HELP PLS. hooking up w/ friend of 6yrs but i´m gay and scared?

November 6, 2019 at 17:59 (UT/GMT)
(Capricorn) pei_mei6
HELP PLS. hooking up w/ friend of 6yrs but i´m gay and scared?
i´ve always claimed myself as a lesbian/homo-romantic. i could have sex with males but never date them, but my friend of 6 yrs who just told me they´re non-binary and i have been hooking up and i´m starting to think i have feelings?? but i feel like we´re too different? any advice/interps? i don´t want to lose a friendship if it doesn´t end well...
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November 6, 2019 at 18:52
System message: Post has been written by user Vanille, who already deleted profile on this website:
Youre not allowed to call yourself a lesbian when you like dick lmao

Lesbian means homoromantic and homosexual, you´re bi.
November 6, 2019 at 18:58
(Taurus) » Vanille
System message: Post has been written by user Vanille, who already deleted profile on this website:
And this is problematic as there are still too many men who are like "I could turn you" (and then they mean by giving you the D) which is very disrespectful and a real lesbian (who accepted herself) would never.

It´s okay to be bi, doesn´t have to be 50/50, you can be leaning more towards gay or straight, you can prefer one sex sexually and the other romantically as well.

I consider myself a lesbian on the asexual spectrum (I only like women, a lot, but my sexual attraction is weak, tho not completely absent which is the case with full on asexuals)
November 6, 2019 at 19:30
(Capricorn) pei_mei6 » Vanille
i´ve started just identifying myself as queer. said friend that i´m hooking up with is non-binary and this has all been very confusing and unsettling for me. they´re the only person with a penis i ever THOUGHT i had feelings for.

the queer community has a whole spectrum that you can fall into. i´ll still call myself lesbian or queer because i am only interested in women romantically and anyone else is purely just physical. i.e homo-romantic.
November 6, 2019 at 19:38
(Capricorn) pei_mei6 » Vanille
but anyways, if you had any advice/interps on the chart, i´d appreciate it! if not, this isn´t the place to debate my sexuality.
November 6, 2019 at 19:39
(Capricorn) pei_mei6 » Vanille
one last thing, you shouldn´t try to tell someone what they are or who they like, etc. when lesbians/bi women use strap-ons, does that mean they´re bi? no. genitals have nothing to do w/ male or female.
November 6, 2019 at 20:35
(Taurus) » pei_mei6
System message: Post has been written by user Vanille, who already deleted profile on this website:
Bisexual and homoromantic is a commonly used term and that is what you are (if not bi/panromantic, but with a really strong preference for girls)
Strap-ons and penises are NOT the same + genitalia is not the only difference between males and females (so is general build, face, voice, smell etc) strap-ons are great for bi/pan-girls with a girlfriend, I personally would never want to use it tho I know some lesbians do, but they´re still clearly fake and attached to a woman so yeah...

People like you are the reason straight guys keep bothering lesbians...

Just like I know some women who would totally kiss a hot girl at a party, maybe even have a threesome, but never date one. Those are bisexual and heteroromantic. It´s important to clarify that so no one gets confused or accidently led on...

You can´t call yourself gay, straight or lesbian unless you´re ONLY into one sex in all ways. Lesbian means a female who´s both homoromantic and homosexual AKA same sex, not dick.
And it´s totally fine to be somewhere on the spectrum, but be honest about it. Use a vague term if you aren´t sure yet (like queer, bicurious etc) Giving men the wrong ideas when lesbians are already so heavily sexualized is problematic and hurtful...

You have no idea how many guys sent me unasked for nudes or aggressively flirted because "love is love" or they claimed their dick was so good, and "lesbians" fell for them before, so I should too... It´s sickening and disrespectful.

Damn I sound like my ex now... Shoutout to my ex y´all <3
November 6, 2019 at 20:43
(Capricorn) boyakasha the guru » Vanille
I am really enjoying my tea and biscuits here watching you guys.
November 6, 2019 at 20:47
(Taurus) Iceblu333 » Vanille
But what about women who like peni... But hate men? Like wants to slit a man´s throat... In pure rage...

Like a woman who´s been hurt by men and found a girl/woman she likes and marries.
And have lost all attraction to men but like to be penetrated.

D. Or Dildos are just something she likes. Because that´s what gets her off... But is fully in love with her girlfriend.... No attraction and pure hate towards men.

Doesn´t that make them a lesbian?

No judgment. Just asking
November 6, 2019 at 20:54
(Taurus) Iceblu333 » pei_mei6
I say, if you are confused or scared I would take my time. There´s no rush when you have something important to lose. Just make sure you are very clear to that person why you want to take it slow.

If they just want to have sex, then take that off the table as it will destroy your friendship.

I personally have a problem. When I sleep with a person, their mines, sexually. You can´t take that back.

We can´t be friends after that because from then on out it would be sex first then conversation later. EVERYTIME WE MEET.

So I can´t have sex with a person an be friends after. Too much fakeness after.
November 6, 2019 at 21:18
(Taurus) » Iceblu333
System message: Post has been written by user Vanille, who already deleted profile on this website:
No, that actually doesn´t happen. Hating men due to trauma doesn´t make one gay and if she ends up with a woman (succesfully) later on, she was never fully straight to begin with.

I heard enough stories of girls who were "done with men" and "going gay" and most failed, hurting their girlfriend in the process. And isn´t it strange how some women have abusive relationship after abusive relationship with men? Those don´t "go gay" either because well, they aren´t and they know it...

"But what about women who like peni... But hate men? Like wants to slit a man´s throat... In pure rage..."

November 6, 2019 at 21:21
System message: Post has been written by user goldenlion32, who already deleted profile on this website:
Why these days there are so many new vocabulary words I´m not even keeping track. I believe in the good old fashion whatever happens behind closed doors is your own business no matter what sexual preference. Why make it so complicated with labels, categories, niches, and I think pretty much words don´t really define who you are period.
November 6, 2019 at 21:23
(Taurus) Iceblu333 » Vanille
"No, that actually doesn´t happen."

So you are saying that you know everyone´s mentality and situation/sexuality? And you are speaking for every lesbian on earth?
November 6, 2019 at 21:36
(Taurus) » Iceblu333
System message: Post has been written by user Vanille, who already deleted profile on this website:
Yeah, if you know what homosexual and heterosexual mean, you will understand that falling for the other sex makes you not gay or straight, but bi. Bisexuality is actually very common and not 50/50, some people will find out later in life (because they mean lean strongly to one side and haven´t met anyone to trigger the other side untill then)

Being gay and having to deal with homophobes a lot, done lots of research to debunk their comments about it being a choice and we can change and what not, interacted with many queer people and heard their stories, I know what I´m talking about. No one can "turn" into anything, but you can discover a part of yourself that may´ve not been triggered before, or has been repressed.

And really, if a woman was badly hurt by a man, then falls for a woman (AKA finds out she´s bi, many women have been hurt but go look for a better man instead or refrain from dating at all anymore) like these are the success stories right? She stays with her till the end, not because she "turned gay" but because she found "the one" and that could happen to anyone regardless of sex and orientation... You won´t look further if you found that special someone. Bi people in a lasting relationship didn´t pick a side, they picked a person.
November 6, 2019 at 21:42
(Taurus) Iceblu333 » Vanille
I did not say fall for the opposite sex or man, I said the lesbian person likes penis but hate men. They hate men as a gender. They hate anything that has to deal with a man. They hate men.

But they like to be penetrated sexually to get off on that.

I consider that a lesbian. They hate men. Would never date a man. But like to be penetrated sexually. Every opinion is biased and is based on what they have personally been through.
By your tone I feel like you have been personally hurt by a girl that has left you for a man and that´s why you feel like sexuality is black and white instead of fluid. That´s your choice however...

But i will listen to your personal opinion.
November 6, 2019 at 22:01
(Capricorn) boyakasha the guru » goldenlion32
Exactly my thoughts!! Thank god someone´s normal. I swear this gender stuff will drive you nuts. Here´s what´s happening, these guys will never stop until a 3rd party intervenes and tells them who´s the "bigger person" cuz both are not ready to accept the L graciously. They´ll start to chat after draining themselves here and the chapter will close with one person getting blocked by the other. It´s actually no longer about gender and sexuality but who dominates and who gives up.
November 6, 2019 at 22:04
(Taurus) » Iceblu333
System message: Post has been written by user Vanille, who already deleted profile on this website:
I´m a strict lesbian on the ace spectrum and I love men... But only as a friend. Or do you think straight men hate men too? No, many have male friends, brothers etc...

Lesbians can enjoy penetration with fingers or toys, sure! And then it will be a woman doing it to her with her fingers or toys. Penetration doesn´t mean there has to be an actual penis involved lmao (and for the record, I hate penetration, I won´t reveal what I do like tho) if you like actual penises and would totally fuck a man because he has one, you´re not a lesbian...

I have been left for a man but she was honest from day one about being bi, that´s different from saying you´re gay and still fuck guys... It leaves a bad impression and gives men the wrong ideas (that look, they could turn us after all!)

Sexuality isn´t black and white and it´s totally fine to identify as bi, fluid or queer, but not gay or straight as those ARE black and white identities (and enough people are actually strictly gay or straight) and it happens that some THINK they are fully gay or straight, but find out otherwise, but if you actively sleep with men for fun (not women with dildos, but men) you can´t call yourself a lesbian, period.
November 6, 2019 at 22:05
(Pisces) fishscales » goldenlion32
Love it when you post stuff like that.

Is there a word for people like me?

November 6, 2019 at 22:07
(Taurus) » fishscales
System message: Post has been written by user Vanille, who already deleted profile on this website:
November 6, 2019 at 22:14
(Taurus) Iceblu333 » Vanille
I still say that if you hate men while being a female, you are lesbian.

You can still like dick/ being penetrated to get off but can only love/live with a female. You hate the smell of a man. The mustles of a man. Everything about a man but the dick.

You use the dildo to get off but it´s only about the "Full" feeling and you need that to get off... You still hate men and you are not attracted to men. Cannot live with a man...

You just like being... I´m getting to graphic... But you know what I mean.
You don´t like men but like the feeling of being stretched out sexually....

I´m done...

If you hate men and are not attracted in no way to a man, you are a lesbian.

You can like your vagina being stretched out a specific way, by a specific thing and not like men...

Im done... I´m getting too graphic...
November 6, 2019 at 22:14
(Pisces) fishscales » Vanille

I could make a bad sushi joke but I will refrain...

Actually... I don´t know any bad sushi jokes... :(
November 6, 2019 at 22:15
(Taurus) » Iceblu333
System message: Post has been written by user Vanille, who already deleted profile on this website:
And you have to understand I wrote paragraphs for a guy here as well to leave me alone, because he didn´t get that not all women are open to penis, actual gay women exist. The amount of people saying we´re turnable or that it´s just a choice is still shocking in 2019 so we can´t use bisexuals calling themselves lesbians when they aren´t. And the same goes for gay people trying to turn straight people, it´s less common but it happens and is equally disgusting.
November 6, 2019 at 22:19
(Taurus) Iceblu333 » Vanille
No, I believe that if you are gay you are gay.

If you start to like something else later that´s your new personal preference.

I used to hate vegetables as a kid but love them now... So it is what it is.
November 6, 2019 at 22:24
(Taurus) » Iceblu333
System message: Post has been written by user Vanille, who already deleted profile on this website:
No lesbian likes actual dick lmao what fairytale did you read, even many straight women think it´s gross... And your theory makes no sense even IF that was possible, cause she´ll still have to see and smell the oh so unattractive guy she hates so much...

Women who have been hurt and only use guys for their sexual pleasures aren´t lesbians, many women who do that don´t even date other women either. They either got scared of dating at all or are aromantic (unable to fall in love but have libido)

And did you know it´s a known fact among women that penetration doesn´t even work that well? Why do you think fake orgasms are so common and where the "lesbians do it better" jokes come from. You´re a disgusting troll just... Get educated or something wtf
November 6, 2019 at 22:24
(Taurus) Iceblu333 » Vanille
But that´s just a sexual preference while having sex. It has nothing to do with the emotional/physical bond to the person you chose.
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