Should I continue the relationship?

September 22, 2022 at 17:42 (UT/GMT)
(Pisces) Tina95
Should I continue the relationship?
Hi all, I have a question regarding my relationship. I really need advice as I don´t know what to do.

The relationship with my boyfriend is not perfect, but general loving and fun. So from how it is today, I would say I would like to continue the relationship.

The thing is: Recently I found out through friends and talks with him, that he did things in his past, I really, really dislike. Like partying way too much, getting physical with many girls, smoking and also physical arguments with other guys.

I KNOW that a lot of people have done these things, because many people want to experience different things in their early twenties.

But the thing is that my morals for what I think is good and right are so strong, I cannot ignore this. From a rational side I know it is normal, and it is past and over, but from an emotional side I can´t wrap my head around this. It literally hurts me to think about what he had done, because I always wanted someone like-minded - and somehow it now feels like an illusion, because my past-me never did these things.

I don´t judge his past behaviour in general, I don´t think he is a bad person, I just somehow don´t know if I am ever able to feel this unconditional love towards him again. Suddenly there are feelings of disgust, and this makes it hard for me to really "love".

I really don´t know what to do. It feels like I am exaggerating but this bad feeling won´t go away.

I think it is mainly due to my Scorpio Moon (intense emotions, cannot forget) and Capricorn Venus (loves responsibility).

And I am not sure what to do. Is this some kind of challenge for me to "get outside my ego"? Or does it just show that he cannot provide me the things I need in a relationship?

I am so confused. I suffered a lot in my past relationship and I am afraid to experience this again by trying to love someone who I just "can´t" love. If you know what I am mean.

What would you say would be right way to go, based on my chart? Any ideas are welcome.

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September 27, 2022 at 21:24
(Leo) Zephyrin » Tina95
Majority of men in 20s usually don´t care about getting physically intimate with too many girls. For women like us who are monogamous and want to have a decent partner whose past is similar to ours, this may sound kinda unacceptable and even disgusting.

Don´t you think his attitude regarding the jealousy issue between you is toxic?
September 27, 2022 at 16:56
(Pisces) Tina95 » Kareem Gamal
Thank you so much for your explanations!!
September 27, 2022 at 16:54
(Pisces) Kareem Gamal » Kareem Gamal
meaning due to moon conjuncting Jupiter in his 10th house...
September 27, 2022 at 16:50
(Pisces) Kareem Gamal » Kareem Gamal
also he have moon with it i think,,, so it will be determination, bcs moon is emotions, safty and security,,, so he will also keep up to be secured...
September 27, 2022 at 16:47
(Pisces) Kareem Gamal » Tina95
10th house is house of name, fame or diginity, meaning that he possiblly will be successed in works, but that might need motivations if any person had motivated from surrounders specially from those are close to him, successes will chase him! trust that, as u know taurus is one of worse place for mars its in my chart, but i also have Jupiter there that whats saved me! and its my 9th house! I have seen some of my pasts and I have found out that when Jupiter had transited to Taurus I travelled to new countries and cultures to me, and joined to university! and the good thing when mars in taurus is that it makes a person less jealous, and I always be super active when mars is on Taurus.. or when mars form trine or sextile with planets in Taurus,,,

I told my Jupiter experience so that you might get some hints about it and have some understandings and knowing it!!!
All bests sis👍👍👍
September 27, 2022 at 08:23
(Pisces) Tina95 » Kareem Gamal
Could you let me know what positive sides you see from Jupiter in 10th house? I never payed attention to this. How does it play out?
September 27, 2022 at 06:49
(Pisces) Kareem Gamal » Tina95
Should I continue the relationship?

I think you shall continue the relationship and try to lead it smartly!
Your both charts are matchable, plus he has Jupiter in 10th house or so close to 10th house conjuncting the moon in 10th house... Try to see how good its going! , having an emergency parashot with u, in case the captin makes wrong turns through him out of the plane with it!!!
September 26, 2022 at 12:24
(Pisces) Tina95 » Morpheus
Well I had last year a break up from my ex boyfriend, and the relationship I have now is very, very different. So maybe this was a big journey to find clarity.
September 26, 2022 at 12:04
(Libra) Morpheus » Tina95
Neptune transiting your seventh house as I wrote in my previous comment.....
Neptune in the seventh house can also mean disorientation and not knowing what one really searches for in love relationships.Wait when at the end of October 2022 Jupiter is entering Pisces again,then you will know more where this whole thing is heading to...
September 26, 2022 at 11:53
(Pisces) Tina95 » Morpheus
I don´t really get that to be honest. Where do you see him being unfaithful?

He doesn´t seem to be someone who would cheat.
September 25, 2022 at 23:33
(Libra) Morpheus
Neptune is also transiting your seventh house since about 2 -3 years already respectively was conjunct your descendent 1,2 years ago ..this means very often that some form of deceit,dishonesty and cheating in love relationships occurs...
September 25, 2022 at 23:15
(Libra) Morpheus
The horary chart says no .... you should not continue this relationship .Your boy friend is unfaithful respectively is not honest with you ... so throw him to the lions......greetings from Caesar
September 25, 2022 at 21:04
(Pisces) Tina95 » cami cami
Thank you so much!
September 25, 2022 at 21:02
(Pisces) Tina95 » GreenMoon
Thank you so much, your perspective was really helpful. I thought a lot about it and I have much clearer thoughts about it now.
September 25, 2022 at 21:01
(Pisces) Tina95 » Kareem Gamal
Thank you so much for your answer. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense with the "hearing from a 3rd person" - I think if he would have told me by himself it wouls have been different. Because I sat down and reflected how I felt about it and I noticed that the bad feelings which came up where actually the feelings from the situation where I found out - so this is probably the bigger problem than the past itself.
September 24, 2022 at 08:16
(Libra) cami cami » Tina95
Hi, Tina! Sorry for my delay. I´m glad this can be useful in some way :)

Oh, that´s great! I always struggle with that because it depends on the person, so it´s good to know! :)

Yes, I perfectly understand this. I lived many years of bullying at school (imagine that when I was 16, that was the first time I discovered that a guy could think I was nice...); I was hurted in many ways possible and it recently happened again with some people I loved, with circumstances that I didn´t imagine. But yes, here I am trusting. More aware, with more conciousness, but trusting.

And congratulations to us that we do it. Because this is our essence and we don´t lose it because others. It´s like the story of the scopion and the man. Long story short: a man is in the beach seeing how a scorpion is drowning, he tries to save it a couple of times and the scorpion stings him until he finally save it; a person that was seeing all that ask him the man why he would help the scorpion when it was stinging him; and the man answers that that´s the essence of the scorpion but that doesn´t change hiw own essence which is to help... I think you´ll find it accurate...

But, dear Pisces girl with a Chiron in Virgo in the 1st House (nice axis btw)... You need to learn to live your essence with limits. "Limit" doesn´t mean helping less. "Limit" means you help, knowing how to protect yourself. It´s a huge difference and it´s something you´ll need to learn. Chiron in the 1st House (BTW in other thread you talk about you feel inferior, the reason is Chiron placed here, in this house and sign)... I read once that people that heal others (like nurses for example) have Chiron in this house. The "bad" part of Chiron is that you suffer; the "good" part is you are able to help others and I guess that this + your Sun in Pisces is a very nice combination to help others but if you know how "to use" it.

I also can see the essence of the people so when someone makes me something that´s not nice, my family and friends are like crazy and I am like "I can understand why he/she did that...". It´s our nature and to be honest, I love I can do that. But it doesn´t work if you end hurted in all this situation.

So,... Well, maybe I am wrong, but for me it´s clear. I don´t know what will happen with your relation but this is an opportunity to develop this "power" you have inside ( we all have some super power :) ). You´ll need to be aware all the time and you can feel it as an extra effort but, try to imagine you are playing a video game (in fact, it´s what we all do haha). You character is a girl into a relationship that has to learn, to evolve and to know their "super power". You need to distance from your ego and see the situation from outside; like if you were a character.

As this character need to discover her power, in one level is mandatory she has a boyfriend. This boyfriend has a hard past and that hurts her for some reason that she needs to discover. But he is there, so she can pass to the next level (no, we don´t know which characters we will find in the next level). And you know how video games are: you find "monsters" in the way (past wounds you need to heal), big stones (difficult situations) and so on.

At the end of that level, the character passes to the other one because she learnt something: you can help others but you DON´T SAVE others (that´s their path, not yours). When you help, you are not into their situation, you´re outside; when you try to save, that comes from the ego, so you involve in their suffering and lose energy.

Help, don´t save. Who helps, knows which is the necessary amount of help that the other person needs. Who tries to save, act under their ego and won´t be able to see until when they have to act, so they lose themselves in the process.

It´s important to let other to make their own path. If you save, you don´t let others to make their path. If you help, you give a tool that they can use while they are learning.

" But I am afraid that these wounds will come and get me ", they will for sure if you don´t work on them. You´re here for a purpose and the Universe will help you to achieve it.

" I should add that he was not reflecting much when we met... ", of course he does, I can imagine it! You´re a Pisces person! Haha so it´s important to don´t fall in the ego and the idea of "I am a SuperWoman" and learn to use the real "super power" you have, in an honest and humble way.

" I am just so afraid of loosing myself again, like I did in my past relationship ", that depends in the level of awareness you choose to learn. You are awake, you know what I am talking about. And people that is awaken and ignore what they have to do... Well, everything gets little bit complicated. It´s better to face your "issues".

Well, Tina... Yesterday when I read your reply, some ideas came to my mind of what I wanted to answer. Nothing of what I wrote today. I sit today to write and all this appeared and I just wrote it. I don´t know why, but it seems that if it happens this way, it was what I had to write... I can´t and I don´t want to save you from your pain, but I wish and I ask to the Universe that they intercede to help you in this situation to discover your inner strength.

Big hug from Barcelona and all the best for your process :)
Cami
September 24, 2022 at 02:06
(Pisces) Kareem Gamal » Aren Levi
👍👍👍
September 24, 2022 at 01:48
(Pisces) Kareem Gamal » Tina95
Its really hard situation!!!

The only problem that you are having in the relationship is his past´´´ after knowing it from others!!!

This is one of piscesians problem with closed people!!!

I heard most of this part which I will text now from Rated Benjamin, and its true to me.. had noticed it many time...

Piscesians prefer to hear everything from people they deal with directly specially in bad news they don´t like to hear it from 3rd person!!! Even if its hurt their feelings!!!

If in a way he told you his past and felt sorry for all waists, you will be emotionally hurt but you may play great role in helping him to change and trust grows that way!!! This is how we as piscesians thinks in such situation!,,, We might didn´t know that they don´t want us to know something that can hurts us or we simply don´t care! We feel that we have been fooled!

So we struggle with such Ego!!!

Venus represents relationships!!!

Venus is reciprocal!!!

You give you get!!!

Well, I will send other thoughts other times too!!!

I read nothing yet but your reply so I wrote this to the moment!!!


But I´m feeling positive that you will or you are already had some hints of the figure of the relationship in mind, but you are just making sure for everything..


Be relaxed and calm, actions are easy!
The hard parts always are the plans and how its going... All bests SIS...
September 23, 2022 at 12:32
(Virgo) Aren Levi
If he did those things before he met you then you should be thankful having him, cause he changed and the change might be connected to you.

It is bond created by you.

If he do those things now that disgust you or behind your back .... Have no mercy on him. :16:

:37:
September 23, 2022 at 11:14
(Cancer) GreenMoon
If only this thing about his past make you feel almost like not loving him anymore, it means the love is NOT strong enough! Maybe you uncounsciously internalized particular things you don t like about him and tried to forget them, and this little aspect about his past made you ´unlock´ the thing you re not sure about.

And in this case you should think what you need. to feel strong love and respect for a person or just a partner that is pleasant and make you feel good. These are different things.

When you lose respect for a man, it´s over, a particular sensation will always be there in your head...

But, to be honest, most men do this in their youth to find pleasure, answers, or maybe plain experience, out of curiosity, only the uneducated men will continue like this, being promiscuous in their 25s and 30s.

I don´t know what you expect from him. Is he intelligent? Do you have meaningful communication? Do you need it? Does he communicate well? Is he attentive?

If all the answers are Yes, then you have no problem. Men need adventure in range of 18-22 years old, they want to show off their masculinity and understand what they like/what they need. More philosophical men (introverts) use other methods to understand these...
But not everybody is like that.
If you don t feel deep attachment at least, and pure, genuine interest in him, and you think you can t love this man, it means you don t and you won t and better choose another path. It will be painful for him too, to make him love you and suddenly leave. The sooner the better.
September 23, 2022 at 10:51
(Pisces) Tina95 » cami cami
Thank you so much again, you are really helping me!!

And I like reading from your personal experience, it helps me so see another view, so no worries.

I trust people a lot. And basically I was often disappointed - in work, friendship and love. Yet I won´t accept bad experiences to stop something which I think is loving and beautiful.

I trusted him with all my heart until the past topic and another thing came up, which both felt to me like a lie. Since that I have this unsettling feeling. And I am struggling so much because I see the inner child of this man and see pure love and innocence, just some wounds and mistakes I can forgive.

But I am afraid that these wounds will come and get me. I am working so hard on setting boundaries, to make clear what I can handle and what is too much, but as soon as I feel the pain the other person is experiencing I just want to heal them - leaving myself and my pain neglected.

I should add that he was not reflecting much when we met, and since we are together, he is becoming more aware and open, so I see the potential of healing together.

I am just so afraid of loosing myself again, like I did in my past relationship.
September 23, 2022 at 09:48
(Libra) cami cami » Tina95
Thank you Tina, for your words and for explaining more about this.

Okay, so I think we are focusing on the "wrong" thing here. Because everything is started with "he did", "he and this thing, "he ... whatever". But the only point here is you, right now. And this is important because if you don´t resolve it you will live it again with other people (partners, friends, ...). I tell this because I was very codependent and one day I realised that this wasn´t only with a partner but also with friends. The thing is that friends "accept almost everything" and you don´t really see your wounds with them... So it´s usually we see our wounds into a love relationship.

I don´t like to talk about me because to make references to myself can sound very selfish but I do that to explain that I lived the same as you live now in some way and I think I understand how you feel.

I was also afraid of that: what if he is not honest? What if he is saying something but...? Look, at the end, what is going to happen it will anyway. If you need to learn from cheating, you will live it. So the best you can do now is to work on your insecurities so you don´t atract these situations. I concluded that I prefered to live the experience instead of feeling afraid about the "what if"...

" Because this whole package doesn´t make sense to me ". It´s not the whole package; it´s you that doesn´t feel able to trust in people yet. Do you trust in everybody? Look for this pattern, I guess you´ll find it in other situations too.

After a guy I loved a lot, I discovered I did the same with him with other people too...

" It is really not about judging, it is about disgust and fear that things are different than how he is showing it to me ". Trying to control the situation. Best way to resolve it? Cultivate your intuition and your gut will have the answers.

The moral he has right now ... It´s the moral he has RIGHT NOW, so it doesn´t matter what he did because everybody can change. Do you really think that change is possible? (something to analyse there too about yourself...).

What about the people that was in prison or into an addiction and they reverted their life? I mean, there´s a lot of stories like these and I believe it´s possible. At the end, we are here to learn and improve so... The thing is if you have a deep belief that people can´t change... Because that would be mean you don´t think you can change too.

Again: all this is a mirror. You need to look inside.

And... I really feel you´re using all this as an excuse because there´s a deeper thing you need to resolve. I don´t really feel that his past is a problem for you (you said it) but if you don´t have a problem with his past we would resolve you don´t have any problem with him and this conversation would end, right? But you NEED to have a problem because if you have it, you can talk about the relationship because something with him is not working. I don´t think you are worried about his past, but you take that so you are able to say that something is not okay with him. Do I explain myself? I know it can sound confusing (and my English is so bad :D sorry).

Look Tina, if he makes jokes about your male friends, that can be kind of funny but if he seriously doesn´t like you have male friends, this is something to think about. Even more because you have a solid ethic.

If you DON´T DO NOTHING to create atraction in other people... SO it´s obvious you don´t have to do nothing to stop it, right? :) Your intention is not to atract men. And every men is free to feel atracted by you if they want... It´s their freedom! The thing is what you do with that. Nothing? Perfect. Your bf shouldn´t be that worry and he has to work on his insecurity wound too.

" I defended all of his actions, always seeing the good, totally ignoring red flags ". Yes... I know what you mean. I haven´t been into a narcissistic relationship but I was that kind of person that accepted everything of everybody (because my nature of Chiron conjunt Sun I think :D). Until I left these relationships and realised I can accept/understand them but that doesn´t mean I have to accept they do that to me. It´s not the same. So you have to choose a side...

If he hurts you, it´s not working.

If he hurts you and he is not doing nothing to hurt you (you are being triggered) so the point is you and you need to work in yourself.

If he hurts you because he doesn´t know how to take care of the situation and he doesn´t mind to learn how to, ... You´ll have to take a decision.

But you need to be objective and honest with yourself and understand what is really happening. What is a wound, what is a trigger, what is yours, what comes from him, etc. ...

Don´t force something if it won´t work.

I really believe that you can be wounded and have a healthy relationship too. It´s all about the attitude you choose.

You both are wounded, I think I see it clear. So if you both are ready for that, I would recommend to sit and talk about it in a very honest way and decide how the relationship will continue. You both can be wounded and have a good relationship if you both know how to deal with your ego (and no, it´s not something impossible).

A couple that is not able to talk.... Mmm, no, I wouldn´t be into a relationship like this.

Please feel free to say, share or ask whatever you need.



... And Tina: I congratulate you to face your wounds and be able to say what you feel. The World would be much better if people would be like you.
September 23, 2022 at 08:35
(Pisces) Tina95 » cami cami
Thank you for the clear words!

The thing with the past is not a problem with mistakes.

Like, I did mistakes in my past, too.

It is that I FEAR that the other person have way different morals and views than me and I just don´t notice (I tend to make everything better in my head). Probably some unsolved stuff with my last relationship, where I thought I found a highly empathetic man and he turned out to be an absolute narcissist. But instead of realizing I defended all of his actions, always seeing the good, totally ignoring red flags.

So, right now, I fear a lot that I am ignoring signs again that he is not the right partner for me. Of course I can understand mistakes, but were these really mistakes for him? Does he really have views like me? Or is he just saying this because he knows I feel safe with that?

It is really not about judging, it is about disgust and fear that things are different than how he is showing it to me.

The jealousy is about that, too. He says my character would be something which many guys attract. It is not about flirting, but because I am loyal and loving. But I mean, yeah - aren´t many women loyal and loving? And there are many women who are less complicated than me which many men love I guess? And in general, every man has different taste, I don´t think you can have a general "attractive" character?

So I kind of FEAR again, that it is just something he "says" but not "feel". Because this whole package doesn´t make sense to me.

PS: I am not limiting myself because of his jealousy, I have male friends, they are important to me. He dislikes it, but gets along with it. Mostly.
September 23, 2022 at 08:00
(Libra) cami cami
Hi Tina, going straight to the point, I understand your situation from both sides so I´ll try to give you my point of view on this. I´ll be straight but not to make you feel judged, so please don´t read it this way. I think there´s something important to resolve here.

I was also trying to find the perfect man with the perfect past, present and future. That´s something of your ego that you need to work on for your own happiness in your life (take in mind that "I feel I am lying to myself" it´s sometimes an ego trick for avoiding your healing; the ego doesn´t want to die).

Unconditional love is to love someone without condition if both have a healthy attitude in life. Conditional love is necessary when the other person is not healthy. So I have to question this sentence you wrote, because you were loving him with condition...

In the other hand, the agressive past. Some people, as me, are not perfect and we expect people loves us as we are not as we were.

What if I told you that I have needed to learn to control my anger? I didn´t do nothing of you boyfriend did in the past but for example, I broke twice the window of my room, also the door. I´m not proud about it but I admit I did it and due these reactions it was necessary I learn to control and dissolve the anger. Don´t I deserve love for that if it´s already a close chapter of my life?

Anyway, there is something more important here for me than his past...

Please don´t misunderstand me, but I literally don´t care very much about what you said of his past because it´s his past but... You can´t have men friends NOW? Think about it.

" He says his jealousy is justified because of my looks and character ". Unless your character is a flirting character I absolutely see a red flag here.

" I was very understanding and thought okay, he is just very sensitive regarding this topic, he is selective with his partners like me...". No, because this doesn´t work this way. If you are an honest person it doesn´t matter if you had just 1 bf or 100000 bf before. You can have tons of male friends and it doesn´t matter because he would trust on you. Don´t accept that from nobody.

Why are we talking about his past when he has a toxic attitude in the present that you need to ask about?

There´s no point for me.

You know what I think? I think you are taking this to bring to consciousness this ego thing you need to heal but I also have the feeling that you want to end the relationship and you don´t know how. So you project it on him.

You said " He wants to stay in the relationship, but it feels like he just wants me to drop all of this " but I feel you are talking about yourself here.

Summarizing: I think you need to work on your ego, develop the unconditional love (feeling it for you first!) and see what kind of present you have AND WANT with your partner. The past is the past if it´s really over. But never accept a person that limits your life. I think everything could have a solution, even your relationship but it depends on what you both want. Maybe this is a situation for learning and strengthening the relationship and evolving together.

Don´t forget you´re living this situation for some reason, there´s something here to learn.
September 23, 2022 at 07:32
(Gemini) FOWL » Tina95
Maybe you could send him some articles or youtube videos speaking specifically about Scorpio Moon... that might help him come to terms with what you are going through in a way you explaining it might now do.
Sometimes people need an outside source to frame it.
Posts: 58-34 33-9 8-1
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