But yes, making amends means the world to people when you do, because people in general don´t really do this very much in life. I´ve probably met a handful in 50 years who actually cared enough to admit their wrongs, apologize, and it made both sides feel liberated and more in balance.

anit Свои ошибки, вы должны исправлять. Ваша Луна во Льве в 4 доме. Вы эмоционально привязаны к семье и любите всеобщее внимание к себе . Также вы очень требовалельны к другим. Вы лучше спросите вашего брата, как ему помочь и стать друзьями в одной компании

Astro-Seek.com System message: Post has been written by user Dharma212, who already deleted profile on this website:
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We Virgos are so hard on ourselves. And forgiving ourselves for what we have done wrong, takes some VERY serious doing! We want punishment for having been so "evil" and misguided, and accepting forgiveness from others is a bit hard on us. That´s just who we are, sweetie.

But you have already done your part of the responsibility. The fact that you even cared, says a lot a good things about you. Cut yourself some slack, :-)).

The best thing about life is that we can undo, repair, and/or make up for what we have done wrong. At least most of the time we can.

Just imagine the ones who can´t do it because that person have already died.

My brother killed himself around 5-6 years ago, and I had been distant from him for more than a decade. I had the training to help him with some deep issues he had, but I was very "busy" with my own life. I had become distant from whole family (long story) for a decade or even more.

It took his dead for me to go back to them.

He had been in jail (long story) for 10-12 years. I never visited him, never called him. The thing is I wasn´t even upset with him or anything. I was just isolated from my family. The environment around home had always been incredibly overwhelming and triggering for me. And my many failures to help them, distanced myself from them.

I was so isolated in my own little world, that when when he finally went out of jail, I didn´t go home to visit him. It wasn´t until several months later, that I finally went home to say hello. And I saw him a few times after that (no more than 3), but our conversations were very short, even if full of love.

Then he took his own life. And I never got the chance to say "I am sorry for having ignored you for so long. I am sorry that I didn´t even try to help you. I am sorry that I have not said ´I love you´ for so long".

My brother had some very deep issues and many members of my family had tried to help him unsuccessfully, even with professional help. I had tried to help him myself before I isolated myself from him and from my family. I gave up on him and on them.

Sometimes we Virgos choose to isolate ourselves from those we feel we can´t help. Because our lives is about helping others effectively. And it is very hard on us to see our loved ones suffering without being able to do anything effective about it. We want to be "perfect" for them. We want to be their "troubleshooter".

But not everyone is on the same level of spiritual awareness. Not everyone is aware of their psychological issues, and are willing to do anything about it. Not everyone is at the level/state of "demand for help".

Sometimes - or most of the time - it isn´t about "fixing them". Sometimes it is just a matter of being there for them; to listen to them; to tell them,"Hey, I am here should you need anything". Sometimes just smiling at them with our eyes full of love is more than enough.

But I was too stupid to understand that. I desperately wanted to "help" them.

Now he is gone and there isn´t anything I can do, but to carry a deep pain inside of all the things I could (and should) have done, but didn´t. Now I carry a wound that isn´t going to heal any time soon.

You have your brother alive, and got the chance that say "I am sorry", and to cry with him. Don´t hate yourself by your past mistakes; we are only humans in a path of self-improvement. You did the right thing, and you should feel proud of yourself; I feel proud of you.

The way to "punish" yourself more effectively, is by smiling at him, and to tell him while staring at him, "I love you, brother. And I am here for you".

Chanaynay53 » leorising Thats awful!! I´m so sorry, i hope you are able to find some peace :(

Chanaynay53 » Dharma212 This made me cry 😭 thank you so much for sharing that with me. It really changed my perspective. I feel for you, I dont know yet what it is like to lose someone close to me. Youre so aware of your thought processes and why you made certain decisions.. I was having such a hard time with this because i didnt understand what made me dislike him when i was younger. I dont know how a part of me could be so mean, and the confusion fed into my guilt.
But once again i appreciate you so much. I believe ive found my people on this site and that at least makes me happy

guitarperson2 As a hyper sensitive person with Pluto in 3rd and being a Cancer Sun, Merc, Libra Moon.. Communicate with him. Since your 3rd 7th and 11th aren´t very populated, I think it would be more listening on your part. Any indicator he picks up that show´s your listening and are truly interested in what he is communicating, will validate what he´s holding in and will allow him to let go of whatever he may be holding on to regarding the troubled youth you´re speaking of.

My moon thankfully accompanies my Pluto in 3rd which allows me to talk things through but I can definitely exhaust people and repeat myself unnecessarily.

guitarperson2 » Dharma212 Thank you so much for sharing this. I´m terrible sorry for your loss. As a younger brother to one sibling (older brother) I cannot imagine the feelings of such a loss. He is a Virgo and very tough on himself like you mentioned. However the more I spend time with him the more I understand him, no matter how busy he is. Families tend to disintegrate these days and never come back together. Once this happened to my family at a young age it was really tough especially being a Cancer and learning from my Grandma (Same Birthday, Same Sun/Moon). She worked for the church and I think its my path in life to pick up where she left off. It´s taken me far off the beaten path and now I am the only one who speaks to every member of my family (mother, father, brother). I´m grateful for my role and I always strive to be better, more compassionate. In this Cancer new moon I´m really dialing in on my behavior and how I can rebuild something as broken as my family. I believe that´s what my brother is trying to do but I never quite understood that until recently.

Again thank you for sharing, your message is very strong.

Chanaynay53 » guitarperson2 Good observation.. I guess i never thought about the empty houses and how that affects the people around me.
I will take your advice, thank you... Is there anything else in particular you noticed about my chart?

guitarperson2 » Chanaynay53 Yes!

guitarperson2 » Chanaynay53 So to simplify things I´d like to just focus on your 2nd Quadrant being your heavily populated area. These houses include: 4th, 5th, and 6th being the Security of Feelings House, Carefree/Fun House, and House of Health. To me it appears your are an integral part of something much bigger than yourself. Your mutable Rising and Sun are key in attracting those whom communicate well with the collective rather the independent types (cardinal). Including a Saturn in the 11th house. However, this is opposite of your Sun which could make you humble in some scenarios and insecure in others. I have sun opposite Saturn and I struggle. However the sub-culture here on the internet wants you to feel the courage to stand by what you believe and pursue it. I know other Cancers born during Saturn in Capricorn (Creating this opposition) and I feel like this aspect creates a hard youth no matter what. Saturn, Neptune, and Uranus were all in Capricorn in my chart and others I grew up with, opposition to all these has always convinced me I was wrong and I had dwindling confidence in anything. My biggest struggle is competition. I would say it´s the Libra moon but it´s not.

On a lighter note you are an incredibly forward thinker. Merc in Station?! That´s super rare! Jupiter for you is in the house of risk taking. If you see an opportunity for a career you´re passionate about, pursue it. Trust your chest feelings! You have moon trine Jupiter such as myself. Trusting my feelings have allowed me to break out of the normal 9-5 mundane lifestyle and embark on being self employed, remodeling, carpentry, all things driven by passion and feeling.

Astro-Seek.com System message: Post has been written by user Travelguy35, who already deleted profile on this website:
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Why in the world would you bully a family member? It makes zero sense to me.

Astro-Seek.com » Travelguy35 System message: Post has been written by user Dharma212, who already deleted profile on this website:
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"Why in the world would you bully a family member? It makes zero sense to me."


Don´t you have anything better to do than being judgmental to someone who is trying to make things right? I guess you are a "perfect" individual who hasn´t made any mistakes in your life.


Perhaps I should analyze your chart to wake you up to the reality of your own life? It would be an interesting "exercise" to make,

goldenlion32 » Dharma212 Yes, the best way to resolve any issues in every type of relationships is to get off the Karpman Drama Triangle. :)

https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/9…

Chanaynay53 » guitarperson2 Thank you!!!

Chanaynay53 » Dharma212 Thanks for the support <3