Problems between me and my father

August 22, 2021 at 20:11 (UT/GMT)
(Leo) Oleander
Problems between me and my father
Guys, I have many problems with my father and I don´t think that we are able to figure them out. I had many problems with my mother, too but however, we are good for a while. This is my birth chart. Why can´t we just move? Why does he live in the past?
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August 22, 2021 at 20:14
(Leo) Oleander
This is his birth chart

https://ibb.co/ww2t3tJ
August 22, 2021 at 20:15
(Leo) Oleander
And this is our composite chart:

https://ibb.co/PtV9cB4

Our synastry chart:

https://ibb.co/f4G1y41
August 22, 2021 at 20:27
(Taurus) nutelina » Oleander
I´m sorry for your troubles, maybe I know a bit how you feel.

Do you think he has Moon in Leo?

Have you read your synastry chart with him?

I´m sorry to hear that. Have you ever been with your father alone without your mother? How well do they get along?
August 22, 2021 at 20:30
(Virgo) Etherealmind
Hi !

Oh !! I´m sorry :/ ...

I congratulate you for your braveness and for sharing these informations with people on the Internet.

The first thing I can advice you is to add the synastry of your father+you and your mother+you.
August 22, 2021 at 20:34
(Virgo) Etherealmind
I think that the misunderstandings with your parents and specially your father appear through these natal aspects in your chart :

Your Saturn squares ... and your Saturn opposite Mars I think !!
August 23, 2021 at 02:52
(Libra) Lib_8
Hi,

Sorry to hear about the issues with your dad.

Here are somethings I analyzed from your birth chart.

Sun usually represents father like figures in our charts you have

Sun Square Saturn : which could indicate a disciplinarian. You find him strict stubborn or unyielding.

Sun Opposition Uranus : which
is I think you are describing about him being stuck in the past. You want change. Does his mood swing change a lot and you can’t predict how he will behave?

To add to this you also have

Sun Square Mars which maybe contributing to the anger you feel towards him.

Finally your Mercury is in your 4th house (family and home) that is interestingly opposing your Neptune. Are you feeling like your childhood family life was different from what you feel was reality and you’re coming to question things now as an adult? This is what may make you feel like they’re narrow minded or hypocritical.

Does it make sense? I sincerely hope you can work things out with your dad.

Best of Luck.
August 23, 2021 at 04:13
(Leo) Oleander » nutelina
Hi.

I think he could have because he never accepts to being criticized. He denies the truth everytime. He believes that he doesn´t have any mistakes. So... 🤷🏻‍♀️


My parents got divorced when I was 2. After that, I started to live with my grandparents. My grandfather died when I was 6 and this year, I lost my grandma. Since she died, I´m alone with him. He visits me -three or four days a week- but I feel like killing myself or him. He is not a bad man but any move he makes can disturb me. I know why I am irritable that much because I couldn´t forgive him since my childhood. How could I? He never apologized for anything he did or he didn´t. He got married someone by lying her about my existence lol. He told her that he never got married or has a child. His lies... To everyone... Even to himself, maybe he lies to himself most, idk and idc. I just want him to leave me in peace. If he is not gonna do, I want him to understand how much he damaged me, how many times he did. I know that he is the first step to all traumas I have but he doesn´t know, never did. This is why I am asking what I am supposed to do.

This is our synastry chart. I don´t know
how to read it yet.

https://ibb.co/f4G1y41
August 23, 2021 at 04:44
(Leo) Oleander » Lib_8
Hi!

Thanks for help.

Yeah, I find him strict stubborn and he finds me too. It´s mutable. Also, I am the disciplinarian one. He is not. He wants me to bow to him because you know, he is the father one. He has that "authority", he believes that. Ofc I don´t believe it. To be a father doesn´t mean that you have many opportunities and rights on that child´s life. I have my own life, I builded it without him.

He is an alcoholic. I want him to change ofc. He has a good job, he can earn too much money but he prefers to lose everything he has and he can have in the deep of bottles. He could be a "father", a "real" one but he lost that too. He lost me and made me lost him.

Do I feel anger? I don´t know, maybe. I want him to feel the pain I feel. It might be described as "revenge". Is it more than anger or less? Maybe just mars in Scorpio affect.

I loved him so much when I was a child. I was kind, sensitive, not jealous... But when I arrived to my teenage, everything has changed. I am not anymore, atleast not to him.


Thanks for your wishes.
August 23, 2021 at 04:46
(Leo) Oleander » Etherealmind
I added the synastry between me and my father :)

https://ibb.co/f4G1y41

This is with my mom:

https://ibb.co/Mg35XPp

This is the composite chart with my mom:

https://ibb.co/Jrq6R06
August 23, 2021 at 13:08
(Libra) Lib_8 » Oleander
This extra info you provided me now makes sense. So for you the Sun square Saturn in your natal chart points to a tough childhood and the many changes and challenges you faced. This should ease up as you get older so don’t worry.

I’m not going to look at the synastry charts too because this issue is more than just general incompatibility. I did take a look at your current transit and progressed charts

You’ve progressed sun (5th house) squaring natal Pluto (8th house) that is kinda driving you to confront this issue head on and deal with it so you can move on with your life.

Even in your transit chart shows similar energies like transiting Uranus opposing Mars. You need to just stay calm and take care of yourself.
August 23, 2021 at 14:41
(Aquarius) viv
Mm grand cross especially Sun square Saturn square Mars in fixed signs.... you have to deal with your own internal father and ways you inhibit your own initiatives as an adult a bit more before dealing with what may be an inflexible relationship..

I just read your posts. I’m sorry for your losses. Is there some way that you could arrange to meet with your father only for coffee. say once a week, and not have him come to where you are living? Can you afford some professional counselling?You will have many things to cope with and I suspect that it would be better to deal with your father in neutral territory. Maybe try to stick to conversations about how he can, if he can, actually help you in the present. All your past hurt really needs to be dealt with internally, which is hard work! Best Viv
August 23, 2021 at 20:23
(Taurus) nutelina » Oleander
I haven´t read it but it´s easier if you read the whole synastry here, the description text I mean. Sometimes I miss stuff from these charts and I don´t like looking at that white colour background (I hate LCD). Alas there is not black yet.

Do you have any other family? Why do you want your father to love you? Worst thing is to expect something from people who will never give what we need. We adopted a grandmother many years ago, she was the best family :27:
August 23, 2021 at 20:56
(Gemini) AmberMoon
I see that fellow astroseekers have already studied your father´s chart & synastry up here, so looking back at your chart for a moment.

I´m getting the feeling of a potential issue with males in general, but it depends.

The ruler of your 7th house is retrograde (in Virgo). This could affect the way you carry relations in general. You also have Mars there.
And you´re a Leo sun + Aries rising 😁 Just saying.

Our relationships with people are a two-way traffic, right?
August 23, 2021 at 23:10
(Leo) Oleander » nutelina
Lol, I don´t want him to love me. I am 22 years old, not a child, I don´t need his love anymore. Why do you think that I want it?
August 23, 2021 at 23:32
(Leo) Oleander » AmberMoon
You mean I may have issues about males, right? I couldn´t say that because my best friends are also males. "I love men, I think men are the coolest." haha.

I am a Leo sun and Aries rising. So? Problems are not my signs. I don´t know how you consider me but I bet you are wrong. I´m not always angry or ready to fight or I don´t choose to fight rather than peace.

Yeah, relationships are two-way traffic. That´s why I cannot solve the problems alone. If he would say "Rabia, I´m sorry for everything", I could forget everything and move like I did with my mother.
August 23, 2021 at 23:35
(Aries) ram_goat » Oleander
If he would say "Rabia, I´m sorry for everything", I could forget everything and move like I did with my mother.

it´s not like alcoholics to say this to people they have hurt in their lives.

not until after they get sober for a long time.
August 24, 2021 at 01:23
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com
System message: Post has been written by user Seanfhear, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
I see that his time of birth is not known so it is kind of difficult to judge.
Anyway, as a beginner myself, I´m not that good with synastry and composite charts.
I´m not sure what is the nature of the troubles between you and your father (or mother) but I urge you to keep few points in mind when going about this: Your parents existed and lived and gone through a lot even before you come to existence. They did experience life a lot longer. As a man in his 40s myself, I can say that many things we were going against or resisting in our youth, but when we grew up we looked back and realized that our families just wanted (and were scared for) our well-being and our future; Despite the general conservative look to life especially in an oriental community (like yours and mine).

Again, I don´t know what is the problem there, but hope they resolve themselves out. A fact of life is that... no one lives forever... and sometimes, unfortunately, we wouldn´t know the value of someone till they leave our lives. At some stops in life, a smile or a hug from certain ones is worth the compromise in whatever we believe in, or yearn for.

Away from all that, and seeing that his birth time is not known in the charts, astrologically speaking, sometimes transits (especially for the sun in the case of a father, when it is in some uneasy position) can spark some clash between an individual and the father (or the father figure in the individual´s life); So, maybe you want to check that out. Also the 9th house in one´s chart is typically assigned to the father of the individual (or the father figure in the life of the individual). I would say that the Whole Sign system is my usual favorite when I look at such things.
Go ahead and check these out it might make sense to you.
August 24, 2021 at 08:34
(Virgo) Etherealmind » nutelina
"Worst thing is to expect something from people who will never give what we need."

Very true Nutelina ... :8: :27: and Rabia should get inspired by this way of thinking :):) I also try to do it btw :):) cause I realize through years that some scenarios you had imagined don´t always happen the way you expected.

Not everything fortunately but only the scenarios that don´t depend on you or not entirely on you.

I think that you can only expect from scenarios depending on you :):)
August 24, 2021 at 08:44
(Virgo) Etherealmind
I hope it can help you a bit, Rabia :27: :27:
August 24, 2021 at 14:36
(Cancer) Carliner » Oleander
Hi Rabia
İf I were you, I would tell him that I am not angry with What happened in the past. But seeing eachother weekly or whatever schedule it is doesnt help us to improve the relationship. What I suggest is to live seperate lives without feeling any obligation to see eachother. We can still talk on the phone whenever either of us has intention to call.



Both of You can only heal when it is right time. Sometimes it is even not possible this life time.
Until that time, you do not need to keep hurting eachother some covered or direct feelings.

We humans have lots of weakness. Everybody has own karma and dharma. I am not saying forgive your father but if I were you I would accept him as he is . You can not change anybody. Only They can change themselves when it is right time.

I have had similar stories, thats why I have wanted to write.
August 24, 2021 at 15:06
(Gemini) AmberMoon » Oleander
Yes, of course, you know yourself best.

Feel free to ignore.
August 24, 2021 at 16:41
(Taurus) nutelina » Oleander
Sure I don´t think anything, I don´t know but why bother with him anyway then?

For me I just need to know who did what and what was my part. To know I am not crazy and my parents are just very difficult people. Something like that.
August 24, 2021 at 18:00
(Leo) Oleander » AmberMoon
Ofc I don´t ignore. I will take your advice and try to do talk kindly more. Maybe kindness can help him to understand that I am ready to make peace when he take a step to me. ☺️
August 24, 2021 at 18:55
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com
System message: Post has been written by user RohanScorpio, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
Your sun squares saturn and mars. Meanwhile your mars and saturn are in opposition. Check that out...
August 26, 2021 at 18:30
(Leo) killaleok
I cannot go into detail seeing that I am new to astrology. However I would like to say that having Leo in the chart especially sun is an indicator of problems with the father figure in your life. I personally have a Leo sun, rising, mercury, and Jupiter and I have a emotionally dismissive and almost vacant father. My little brother also has a Leo sun and it is much the same. My Leo grandfather who´s Dad died when he was 11. Even my dad who has a Leo rising and a very narcissistic aggressive father. I could go on about the amount of Leos and people with Leo influences that have issues with their dads.
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