Lifelong Power Struggles and People-Pleasing

November 20, 2019 at 23:49 (UT/GMT)
(Leo) RunnerChic85
Lifelong Power Struggles and People-Pleasing
Hello, I´m new here, and fairly new to astrology as well. It started when my mother made a comment that my brother and I are both Leo´s, but we´re so different, so I started to dig into astrology, got my birth chart, and a lot of things in my chart explain so much of what I´ve experienced so far in this life. I hope to be able to use this information to live a more fulfilling, peaceful, and happy life.

One theme that has been in my life, well, most of my life, is that I seem to attract very controlling people...my family growing up was extremely controlling, and I mean extremely...I wasn´t allowed to do anything most girls my age were, and that kept me from having friends, and I often wasnt allowed to have friends, and then was ridiculed for not having friends.

Family (except my husband...he is truly wonderful) nowadays also just seem that they want to dominate me and at first I tend to let them because I don´t like conflict, and want to be accepted. When I make civil attempts to stand up for myself, I get patronized and invalidated, and they push harder for control. I finally get so fed up that I´m more direct, sometimes even aggressive, in my attempts to stand up for my needs, and that´s when things get ugly...I´m often painted to be this selfish, rude, nasty person, and they often drop me. I feel like if I´m not a people-pleasing yes-woman, no one likes me, and that that is what I have to be like in order to be accepted. On a rare occasion when I do (gently) lay down boundaries right away with a new friend, they want nothing to do with me. Heck, even my own kids, especially my oldest son, tries to walk all over me, and when I put my foot down, I´m made to feel like the worst mom ever.

Like I said, I´m new to astrology...but if someone could take a look at my chart and see if there is anything that is setting me up for this type of power struggle, and what I can do to get out of it, that would be great. I want to have strong, harmonious relationships with family, and have some healthy friendships, but no one seems to want me in their life unless of a people-pleasing yes-woman.

A very prominent person in my life, my mother, who really do love, still tries to control every detail of my life, and makes awful threats if I don´t comply, is a Gemini sun and Scorpio moon FWIW (not that Gemini´s or Scorpio´s are bad...I just wonder if her energy just doesn´t mesh with mine or something like that).

My husband and MIL say I tend to be overbearing and like things my way (they´re wonderful and saying this in a constructive way, they really are)...that´s kind of a surprise for me, since toward my family or origin (especially my mother), and new friends, I tend to let people walk all over me.

Any input?

Thank you

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November 21, 2019 at 14:47
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com
System message: Post has been written by user orkest, who already deleted profile on this website:
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As a LEO you need to be independent in some degree. You have Mars in :175: so it´s even stronger. You can´t negotiate with anyone until you can say ´go to hell´ and stick to it.

Lilith in 11th house
Mars square Node
Chiron in Gemini
Pluto sextile Sun
North Node in Taurus

You actually can be overbearing not knowing that. People feel your strong energy which was surpressed as you wrote by your mother but it´s still in you. They feel endangered so theirs defence mechanism is ´kill or be killed´. They walk all over you until you walk all over them.

You need to find out what to change in yourself by yourself. What do you think about establishing healthy boundaries and sticking to it, being assertive, respecting yourself so the others could respect you?
November 21, 2019 at 20:05
(Leo) RunnerChic85 » orkest
Thinking of that more, that actually makes a lot of sense...I´ve always had a tendency to do my own thing, be independent, and actually feel more at peace when I´m independent...Lilith in 11th house makes a lot of sense.

I´ve actually been told by a few well-meaning people that at first they were actually a little intimidated by me and thought I was conceited (what?!)...I was surprised, so I think in the future I made a concentrated effort to NOT come off that way, since I want to be accepted and liked, and maybe people then saw me as someone easily dominated.

I tend to, within family now (husband and kids, and also in-laws), naturally want to take on the planner/leader/creating structure role, it feels comfortable for me, but my husband and MIL well-meaningly, sometimes directly and sometimes indirectly, have told me I need to sometimes step back and consider others´ wishes (husband is Taurus with a lot of Taurus and Libra in his chart, MIL is Libra). I don´t want to be the type to steamroll those close to me, so I´ve been working toward letting go of some control.

With any type of newer friendship starting (and was that way earlier on with husband Jason and his family), I tend to be the bottle-and-blow type. I want to keep the peace and be liked, so tend to concede to them, and hold it in when something bothers me, and it stews, and finally I reach a breaking point and they´re shocked. I think I need to work on balancing these two extremes...maybe be brave enough to assert myself earlier when I´m not at my boiling point.
November 22, 2019 at 00:47
(Pisces) fishscales
You have people-pleasing Venus in Cancer, the most nurturing sign, conjunct your ascendant... The moon, ruler of your ascendant, is in Libra, another people pleasing sign...

You probably go out of your way for others alot...to be caring towards them, sensitive to their feelings, diplomatic, willing to compromise.. Generally harmonious...

But of course, you have your own needs too...

What´s probably often happens to you is that people become accustomed to your nurturing, diplomatic, people pleasing ways, and of course, they like it (why wouldn´t they right?)... Now, the problematic part is that they start to expect it all the time...

But there´s another side to you too...

You have the sun, Mars, and Mercury in your 2nd house of values...you feel strongly about your own values and what is worthwhile to you, and when you express that... Which you may have a tendency to do very strongly and clearly... It throws the people who are used to that compromising and sensitive Venus/Cancer/Libra side of you for a loop... They may even get angry, or adopt a "how dare you attitude" when you stand up for yourself and voice your own values...

Your Mercury is also opposed to Jupiter (as is Mars, loosely), so when you have that second house "explosion" of your own values, and feel like it´s time to get YOUR wants and needs across to people, it may come out in a somewhat overblown way... Maybe a little too aggressive, maybe a little too verbose (Jupiter expands things)...

I can relate to alot of what you´re saying very well...both sides of it...I have strong Libra, Venus, and Pisces (similar to Cancer in alot of ways) influences, and also a stubborn, fixed Taurus Mars (similar to a 2nd house Mars) in the smoldering, sometimes resentful 8th house...as well as an Aries Mercury...

I will try to give you some actual constructive advice next post... These are the things that just jumped out at me at first... The Libra/Venus/Cancer influences combined with those strong, assertive, 2nd house planets...

I used whole signs for this interpretation. Your planetary positions may be different from what you´re used to if you use Placidus, or the default house system of Astroseek and most (all?) other astrology sites...
November 23, 2019 at 18:46
(Leo) RunnerChic85 » fishscales
Fishscales, thanks for the info...yeah I definitely feel a lot of push-pull with the Cancer/Venus energy at my ascendant, along with the Libra moon...then the strong Leo energy. They say the ascendant is what people see when they´re just getting to know me, so that would make sense that they expect ALL of me to be like that and are taken for a loop when my sun sign shines through. Acquaintances say I´m reserved and sweet, but if you ask those closest to me, they´d say I have an ambitious, bold, and sometimes pushy side.

I wish I could find a way to integrate my softer Cancer/Libra qualities with my bolder Leo qualities. I guess maybe in a way I´m starting to...an example I have is with Cancer being about nurturing and Libra being about fairness...we´ll, I am very protective of my children, and if I see unfairness (from a teacher, coach, relative, etc), I´ll definitely defend my children. Two years ago, I had a tendency to blow my top, and was very unkind to my son´s daycare teacher. I´ve gotten much better at softening my approach, and I´ve noticed we reach a better resolution when I´m more calm and diplomatic.
November 23, 2019 at 20:31
(Capricorn) ShriSaiganeshE-jyotish
reposted for ready ref :

Sensitive cancer asc, moon wavery sociable ibra,
wear pearl over silver ring over jup finger;

sun-mer-mars leo 2nd, energetic, sensitive, individualist;
aptitude for medicine/surgery;

Sat-ketu separative SNode scorpio 5th,
keen research-occult-astro-forensic aptitudes;
suspicious, sentimental, sarcastic, secretive, passionate;
pain-injury-surgery urological, heart, stomach, etc;
prayers to Mother Goddess, offer red flowers tues evenings;

Rahu NNode taurus 11th, love of food-comforts, gains from foreigners;

Sat-rahu opp, rise-fall in life, prayers for ancestors,
observe fast No-moon evenings; observe death anniversaries religiously;
wear brown hessonite over pendant touching heart;
serve-donate at old age homes and old people in family-society;

Taurus-venus inimical-malefic for cancer asc,
stress-delays in income-gains-friendships;
rahu over inimical taurus, toxic throat-thyroid-dental-ear issues;

Inimical venus over cancer asc, impressive looks,
heart-lung-head health issues;
float 1.25kg each large white beans+mustard seeds
over a clean flowing river Mon after sunset,
with prayers to Mother Goddess;

rahu now trasit venus cancer for foreign relationship,
while prone to toxic health issues-kidneys etc;

Sat-ketu now transit cap 7th, detachment in marriage,
pain-injury-surgery abdominals-knees etc;

jup over mystic acq 7th, reformist;
jup lord 6th for health, abdominal-liver issues;
prayers for saint of faith,
offer yellow flowers at alter at home sat mornings;

jup now transit own sag 6th, good for health-employment;
jup sag trine sun-mer-mars leo 2nd for family-finances;
jup sooner moves to cap sign of debilation-liver issues etc;


hope find the inputs to reflect for clues,

do share spefic feedbacks how true-untrue-insightful etc,
traits-talents-health-life trends-ideas-remedies etc etc


wishing well, kshantaram
November 24, 2019 at 00:09
(Pisces) fishscales » RunnerChic85
I´d say lead with your sun... It´s your core, a truer reflection of who you really are than your ascendant.

You won´t "lose" your ascendant qualities, your inner sun qualities will just be filtered through them...

My sun and ascendant do things differently...and I prefer the way my sun does things, and also feel like I´m being truer to myself when I´m "coming from" my sun...
November 24, 2019 at 01:38
(Leo) RunnerChic85 » ShriSaiganeshE-jyotish
Thank you Shri! This is a little more in-depth than I know about astrology, but some of it really resonates with me...I´ve always been very sensitive...people would say "stop being so sensitive" and it bothered me at first, but when I did my chart and found I have Cancer rising, I´ve come to embrace that sensitive is how I´m supposed to be.

2nd house matters resonate a lot with me too--I´m a very passionate person, and when I set my mind to a goal, I go full-force, and there is nothing stopping me.

The Taurus/Venus malific for Cancer asc resonates too--my gosh, I have had throat, dental and ear infections all my life.
November 24, 2019 at 01:49
(Leo) RunnerChic85 » fishscales
Fishscales...true...when I´m with people I feel truly comfortable with, I tend to act way more like my sun sign, outgoing, funny, bold...and I feel like I´m truer to myself. I also feel truer to myself when I do many fire-sign activities--I run marathons, love being active and outdoors, love adventure. My husband and his family would say I´m definitely a Leo.

Good to know I won´t lose my ascendant qualities too--I love the sensitive, nurturing qualities (I wouldn´t mind getting rid of my shyness though). It takes me awhile to warm up to people for my sun-sign qualities to shine through...anywhere from a few days to a few months, depending on the person and what type of vibe they are giving off. When my sun sign qualities come through, it´s usually when I feel trusting and comfortable around them, and then I feel more true to myself as well.
November 24, 2019 at 02:40
(Pisces) fishscales » RunnerChic85
Your assessment makes alot of sense...


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