Why do I struggle to feel accepted by my father?

January 23, 2023 at 15:22 (UT/GMT)
(Pisces) Tina95
Why do I struggle to feel accepted by my father?
Hi all,

I am currently working on healing some childhood wounds, and there is one specific thing I struggle to understand.

The relationship with my father is in general good, I would describe it as safe, reliable and sometimes also really fun. Yet in general we do not spend much time with each other as most of the time he is working (it was always like that).

But despite this "good" relationship with him, for some reason, when I was younger and even to this day, I struggle with actually feeling accepted by him. I tried talking with him about this at some times, and although it helped to "know" that he loves and accepts me, somehow it still doesn´t "feel" like it.

Here is our synastry:
https://ibb.co/zQZ21Ls
https://ibb.co/cN8cdVk

Do you see something which implies the struggle? Or maybe you see something where I could try to "connect" more with him?

I once read that Pisces Suns are just not made to connect close with their fathers lol. Not sure how much truth this is. Happy to hear some ideas :)
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January 23, 2023 at 15:59
(Sagittarius) risu
Hello again lol, this is not astrological, which seems to be becoming how I usually respond in this forum :61:, but I literally just wrote some lyrics and a song around my similar experience so I really wanted to share what I learnt through it.

My experience is with having to decide how they make me feel is what´s true, not the words that they´re telling me. Claiming my own truth, instead of being victim to what they´re telling me is true. Which is definitely a big lesson for me, it has happened over and over again. And I feel passionately about it because it´s the reclaiming of my heart.

"What do you feel, does it really feel true?
Is it love to you?"

It seems very simple but I think it´s the most important thing to question, especially when it´s someone close to you who you might be more likely to believe in and place above how your own heart feels.
January 23, 2023 at 17:05
(Pisces) Mamalina
It might be a lack of moon aspects between you two. Your moon doesnt have any good aspect with your father´s chart. Actually your moon squares his mercury and his chiron. And this can indicate problems with communication in a relationship. You two just don´t have many aspects. I would say there´s a lack of aspects.
January 23, 2023 at 19:13
~Laura~
Hi Tina -

what is first important to know - is your father´s TOB accurate from birth certificate and known to you ?

As without accurate TOB - house cusps and life themes, his energies come from into the synastry - are unknown and one can´t give accurate astrological advice about his personality and your both interaction.
January 23, 2023 at 20:12
(Pisces) Tina95 » ~Laura~
Hi Laura :) Yes, TOB is accurate!
January 23, 2023 at 20:16
(Pisces) Tina95 » risu
I know what you mean, and somehow you are right, I agree with you. There is much decision making involved.

See, the thing is, I truly believe my father loves and accepts me. I see a lot of things he is doing and lot of things he are saying that shows that.

But somehow, just from how I feel (which I can´t really "decide" on), it shows a different picture. It always felt like I needed to meet his expectations for getting accepted. Or I miss a lot of things. Like, asking me how I am doing. It is just not happening.

So I was just wondering if some "energies" are colliding between us, just for my understanding, so I can see things from both sides.
January 23, 2023 at 20:16
(Pisces) Tina95 » Mamalina
Thank you, this could be!
January 23, 2023 at 21:02
(Capricorn) Emanuel
Ah, the notorious Virgo Rising and the tense relationship with the father figure(Leo 12th house)
January 23, 2023 at 23:17
(Scorpio) IceSíckle
Your :178: :152: :194: :181: :153: could be causing some tension between communication. Mercurial Aquas are good at their delivery in a matter-of-fact kind of way that is easy to digest and understand, but they aren´t the type that usually speak with emotions and intimacy and they moreso intellectualize their communications. On top of it he is a :180: :151: and you are a :182: :151:. I feel like this sextile is a grounding presence to you and uplifts his emotions when he´s around you. I have no doubt he loves you, and he shows it through actions, but maybe words need to be reached out more.

Would you say your father had a more traditional provider role instead of a more nurturing role growing up?
January 24, 2023 at 14:27
~Laura~ » Tina95
""See, the thing is, I truly believe my father loves and accepts me. I see a lot of things he is doing and lot of things he are saying that shows that.

But somehow, just from how I feel (which I can´t really "decide" on), it shows a different picture. It always felt like I needed to meet his expectations for getting accepted. Or I miss a lot of things. Like, asking me how I am doing. It is just not happening.

So I was just wondering if some "energies" are colliding between us, just for my understanding, so I can see things from both sides. ""
...................


Tina, what is visible in your chart – is your own personal perception window how you have experienced your father – but it is not the whole picture and how your father really was as a person.

I had a younger brother – and if we - as adults- talked to each other about our parents and our childhood experience - I often had the impression that my brother must have grew up in a completely different family .

Mother and mother experience for me is shown in 4th house – female receptive principle moon house – yours in sag ruled by jupiter. Father is shown for me in 5th house – male active acting out principle and sun house – yours in cap ruled by saturn.

You have experienced your father more as a workaholic – Saturn is in 6th house work - squaring jupiter zero degree exact and semisquaring uranus as work house ruler zero degree exact. Jupiter as the expanding planet energy- known for having tendencies to exaggerate a lot and uranus known for preferring to stay more at distance and having high standards of perfection in all what your father did.

You got the impression from that you are expected to deliver the same – and that you have to do a lot to get his attention or love.

Your 8th house – family traditions, family dogmata, beliefs and opinions and genetic heritage you have grew up in in your childhood and have been shaped from – is in aries ruled by mars- and is male dominated. Mars in male sign leo in 11th house. Sometimes this show a religious belief – that the first born as “Stammhalter” should be a male child – a son. Venus ruling 9th house – religious traditional faith – inconjuncts leo mars as 8th house ruler.

This subconscious thought or first wish that time is also shown with male sign leo in your 12th house ruled by sun. 12th house– the prenatal house and prenatal experience with mother before your birth- in your mother’s womb - as a little fetus during her pregnancy with you. Where mother was the only true world surrounding you – that time. Where you have subconsciously taken over all what your mother thought and felt – as yours and also as true for you and your life. Not yet being able to sort out what was not yours and probably also was misinterpreted.


Sun in 6th house squaring your pluto in 3rd house – thoughts and physical body and physical outlooking and personal style. Pluto is on indecisive, special and high sensitive reacting degree of 0°sag – between 2 signs – like sitting between 2 energies, 2 chairs , between 2 worlds - the visible and the invisible one – being aware of both at same time.

Your pluto is in own ruled 3rd house- perceptions and sensory organs and you are able with to notice what is really going on under the surface of people – even if they tell you different with their words.

If one of your parents would have had first the wish – to more prefer to have a son than a daughter – this would be something – you will never be able to work on successfully and a goal you could ever achieve in your life.

And you probably took the impression from that “something is wrong with you and your body” – venus ruling your 2nd house – physical body semisquares your sun in 6th house – ruling your prenal experience in 12th house. And tried to hide and to show your being female – and tried to be more boy-like to not feel hurtedd and to protect your inner wound chiron in 1st.

Pluto in 3rd house physical outlooking and radiance – others can notice from you – sextiles your uranus in 5th house – male gender and trines your virgo chiron in 1st house - ASC ruler mercury in 5th house male gender, as well.

But your father himself probably has forgotten all - when he was able to hold you as his daugther happily and healthy in his arms - after your birth.

Your pluto was since last year May 2022 transit activated for an improvement and a change in your life by transit jupiter. To see past things in a different light - being more life-experienced now.

Jupiter rules your 4th house, emotions and your basic trust and what you need to feel yourself well and welcomed and at home. This is what jupiter in transits takes along to talk about with your natal planets as it´t intention - when activating a natal planet in your chart. But transit has just ended.
January 24, 2023 at 18:51
(Pisces) Tina95 » IceSíckle
Yeah this could be.

He was definitely a provider in the sense of money, material stuff and help with school / career stuff. Besides from that I actually didn´t had much time with him. He worked from 8am until midnight for about the first 20 years of my life.
January 24, 2023 at 19:01
(Pisces) Tina95 » ~Laura~
Thank you so much, Laura! These are so interesting insights!!

I actually have an older brother, and we share the feeling of not feeling accepted. We spoke a lot about this. Sometimes he struggles even more, because my father tends to expect a lot from him - or to say is often disappointed with him, because my brother is not typical "male" - he is calm and very passive, which my father don´t like to see.

Sometimes it even felt like I should "carry this out", by being the more "active" and "aggressive" one - which I did a while, especially in career, but it didn´t make me happy at all. It made me abandon my female, sensitive sides. So this fits to your description as well. As I changed this, I feel much better!

Could you explain me a little bit more what you said about Pluto at 0 degrees, sitting between two energies? I never payed attention to it. I informed myself about the placement in Sagittarius, but never about this degree placement.

What you wrote explains so much. This really helps a lot!
January 25, 2023 at 02:48
~Laura~ » Tina95
""Could you explain me a little bit more what you said about Pluto at 0 degrees, sitting between two energies? I never payed attention to it. I informed myself about the placement in Sagittarius, but never about this degree placement.""

To have a planet on 0° - like your pluto in 3rd house on 0° sag - this is a mediator gift - to see both sides as same enrightened and to mediate between between 2 persons. In 3rd house - house of siblings - you´ve been a mediator between your brother and your father. You´ve felt that your father has missed a more male like son - and tried to give it to him by acting more male like as his daughter. And to get your brother a little bit out of the "shooting-focus".

I´ve experienced same with my younger brother - who wasn´t of my father´s taste - was not successful and straight enough for my father - nor in school neither in later in his professional life. My father was a workaholic, too and always expected all of us to perfectly function as a clock work and had very high standards of perfection. But in the inside he was a very emotional man - who always dit his utmost for all of us and same for his employees -who had family and children - to help them.

You can imagine a planet on 0 degree like standing in the doorway between 2 rooms- able to see and to be aware of both at same time and being able to function in a discussion de-escalating and to find a solution like a bridge - both can meet each other in a more neutral way. To see and feel the deep emotions and issues- the scorpio side and to be able to motivate and to give new hope into a situation and to another person- sagittarius.

Planets on 0° are said to have brought a spiritual task into this life - to help other people. A planet energy on 0° like your pluto squaring your sun is an intense radiance energy - attracting others and leaving an impression - others remember and don´t forget - either good or bad - black or white - mostly nothing in the middle. Able to send a kind of "spark energy" -to get the inner light in another person on and glowing again - without doing anything - only just being present.

And persons with 0° placements attract each other like magic - for a certain reason and for serving the Grand Whole - we are all connected together in. All getting continously an energy "wake-up-call" if a transit slow moving planet enters 0°of a new sign - causing a zero degree exact energy wave - all person in the world having a placement on 0° participate in and get activated the same time. Sure everybody in a different way - depending on kind of aspect and which house the activated planet on 0° rules.

B.t.w. - your father has 3 planets on 0°. :78: You both zero degree exact interact with each other - closer is no more possible. But 0° aspects can get really "under the skin" - this energy is not always easy to stand - especially if additionally transit activated - like it was since May last year with transit jupiter having entered 0°aries.
January 25, 2023 at 03:35
(Scorpio) Lonerose99
Wow 😳 your father sounds just like mine was. Workaholic you say, mine too. He owned his own business, a tv sales & repair shop. Successful, well-liked in the community, honest in business, all the good things it took to run his shop for 30 years. But at home? Provided for my siblings and I, and that´s how he showed his love and care for us. That´s it. So I looked at the chart and I see he and your father are both Capricorn Suns! No emotion shown. He was authoritative, was yours? It affected us all. Grown, I myself realized it was because he had so much love for his kids that he was unable to show emotion, you know what I mean? Yet it was there. The only thing that was an indication of his love & acceptance was his possessiveness towards us, we were his kids, we belonged to him! Didn´t matter what age we were. Which isn´t a good way to be, possessive. Unfortunately, if he were a little more open to us, he may have had a fuller & happier life in old age.
January 25, 2023 at 10:47
~Laura~ » Tina95
""Here is our synastry"
........................

Your synastry is some hard to read - as the planet placement grid below to easily compare both planet placements at first glance- is cut off and missing.

Odd to see that your father is born same same day and year (not month), my younger brother was.


Still don´t know /understand to get the image itself in this post - although Petrov explained it to me ....sigh... I will have a look at his explanations again.


https://ibb.co/2tQhH2q

Hah! Got it ! :5:

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January 25, 2023 at 12:24
iris70
Dearest, :)
Although there is a lot that you and your father have in common, you share love and care for each other, what I consider to be very important is that in natal you have :151: :194: :160:. It is not a surprise to see that in synastry this :160: of yours is tightly :191: his n :155: :157:, which is part of his natal T-Square involving his chart ruler :154: too.

Your father is a controlling/manipulative individual. He definitely cares about you, that is beyond question, but since he perceives himself being rather weak, he needs you to do what he wishes to feel that you act according to what he considers to be safe. Such individuals cannot easily get into the shoes of others. *This is what you ought to do to make me happy. Don´t you love me? Make me happy! Why are you passive? Don´t! Do exactly the opposite! If you don´t, then do not expect me to accept and love you...*
Of course, he does not say all this in words but this is the attitude manipulative people have. They do not even listen to you and your arguments/to reason! It´s not that they are not interested! Quite the opposite, they care so much about you, they have intense emotions for you, but you ought to do what they wish, to prove your love, to do what they desire to make them happy.

A person who feels strong does not need to manipulate others. He is supportive and allows to the others the freedom to choose what way to follow, always remaining supportive/accepting by their side. *You haven´t done it well? No worries, I totally trust you, you will do it much better next time* Manipulative people do not really trust other people easily either. Oh, there is so much to say on the subject!

The fact that he is a weak individual is easily spot in his chart. He has to learn how to use his ego in a constructive way; it appears that he is still learning! It is possible that he experienced neglect in his childhood, he has identity issues, maybe something related to his father principle, which may have been the cause of his low self-esteem.

Trust yourself, be yourself, follow the path of your choice in this life, because this is YOUR life!

:1:
January 25, 2023 at 18:35
(Pisces) Tina95 » ~Laura~
Wow, thank you. This resonates a lot.

I see that now, too, that he has 3 planets with 0 degrees. No wonder - he is one of a kind in many aspects. A lot of people know him and remember him. He definitely goes unusual ways, too.

This is so interesting, because I always felt like the description of Pluto in Scorpio would fit somehow too, now I know why.

The situation with your brother and father: Interesting that you experienced the same. It was exactly the same for me! I actually do this until know, that I somehow mediate between them - yet alone my showing him I go my own way too, so he stops "comparing" - he used to do that a lot which I hated. Always sentences like: "See, your sister does xyz a lot better!" - Or the other way round, depending on the topic.

Really interesting. You helped me a lot!
January 25, 2023 at 18:41
(Pisces) Tina95 » Lonerose99
I feel that. Of course it depends on other placements too, but the Capricorn Suns I know use to work a lot. I understand it today, he did a lot to make us a beautiful, carefree life, I see that and I highly appreciate that.

The thing is just, you don´t understand this as a child, and I found it very hard to connect with him when I was younger. I basically never saw him, because he worked the whole day and also on the weekends, but when we had summer holidays, we suddenly spent three weeks together. But it always felt "weird", because there was so much time "missing" - like you didn´t really know each other.

My father is authoritative, too. It gets better now that he gets older though :D He also owned his own business, with a lot of employees. He actually admitted at one point that he finds it hard that "we have our own minds and he is not a boss at home". This sounds strange from a "family" view, but I get what he means and I was actually very happy he admitted that.
January 25, 2023 at 18:48
(Pisces) Tina95 » iris70
Well I am not sure about him being weak, it actually seems to be the opposite.

He can be somehow manipulative - not in a "bad" way, he just very much wants to get things done on his own way. Or he only sees his view.

E.g.: I once shared my compassion for people who suffered under long-term side effects from the covid vaccination.

Then he starts to say that this is completely wrong, because the number of people who suffered from side effects from the vaccine would be super low.

And I was like: ... Yeah sure, I never doubted that, I just wanted to share my compassion for the FEW ONES who have it.

And then he started arguing again and again how "wrong" and "unreasonable" my view was, told me to see the facts etc., and completely failed to understand that I just wanted to share my compassion - I never wanted to make a discussion about how often the side effects occure.

And things like that happen a lot.
January 25, 2023 at 18:58
(Virgo) rohini moon » Tina95
Sun conjunct Saturn.... in a sign ruled by Saturn..



I don´t know anyone who has Sun sitting with Saturn who doesn´t have a rollercoaster of a relationship with their father. In Vedic astrology - it actually has just as much a detrimental effect on the father himself as it has on the native who has such placement. Usually the fathers luck/all around happiness improves when the child who has this placement moves out as an adult. From there on out, as long as they don´t live under the same roof as the father they can actually maintain a pretty decent relationship with one another.. Interesting to note the disagreement you mentioned having with him surrounding health. Your Sun/Saturn in Shatabishak nakshatra is usually indicative of a person who helps/ works in healing others /and or healthcare themselves.

"Yet in general we do not spend much time with each other as most of the time he is working (it was always like that)."

Also interesting to note, everyone I know who has this conjunction also had a father who worked A LOT. Would be seen as a "workaholic" by outsiders- but really they just have strong work ethic as Saturn (Mr. Discipline) is sitting beside The Sun (Dad)
January 25, 2023 at 19:13
(Pisces) Tina95 » rohini moon
Thank you so much! Interesting that you saw this placement combined with struggles with their father.

What you write is so true. The moment I moved out with 21 the relationship got a lot better. I much more enjoy going out to dinner with him, talk with him for hours, and then we go "seperate" ways again for the next days.
January 25, 2023 at 20:02
(Scorpio) Lonerose99 » Tina95
"happy he admitted that"
Oh don´t I know that too!
Because there came a time when he was in the hospital, he was glad to see me each time I came. But then after talking about generic crap, he would tell me to go home! I mean, instead of keeping company with him, he´d say go home, I´m sure there is something you need to tend to. Finally I said nope, kids grown, husband passed, I have all the time in the world to sit right here with you, Dad. He looked at me, and just clasped his hands together and said when I get outta here I want to see you and get to know you. Omg. Literally YEARS of contention just melted away. That was a gift he gave to me. I knew it! I knew there was something there in him all along. I kept going to visit him. But sadly he didn´t leave the hospital, he passed 3wk later.
It´s awesome to be validated by a parent, isn´t it.
January 25, 2023 at 21:19
(Pisces) Tina95 » Lonerose99
Oh this breaks my heart that he passed away soon after that :( This is really sad. But still, wow, so happy you had the chance to have this conversation with him.

I know this feeling so well, when you get validation by a parent, it is really a relieve.

My mother tended to be very unemotional and sometimes demanding too (not Sun in Capricorn, but Asc and Moon haha). And I once had a very emotional talk with her, sat there nearly crying again and raised a question I always had:

Why did you never comfort me when I cried? Why did you always leave me when I cried?

Because this is one of my most painful childhood memories, that my parents always left me alone when I was crying, which made me feel even worse. And the older I got, the less I could understand how you could leave your child alone when it started to cry.

In this talk, she left and said she wasn´t able to talk about that. But a while later, she handed me a letter, where she apologized. She wrote she had problems with her parents for some time too and she understood my issue, although hers had been different ones. She explained why she weren´t been able to be there for me when I had been crying, and that it was never a matter of love, she just couldn´t do it better. And that no matter how things "look like", she would always care for me.

WOW. That was a moment. I literally felt such a relieve. Forgiveness was so easy after that. And my relationship to her had never been better since then, too.

Crazy right? What such simple words can do.


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