The most pink-glasses ever.

September 27, 2021 at 11:25 (UT/GMT)
(Leo) Northerneuropean
The most pink-glasses ever.
I recently had (exactly one year from exact date to exact date (which is also interesting, but I have to look at transit)) a relationship with a girl that I first saw not as a potential wife, but as a wife.

After meeting her, I called a friend and said I had a feeling I had met my wife. :D

I have never had that feeling. But this is most likely because:

My Anti-Vertex conjuncts her Juno (exact)

My Juno (+Pluto + Valentine) conjuncts her Jupiter (exact) and POF

When we met each other and talk for the first time, that was a first time, when we took each other´s words out of our mouths and finished each other´s sentences.
because of other mercury aspects (we have a lot of trines). Or because of the conjunctions of the moons?

But the best thing about it all was the immediate attraction. When I talked to her, I couldn´t stop smiling and admiring her. For the first time in my life, I liked the other person so much that It was impossible to stop looking at her until she or I turn my head away, because the joy seems to be too much. : D

Probably because of that:
my Venus trine her Sun (3 degrees)
my Jupiter trine her Sun (1 degree)
Her Venus trine my Sun (7 degrees)
her Venus is in my 7th house
her Venus conjunct my DSC

and probably:
Valentine DW apsects
(My Valentine conjuncts her Jupiter, Her Valentine Conjunts My Jupiter and Venus)
I dont know thats because of Valentine aspects, but first time in my life I felt such a sacrificial love. When she was injured during an event, I was ready to run across the field, leaving my team without a player only to save and protect her. When she was in pain, I felt like I could do anything to relieve her from the pain.
When we had an argument, I couldn´t wait anything more than a moment to ask for forgiveness. For the first time in my life, I had such a strong desire to protect someone. I´m not one of the most active people (I am very passive), but I found everything for her - a job, a place to live, I traveled half a country every week to meet her, even though it was financially unprofitable (I said it was a job) (which was true, but I lost more than I earned)) ...

Maybe thats because of chiron moon conjunction or
my MC conjunct her moon.
Or my pallas + chiron + MC + Moon conjunct her Moon
Or because of 12th house is involved? (My Jupiter+Venus+SN is in her 12th house). Sometimes we have a telepathic ability to feel each other. sometimes you don´t even have to talk, everything is just so clear, but in the same time a lot of misunderstandings, when we are not in good mood or hiding something.

At the same time (maybe it´s because my Venus is in her 12th house), I feel such a endless love for her. I could say she is the first person I love unconditionally. It doesn´t even matter to me whether she will be with me or not. Only the fact that there will be nothing in the end - leaves sadness. But also great freedom. Its strange. I have never sacrificed myself for someone like for her. But I see a lot of fear when shee is close to me, sometimes. But sometimes a lot of familiarity and compassion.

Moon conjunct Moon synastry aspect made us very close and empathic to each other.

There are some aspects I cant understand, like:
my POF conjunct her Chiron

In the end -
Mars - Moon DW aspects
Mars - Neptune DW aspects (trines) and
I think most likely:
We had a magnetic sexual attraction to each other. But Neptune made it all so dreamy that each other´s presence was like being at the end of a romantic movie just before the first kiss.
When I talked to her, I saw her melting and biting her lower lip, while looking at my eyes. I had seen something like that only in movies, but never in real life.
It was the first girl I was ready to kiss for the first time in the presence of all people - at work, on stage, in front of my parents, no matter where. I was turned on only by looking at her right away.

On the one hand, I felt very masculine in her presence, but on the other hand, being close, I literally melted inside. I don´t know which aspect influenced it, but our conversation near each other was so slow and calm that the world around us seemed to stop.

And now about hard aspects (or less hard but difficult ones)

her SN conjunct my Mars (in my 8th house).
sexual attraction, as I said, was unbearable. But we also argued a lot. Phone conversations at times were just disputes. When we met, it was 10 times easier to talk, but also - our opinions often differed. Maybe because

her mercury is in Pisces, but mine in Virgo (opposites).

but I always wanted to reconcile with her.
(SN conjunct mars is past life connection, so in this life we should reconcile).

The worst apsect for us were
my Sun squere her Pluto (we had a power struggles sometimes)

My Saturn opposition her Moon

(I often criticize her statements, but at the same time with great empathy, because I understood her (I have Moon opposition Saturn Natal myself). Sometimes I felt like fatherly figure.

My Saturn squere her Venus
(I liked the way she looked, the way she behaved (Her Venus conj. my DSC in my 7th house), but I often slowed down my emotional responses to her fantastic smile and stunning appearance.

In the end - her Ophelia (171) conjucnt my Sun (exact).
Sometimes after our meetings, I felt unbearable sad. Finally, when the relationship seemed to end (I don´t know if it is over, but it looks like), I experienced the greatest sorrow in my life. I was not able to work or anything else. It seemed that half of me had died.

So that´s my story.

And one more interesing aspect.
Nataly I have:
Grand trine - Mars (in taurus) - Saturn (in Capricorn) - Mercury (in Virgo).
She have:
Mars - Saturn - Mercury conjunction in Pisces (forms only good aspects (trines and sextiles with me, except squere lilith).
Should there be some evidence? Maybe what´s difficult for her to handle (malefic stellium) is simple for me (grand trine of malefics)?
She is very categorical and uncompromising, she can speak very well, but she imposes it all on others and sometimes she acts terrible towards others.
I am also very categorical, I speak very well, but I am very accommodating to others, I can easily understand the opinions of others, I can share my opinions without pressure.
We led discussion evenings together. I was a natural leader while she did her best and fight a lot to get people to listen to her. Although she officially had a higher status. But people trusted me more and sought help from me more.

The 12th house factor is very strange and I can see it. Probably only spiritual union in the end, because I feel less physically atracted to her as time goes, but more spiritually.

I don´t know if there will be anything, because I only have peace if I think it all has to end. I don´t know why, it seems right that nothing will happen there in the end. Its very painful. And very difficult to let it go.
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September 27, 2021 at 11:51
(Leo) Northerneuropean
The composite is interesting, but I dont´t like neptune - moon aspects.
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September 27, 2021 at 11:53
(Pisces) Cind » Northerneuropean
Can you post the composite chart as well.

Also have a look at your progressed synastry as well.

Venus in 12th is usually unrequited love, it always feels for the venus person like the other person is out of reach. My venus fell into my ex´s 12th house and it was very karmic, it just never felt like my love was accepted, appreciated or acknowledged.
September 27, 2021 at 11:53
(Pisces) 11 » Northerneuropean
So you broke up cause too little challenges? Boring eventually?
September 27, 2021 at 12:02
(Leo) Northerneuropean » 11
We did not broke up. But I don´t believe there will be anything. I have no faith in this relationship. Everything that happens indicates that it must end eventually, if not today, than in the future. Maybe it´s just an appearance ... I don´t know.
I believe the most important thing in a relationship is that you see a future of the relationship. Thats exactly the problem. I dont see a future.

I just think it´s karmic... SN conjuncts Mars. A lot of arguments.

September 27, 2021 at 12:04
(Pisces) Cind » Northerneuropean
I think there would have been a lot of struggles regarding work and home life a lot, not agreeing on finances, squares to the mars from moon.

Also your asteroid karma (3811) is at 26 degree Pisces. I am not sure what hers is but watch out for aspects to it as it will show you what kind of karma you have with people. Look at aspects to that point from other peoples planets.
September 27, 2021 at 12:09
(Leo) Northerneuropean » Cind
I agree. synastry is quite well, but there are some killer aspects in composite. :41:
September 27, 2021 at 12:12
(Leo) Northerneuropean » Cind
Her Karma (3811) conjuncts my NN, my Karma her sun.
September 27, 2021 at 12:13
(Pisces) 11 » Northerneuropean
That’s interesting! First you see her as wife. Then attraction reduces. And turns into more spiritual. Sometimes turn into enemies
Sounds like your :154: in her 12th, maybe.
September 27, 2021 at 12:31
(Leo) Northerneuropean » 11
Yes. First of all, We have a lot of attraction and also a lot of arguments, but then it was more easy to forgive. But in the end I see we physically unknowingly distance ourselves from each other with each such reconciliation ... The feeling that we just have to solve a karmic thing.

But what about synastry? To much generational aspects? And less from personal to personal planets?
September 27, 2021 at 12:33
(Leo) Northerneuropean
I want to hear the conclusion from some expert from above:
To be or not to be a wife ... I don´t need a girlfriend. : D
I am just looking for long term relationship.
September 27, 2021 at 13:29
(Pisces) 11 » Northerneuropean
I think it’s not so good approach. :41: You’re looking for astrologer to convince you, if she’s your wife. When you’re not sure yourself. If you see no future, how can one change your mind?

It should be reversed. You are determined to marry, but go to astrologer , check, if it s not doomed, and how to avoid/ deal with possible problems.
September 27, 2021 at 14:25
(Capricorn) boyakasha the guru
This was nice to read! I went through something similar too but online. Leaves a mark on your soul, I used to think we were cut from the same cloth, like a dream you don´t want to wake up, I´d even pray for her and everyday was so beautiful this person was like home to me. Losing her felt like it will always rain forever, I´ll have no ground tomorrow to stand on. With time it all fades to black, memories of nobody.
September 27, 2021 at 17:30
(Virgo) Aren Levi » boyakasha the guru
DO NOT chase pussy :61:

i know it is hard ... but chase your own improvment. Love will come when it is time.

maybe you lost her, but you got yourself :15:
September 27, 2021 at 17:44
(Leo) Northerneuropean » boyakasha the guru
You just took the words from my mouth. It´s the same. Like waking up from the dream you don´t want to end.
September 27, 2021 at 21:04
(Capricorn) boyakasha the guru » Aren Levi
LOL :61:

Even roses have thorns they say.

A harsh lesson, at one point it was like I was watering a dead plant hoping for a garden. I was my own prisoner. Deep down I wanted a fire to start to burn away the chains holding me down. The flames did hurt but a phoenix is born from its own ashes.

Appreciated bro :15:
September 27, 2021 at 21:18
(Capricorn) boyakasha the guru » Northerneuropean
Dry those tears and fix that crown, be a king and power to you.
September 27, 2021 at 21:44
(Aries) ram_goat » Aren Levi
DO NOT chase pussy

Good luck getting either gender to heed that advice in here, even though it is correct advice.
September 28, 2021 at 00:15
(Pisces) fishscales
I don´t think this guy is "chasing pussy", personally.

I felt this post. It seems like a very real relationship, with all the inherent contradictions that come along with them. The good, the bad, the ugly.

You said you couldn´t "see" a future with this girl. It´s important to realize that the future isn´t "seen", it´s created, day by day. I´m not saying that you should try and create a future with this girl because of that, it´s just a general observation about life: keep things in the moment, and create as you go.

You said the relationship has gotten less physical and more spiritual. Sometimes relationships evolve into something very different that what they originated as. I think you´re doing the right thing by being open to, and accepting, the possible changes, even though they might not neccesarily be what you "want", or think you want.

There does seem to be alot of karma in this relationship based on the placements. There is nothing wrong with that. I guess the job here is to work it out in as positive a way as possible, no matter how the relationship evolves.
September 28, 2021 at 02:40
(Virgo) LotusStar
Your Saturn in t-square with her Venus and Moon is probably pretty difficult as far as expressing emotions and affection openly and can especially make her feel unloved or underappreciated. Also not helped with by your Venus in her 12th house, she doesnt see your love very clearly. This is exactly what you describe where you down play your feelings or how beautiful you find her... this is what Saturn does in hard aspects especially to a planet like Venus. Recognize part of this is out of insecurity and fear of loss. She will notice if you dont compliment her or appreciate what she does especially a Leo rising needs to be acknowledged. You as Leo understand this too.

Her Pluto in t-square with your Sun and Mars can be ego battles too... south node connections can fizzle out sometimes yes, but sometimes they last a lifetime. Mars/Pluto aspects can start out hot and end up in cold war.

Lilith square Saturn almost double-whammy is standing out to me for some reason, some kind of theme of trying to tame the other´s wilder side maybe?

But you have many good aspects too, all your inner planets are in harmonious signs/elements including your ascendants... this is pretty rare! I think you could work it out if you love each other and seems you do.

You do have Venus and Jupiter conjunct in Leo maybe you have some exagerated expectations or part of you thinks grass can be greener on the other side I dont know. But Great loves dont come around every single day, and dont stay alive by magic, you have to work at it a little too and water the plant, as they say.

I will say there is also a fair share of Uranus hard aspects in both synastry and composite so this can mean ups and downs will be frequent. Especially Moon opposite Uranus goes through moments where there is sudden coldness and distance but they usually dont last.
September 28, 2021 at 06:35
(Leo) Northerneuropean » LotusStar
Thanks, LotusStar, such a nice explanation.
Yes, it´s weird. When we are in an informal atmosphere, our relationship seems to be perfect. We also plan to organize events and various tasks as a real team.
Problems begin when the question arises as to who is the leader and who is the follower. And we are both very categorical people, very stubborn and uncompromising in our views. Otherwise - talking, laughing, have a fun - all of it is perfect !!!

I don´t know if it´s caused by my venus in her 12th house. Sometimes I have such a sacrificial love for her, especially when she suffers, I forget about everything around us in such a moment. But at the same time, I can freeze at that moment, block my feelings and not even come to her, even though I really want it internally. This is probably the negative aspects of Saturn :192: Moon and Saturn :194: Venus. Honestly, I´ve seen in my life how the :152: :192: :157: destroy many opportunities to get closer to other people. It´s the biggest suffering in my life, more, because :157: :191: IC in my 4th house.

But, yes, I wish that all those times I could show her the love I feel for her. :79:
It´s crazy - I just watch the other suffering and even I suffer with her (our moons is in cancer, maybe that´s why I always feel the way she feels, other times she doesn´t even have to say anything) because of it even more, but sometimes it doesn´t help to come to her. Yes, as you said, it is a fear of rejection. :9: It´s killing me form inside.
For about a year, I was absolutely sure I will marry her, but now everything has gone so far that we have both closed to each other. And it´s burning inside me because I haven´t shown my love for her so much times. :24:
September 28, 2021 at 06:42
(Leo) Northerneuropean » fishscales
Maybe you felt this post, because your angles coincide with mine perfectily. (ASC, DSC, MC, IC) :4: And also we have :155: :191: :155: and :161: :191: :161: joke.

Yes, actually, when I saw her for the first time, I knew she will be someone very special to me. :12:

It´s so crazy when you love someone so much, but you´re afraid to show it. And there is always a reason for it - external or internal. It breaks my bones from the inside.
It seems to me it is my task with her to overcome fears and show my love, whatever the consequences are.
September 28, 2021 at 11:10
(Leo) Northerneuropean » fishscales
I am thinking about planetery combinations in natals.

She have :157: :191: :155: :191: :153:, which, I think, is very hard combination.

I have :157: :193: :155: :193: :153: (Grand trine) in my natal.

So the energy, she have in concentrated way, actually very hard stellium, I have in Grand Trine, so free flowing energy between powerful planets.

She have stellium in :182: (water)
I have Grand trine in :180: :176: :172: (earth)

So, I see, her combination of :157: :155: :153: is sometimes even destructive, but I have no problem with mine Grand Trine.
It manifests itself in life as follows:
She has difficulty expressing herself in an understandable, easy way about serious things.
On the other hand, I can express everything in such a way that I do not offend anyone (sometimes). : D

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