Should I continue the relationship?

September 22, 2022 at 17:42 (UT/GMT)
(Pisces) Tina95
Should I continue the relationship?
Hi all, I have a question regarding my relationship. I really need advice as I don´t know what to do.

The relationship with my boyfriend is not perfect, but general loving and fun. So from how it is today, I would say I would like to continue the relationship.

The thing is: Recently I found out through friends and talks with him, that he did things in his past, I really, really dislike. Like partying way too much, getting physical with many girls, smoking and also physical arguments with other guys.

I KNOW that a lot of people have done these things, because many people want to experience different things in their early twenties.

But the thing is that my morals for what I think is good and right are so strong, I cannot ignore this. From a rational side I know it is normal, and it is past and over, but from an emotional side I can´t wrap my head around this. It literally hurts me to think about what he had done, because I always wanted someone like-minded - and somehow it now feels like an illusion, because my past-me never did these things.

I don´t judge his past behaviour in general, I don´t think he is a bad person, I just somehow don´t know if I am ever able to feel this unconditional love towards him again. Suddenly there are feelings of disgust, and this makes it hard for me to really "love".

I really don´t know what to do. It feels like I am exaggerating but this bad feeling won´t go away.

I think it is mainly due to my Scorpio Moon (intense emotions, cannot forget) and Capricorn Venus (loves responsibility).

And I am not sure what to do. Is this some kind of challenge for me to "get outside my ego"? Or does it just show that he cannot provide me the things I need in a relationship?

I am so confused. I suffered a lot in my past relationship and I am afraid to experience this again by trying to love someone who I just "can´t" love. If you know what I am mean.

What would you say would be right way to go, based on my chart? Any ideas are welcome.

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September 23, 2022 at 07:17
(Pisces) Tina95 » Kareem Gamal
Yeah of course he knows. As soon as I heard from these things of course I was asking questions because I wanted to understand who I am dealing with.

I directly told him that this is a big struggle for me. I was brutally honest. I said I want it to work but I don´t know how to ever love him again without having these negative thoughts and feelings in my mind.

Tbh, before that, I just started crying because I was so overwhelmed hearing all those things, it just felt like a different person sat in front of me.

So he knows my struggles. He really do. And I said if we want to make it work I will need time for solving this, and if this is too complicated for him, I understand, then we can go separate ways too.

He wants to stay in the relationship, but it feels like he just wants me to drop all of this. But I just can´t. I need to work through this and at least I need acceptance from him for that.
September 23, 2022 at 07:10
(Pisces) Tina95 » Zephyrin
Sounds like you are better of without this ex boyfriend :D

He is kind of neutral about it. He doesn´t brag at all about it, some things he say were just experimenting.

I think it kind of bothers me so deeply too is because he can get very jealous and don´t want ever ME to get jealous.

E.g. he doesn´t like that I have contact with my male friends, but I should never be jealous when he is talking to girls in his friend group.

He says his jealousy is justified because of my looks and character. Which is bs in my opinion, but - not knowing about the past back then - I was very understanding and thought okay, he is just very sensitive regarding this topic, he is selective with his partners like me...

But now knowing that he not only had more relationships than me but also these "random" interactions with some girls, it seems so unfair to me.

I had exactly one boyfriend and therefor one man I got intimate with before. He the opposite, but yet he is standing there and saying his jealousy is okay and I should accept it, but if I ever get jealous from time to time I am "exaggerating"...
September 23, 2022 at 06:47
(Pisces) Tina95 » rohini moon
Oh no, not beating, sorry that my wording was confusing. I meant getting intimate with random girls. Beating was only with guys.

I know it is not a crime. It just bothers me because for me, such things only feel right in a relationship. When we met we talked about how we see these things, and he was all about "I just want to get intimate if this is serious" etc.

So I was just shocked to hear how different he behaved in the past. Especially because I found out through talks with friends, not because he told me. Only after I then asked about it.

Tbh, and I told him that too, I don´t know if I would have ever started this relationship knowing all these background.

Again, not because I am judging, I am just very sensitive regarding this topic. It is just something I can´t really deal with and normally don´t want to, but now I can´t ignore it, as we are having a solid relationship, being integrated in the family etc.
September 23, 2022 at 06:32
(Virgo) rohini moon
"Recently I found out through friends and talks with him, that he did things in his past, I really, really dislike. Like partying way too much, getting physical with many girls, smoking and also physical arguments with other guys."

By "physical with many girls" are you meaning beating on them OR having sex with them? kind of hard to distinguish with your wording.
September 23, 2022 at 06:08
(Pisces) Kareem Gamal » Tina95
Hmm! Does he was knowing that u knew his past during that time? And what about now too?
September 23, 2022 at 05:52
(Pisces) Kareem Gamal » Tina95
You said here...
.... and he deserves who loves him for how he is now.

And how is he now? Passing with him for a year!!!
September 23, 2022 at 05:37
(Pisces) Kareem Gamal » Tina95
Here u had mentioned a big point cos ego and venus won´t go together!!! If u look to any relationship between loved couples they share respects to each and other and show humbleness to each and other!!!

Will still continue talking about it later! normally I don´t sleep well or don´t sleep at all at Thursdays and Fridays! Its my working rush hours or days of the week...

We all know that life is too short, and as selfish animals we always seek shortcuts seeking stability through pleasures!, thinking that its the right decision, but its not always true!

Just calm down little bit more and u will get the best conclusions for sure!!!
September 23, 2022 at 00:07
(Leo) Zephyrin
How is his current attitude towards the things he had done in the past? If he is putting effort to make you feel happy and safe emotionally, knows they are saddening you and doesn´t bring those issues to agenda, I think there is nothing to worry about.

I had a similar issue with one of the exes. The difference is, he was the one who always talked about the shits he had done in the past, with all the dirty details. He was flattering himself, thinking he was confident but he was looking like a total a**hole.
September 22, 2022 at 20:59
(Gemini) FOWL » Tina95
My pleasure!
September 22, 2022 at 20:45
(Pisces) Tina95 » FOWL
I will look for ways to do this :) Thank you for the idea
September 22, 2022 at 20:37
(Gemini) FOWL » Tina95
My ex was a Scorpio Moon.. I know all about it. One of the most difficult placements to live. And your chart accentuates that in a few ways. It´s your Leo Mars in the Eleventh which is your saving grace... you have to me active in the community... it will help you get out of your own head.
September 22, 2022 at 20:35
(Pisces) Tina95 » FOWL
Yes my boyfriend also said this. You both have a point.

Will I ever find a partner with a past which will not trigger any of my strong emotions? Probably not. Was I always so damn selective with my only two partners because I deep down know so many little things upset me? Probably.

It is just so frustrating. I know my feelings kind of work against the real world. But I just want to feel safe. And calm. I hate to be upset all the time but this is the reality for most of my life.
September 22, 2022 at 20:28
(Pisces) Tina95 » FOWL
Yeah I hate this sometimes. And when I feel so deeply about something which concerns me personally, I get reminded that other people have way worse problems... and boom, I feel even WORSE than before because now I am also questioning myself and feeling bad for others who have it worse than me hahaha

I don´t really know how to release the energy tbh. This is probably why I am so tense all the time.

I would say mostly at work, I very often make internal improvements to see my team colleagues happier. I sometimes like to take lead of groups but yeah, then I am shy again and argh... I don´t really know... I should find something except work to handle this better
September 22, 2022 at 20:20
(Gemini) FOWL » Tina95
I find Mercury Squaring a Scorpio Moon is a deeply exacerbating factor on that tendency to really stew in negative thoughts.
So I wonder, while you have valid concerns with your partner... what are the chances you can find a partner you WON´T have past issues to upset you and obsess over? Your Moon trines Saturn and your Sun, so I´d suggest when it comes to you getting deep into Scorpio Moon rumination territory... take a moment to come out of it and really evaluate as practically and logically as you can what the real world effects of your upsetting fears and concerns are.
Again... I think your concerns are valid... but in looking at your chart... these are some considerations I´d recommend you take into account.
September 22, 2022 at 20:17
(Gemini) FOWL » FOWL
And then caring deeply about how they do.
September 22, 2022 at 20:17
(Gemini) FOWL » Tina95
Wow, just looked at your chart... ya... you are a DEEP feeler. To have such a tight bucket of energy in the fall-winter signs (Scorpio Moon especially of course), and then all that energy in the receptive, setting, beneath the horizon houses... you stew on things so deeply and can never let them go.
Then you have this Mars as the handle, above the horizon and projective... in Leo! In the eleventh! What do you do to release all that energy? Are you active in organizing groups for things you are interested in? You have a powerful energy for being a focal point of motivating others.
September 22, 2022 at 20:12
(Pisces) Tina95 » FOWL
Thank you for your understanding, this makes me feel better
September 22, 2022 at 19:59
(Gemini) FOWL » Tina95
It sounds like you are being open and very fair about it... you can´t help if it changes how you see him. To give yourself to a man is a huge deal... you have to feel safe and secure... I can understand why you are having a hard time with this.
September 22, 2022 at 19:49
(Pisces) Tina95 » FOWL
Oh yes I had. He said I needed to live with it as he can´t change his past, which is true. But I don´t really feel heard.

E.g., we wanted to go out for dinner and he suggested a restaurant in a city nearby. In this city all this "time" happened.

I said I didn´t want to go there as it reminds me of his past which I still struggle with. So I suggested another restaurant because I wanted to have a really, truly nice evening without these thoughts in the back of my mind. But instead of being understanding, he started discussing

"If I will ever go there again" and
"This has no future" and
"You are being overly sensitive" etc.

Like yeah, I know, but I just asked for going to another restaurant... I need his support if we want to keep this going, and this pressure doesn´t help at all. I also talked about a possible break up because I don´t want to make his life complicated because of my feelings. But there again, he starts discussing again...

"We don´t break up because of these minor things" etc

I think he just don´t get how much I am emotionally struggling with this.
September 22, 2022 at 19:43
(Aries) diavolul » Tina95
Then you should end it in the following weeks, it is appropriate in Venus invisibile to do it.
September 22, 2022 at 19:36
(Gemini) FOWL » Tina95
Have you talked to him about this yet? If it´s bothering you inside, there is NO way to continue this relationship in a healthy manner without getting it out in the open either way. That´s a difficult conversation, but you will need to have it whether you stay with him or break up.
September 22, 2022 at 19:33
(Gemini) FOWL » Tina95
Ya, you are being very fair Tina. I don´t believe that anyone can counsel you on whether you should or shouldn´t break up with him.. that´s up to you in the end.. but if he´s had 5 years of relative peace, it may be worth judging him for the man he is now instead of the boy he was. If you feel threatened by him however, get out now.
September 22, 2022 at 19:20
(Pisces) Tina95 » diavolul
Well I am not afraid of cheating.

I am and was just very selective with who I get involved with, and I strongly disagree with and dislike any kind of violence.

Yes, I am a very serious person in this regard, I lack being light-hearted about these things. I know. I am below average at "just having fun".

But this is the problem. I just feel this way. And knowing how he acted makes me feel disgust, which is toxic for both of us.

I just don´t know what is the healthy way to go. Sticking to my morals (ego?), or trying to soften them... but it feels like lying to myself... Thinking about his behaviour makes me sick to my stomach although there are 5 years between. And I don´t know how to feel better again. He obivously can´t change his past. And I feel like I am being unfair to him.
September 22, 2022 at 19:11
(Aries) diavolul » Tina95
What is his signature sign, anyway, if the case? Cancer?
September 22, 2022 at 19:08
(Aries) diavolul » Tina95
You worry too much, the only thing I see at the first glance and it is kind of intense is that Mars in 7th, I have it and sometimes is intense for the people around me. No obvious cheater signs. Obviously, Uranian people are attracting people because of their unique appearance/style and can be challenging for a virgo, for sure.
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