Another N. Node thread - Discussions, questions

Sunnyshadow Just wanted to add that I´ve taken a couple weeks off work and am feeling better, although I have to go back tomorrow and am still not ready to go back. I seriously think I screwed up going into work dealing with the public. It drains me very badly. A little worse every year, to the point i feel like I´m gonna have a nervous breakdown. I came across this which is pretty spot on, and where I´m at:

Severe mental and emotional burnout is actually a serious side-effect for all 12th house North nodes, largely because the native usually needs to learn how to erect better boundaries around his or her psychic-sieve personality

So now I´m (still) trying to eject myself from what I´ve created. I am very close to just walking away from all of it. Think I want to become a zen master.

Seriously though, I´m really scratching my head right now looking for any kind of answers I can find. May just have to go for a looooooooong walk and figure it out.

fishscales If you decide to take that long walk, your astroseek friends will be right behind you.

I mean, we´re not actually going, but we´ll be there in spirit.

...sorry, I couldn´t resist....

I do intend on replying to this for real at some point

Don´t know why, but I relate to your north node/Saturn in the 12th posts a helluva lot...

I have north node in the 4th and Pluto in the 12th, but both are trined by Saturn...maybe that´s it..(??)

fishscales » Sunnyshadow Every time I read one of your posts on this topic, I always think of this story:

A co-worker of mine used to work at a company that was owned by a father and his two sons. Some kind of light manufacturing place. They wore shirts and ties to work.

My co-worker friend said the father and his two sons were always pretty amiable and friendly with the employees--laughing and joking with them, that type of thing.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers went quiet. No more joking, barely talked to anyone. This went on for about a month.

Then one day, he came to work, stood outside his office, and gazed at the entire workplace with this faraway look in his eyes. My friend said he started getting nervous, because he thought the guy was going to start shooting the place up.

Instead, while standing outside his office in full view of the whole place, he calmly kicked off his shoes, and then took off his socks. He proceeded to untie his tie, which he removed, and then took off his shirt, followed by his pants, until he was down to his boxers. At this point, people started heckling, asking what the hell the guy was doing...as well as getting genuinely nervous. My friend, who liked the guy, thought there was about a "75% chance" that people were about to die.

Instead, the guy strode calmly to the door, still in nothing but his boxers, and walked out to the road.

He hailed a cab, got in, and that was it...he was gone.

Father refused to discuss it, and it appeared he had instructed the brother to do the same.

Well, years later, one of my friend´s co-workers at that place ran into the guy somewhere near the gulf of Mexico. (Florida or Louisiana, I can´t remember.)

The guy had long hair and a beard, tanned and happy. Woman on each arm.

My friend´s co-worker friend asked him what happened.

The guy said he just couldn´t do it anymore.

He worked when he had too--odd jobs.

Other than that, fun in the sun.

And with the ladies, apparently.

I was always fascinated by this story.

The moment that guy stood in front of his office, gazing at the life he was about to leave behind, and kicked off his shoes must have been a hell of a moment for him, no?

I´m sure that for him, everything had truly stopped. One of those "eternal moments."

Like something you´d see in a movie.

I dunno. Some people may call what that guy did cowardice.

I think I might call it the courage to do what is necessary.

Maybe not the kind of courage we build up in ourselves through willpower, but the kind that rises up from an unknown place inside of us when we´re standing on the edge of the unknown, and decide to step off the cliff anyway....

Sunnyshadow » fishscales Haha, too funny. I´ve always felt a little like Gump. I would have been one of his followers. Dudes got it figured out MAN!

Glad someone can relate. This shish is tough. I´m actually glad I found astrology or else I would have thought I was just crazy. Most everything i read about it is accurate and explains alot about why i feel the ways i do.

Sunnyshadow » fishscales Love that story. I think it gave me goosebumps, no shit.

I´ve been suggested to move to an island, and I admit, the thought is both extremely fascinating and scary. I actually just spent a week at the beach. Every day I felt a little calmer, a little more relaxed, more centered. Didnt have to talk to a soul, although I did have a couple friends visit, which was nice. Started smiling and talking to strangers instead of avoiding them. I just kept feeling better and better. (Its the beach, no shocking revelation)
Anyway, as soon as I got back home my mood went back down. I´m living in an unfinished house, been going on for about 2 years now. It´s a new house and I dont have a big mortgage to repay, trying to do the work myself and save money. But I have become completely 100% over it. I dont even want it anymore. Too big for 1 person, too much money, too close to neighbors, too much STRESS! It went from what I thought was one of my greatest achievements, to a very heavy burden in a matter of about 18 months. Now when I walk in, I just feel heavy weight and burdened without any kind of rewarding feeling at all. Trying to get rid of it. My life has become overly complicated and stifling and the idea of living down by the ocean like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon sounds great

fishscales » Sunnyshadow "My life has become overly complicated and stifling and the idea of living down by the ocean like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon sounds great"

Fuck yeah dude

None of the things you mentioned about going home are good... That heavy feeling and all of that

And now you´ve gotten a taste of the "other side"... Being alone and recharging your mental and emotional batteries causing you to engage with people you don´t know

When I went to the small village my dad was from in Greece, I thought it was strange, being from NJ, that people you didn´t know would wave and say hello to you when you passed them in the road... Took me a while to figure out that I was the weird one... Every time I went back there I had to readjust from my NJ conditioning... It´s amazing the walls that go up, and even more amazing when they come down...

The thing that makes it hard on you but is also your saving grace is that you realize this stuff, and it actually bothers you

So "what are you gonna do?" is what it comes down too

And I know that probably stresses your 12th house Saturn to the max... Just like the thought of not being in control stresses my 12th house Pluto to the max

Tough, tough placements... But they demand something be done in order to show the positive sides of themselves.. or the positive sides of ourselves to ourselves.

Sunnyshadow » fishscales "My co-worker friend said the father and his two sons were always pretty amiable and friendly with the employees--laughing and joking with them, that type of thing.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers went quiet. No more joking, barely talked to anyone. This went on for about a month."

I liked the whole story, but this part really stood out. Being in sales, management, etc it´s like you´re required to always be happy, cheerful, talkative, etc. etc. But good Lord, people aren´t always happy and cheerful and talkative. What´s worse, if you try to just be left alone, then you have to talk to people about why you´re not happy and cheerful and talkative. That´s worse than just putting on a fake smile and being the gosh darned happiest person ever. Jesus f´n Christ, I just want to be left alone. But you can´t. You´re at the mercy of whoever comes before you. And just being left alone ain´t happenin´

That always takes me back to my 12th house loner/secluded placements. It´s not that I dont like people, it´s just that they drain the ever loving life right out of me

To be fair, I´m coming to the end of another busy season. That´s when the burnout is in inferno mode

Sunnyshadow » fishscales Yes, I agree. It´s not good. It´s the worst I´ve felt about being at "home" ever. It does NOT feel like home. It´s crazy the curveballs life throws at us sometimes. Although in hindsight, the house never really felt right. It was an intellectual decision, but the feeling was never really there. I think being too close to neighbors bothers me. And they are pretty close beside me. Need space, seclusion.

What am I gonna do about it? Hmmm. That is the $1mil. question. I´ve just got to liquidate my assets (house, business, couple toys I dont need) and search for something better. It would be nice to find someone to run my business, but dont know if that would be possible. Plus it would keep me tethered to something when what I really want is a complete breakaway. Kinda like the guy in the story earlier. I may even strip down in front giving me some good ideas here.

Yeah saturns fear shit needs to stop. Saturn can kiss my ass. Lol. It does cause alot of fear and hesitation. It´s scary working at one thing for soooooo long only to let it all go, but I´m starting to feel the rope slipping. It´s been getting progressively worse over the years. I really think this was calling me almost a decade ago, but my hard headedness and refusal to quit (pluto 1st known for having strong willpower) kept me going. But the progressive and recurring desire to let it go just keeps getting stronger, and louder.

Kinda losing my train of thought,

Enjoyed reading your post, they do seem to help. I´ll send a pic of the beach bungalow I end up with,

fishscales » Sunnyshadow "I liked the whole story, but this part really stood out. Being in sales, management, etc it´s like you´re required to always be happy, cheerful, talkative, etc. etc."

I know what you mean, but I guess I´m kind of lucky in this way. I work in retail, but unlike you, it´s not my own business. And I started from the bottom up, so the clientele had a chance to adjust to my idiosyncrasies.

I have kind of a weird attitude regarding customer service too.

There was a sign in a deli where I used to live that read:

"We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, at any time, for any reason."

It kind of had a "soup nazi" effect, though not nearly as extreme. All the customers pretty much stayed in line, because they knew there was an expectation. And that´s the way it should be. "The customer is always right" is the biggest crock of shit line ever conceived. No one is ever "always right." Some idiot once sprang that line on me in the middle of some dispute, and that´s exactly how I responded, and informed him--with finality--that he would not be getting what he was asking for. His mouth just kinda dropped, and he said something stupid akin to "well I never!" and just shuffled off.

Anyway, getting back to that sign... to me, that´s how you run a business. Courtesy and respect have to be a two way street between vendor and client.

I´m lucky because my crew knows I feel this way, and they have my back as a result.

Maybe I would feel differently about all this if I ran my own business, I don´t know.

"What´s worse, if you try to just be left alone, then you have to talk to people about why you´re not happy and cheerful and talkative."



Yeah I hear you. For the most part, I have a really good relationship with my crew. But I still absolutely have my days, and on those days, I find something to do that is away from people, at least until the black cloud passes, which usually doesn´t take too long. There´s just too much crazy/funny/bizarre shit happening at my work to be in a bad mood all day. But still, while you´re going through that phase, the "what´s the matters" and "are you oks" can be pretty grating

Have you ever tried just telling people you don´t feel like talking about what´s bothering you?

I think as Libra risings, that can be tough... They want to know what´s happening, and we feel the need to accommodate their request...even though it may not be the most beneficial thing for us at the time...

For better or worse, my Uranus conjunct ASC makes me a bit more abrubt and brusque than the average Libra rising though...I may respond to someone pestering me about whether I´m OK or not in such a way that they may not care if I´m OK anymore

In which case, problem solved

fishscales » Sunnyshadow "I´ll send a pic of the beach bungalow I end up with, "

Imagine the housewarming party you could have, all by yourself, away from all the bullshit, in your fortress of solitude

Just don´t invite Shadow Company...

Sunnyshadow » fishscales Oh trust me, I can get the point across fairly quick when I´m not in the mood. But then I sometimes feel guilty for being short with people, or failing to meet their expectations. It´s like a double edged sword. And having customers you´ve known for years, you cant really be short with them. Lately when people ask how I´m doing or hows it going or whatever, I say something like, "I´m here" or "I´m hanging in there" with the somberest face I can muster, to try to let them know right off the bat to just get whatever they are after and stfu! Lol. But some people are so stupid they cant pick up on it. I deal with alot of older customers who are probably starved for socialization, which makes it harder. I sometimes have to pretend I´ve got something to do to just get them out of there. Then the phone rings, or one of my crew wants to ask me something. Non-stop stimulation, and not the good kind. I think I read something about having the moon in 7th house makes me highly responsive to people, which I hate. I cant just sit back and stay quiet. I´m responsive to people (customers) especially having moon in Aries. It wears me out I tell ya. It´s funny because I suppose I´m pretty good at what I do, but I´ve just become completely and totally exhausted from it.

I like that sign. I had a terrible customer one time and that saying popped into my head and that´s what I told him. That I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone at anytime. He was a super jerk, he told me he´d never be back to which I replied "I can only hope" lol

Sunnyshadow » fishscales

I´m totally getting that hairdo to match as well

Sunnyshadow » fishscales View from a few nights ago,

fishscales » Sunnyshadow "Oh trust me, I can get the point across fairly quick when I´m not in the mood. But then I sometimes feel guilty for being short with people, or failing to meet their expectations. It´s like a double edged sword."

Always, always the pattern with me too.

Must be the circle of hell reserved specifically for Libra ascendants...

And with planets like Pluto and Uranus in our first houses, we probably find ourselves on the "regret" side of things more often than most Libra ascendants...

Maybe the Libra rising people with Mars in the 1st can relate...

fishscales » Sunnyshadow I´m totally getting that hairdo to match as well

You could always test it by photoshopping Mel Gibsons Lethal Weapon hair onto a picture of yourself...

Maybe you could make it your new profile pic... First stages of saying "fuck the world"

fishscales » Sunnyshadow Re the picture... It´s amazing what certain settings can do for our mental state

I dunno, I´m very effected by it

The great places we go for vacation, and the way they make us feel... I gotta wonder...why not just live there?

I know we can never escape ourselves, but I think certain environments can be more conducive to unfolding the better parts of ourselves, whether it´s because they´re more relaxing, closer to nature, or what have you.

Then again, I´m a Pisces with planets in the water houses, so I´m very sensitive to my environment.

Whstever´s out there, I soak it up.

Astro-Seek.com » fishscales System message: Post has been written by user berrycat, who already deleted profile on this website:
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Woohoo! Is this the reclusive empaths thread!?

I have a Scorpio Ascendant with a Cancer Moon and am water-dominant in my chart. If someone feels something... I will also.

I definitely believe that sensitive people thrive in nature and are harmed by built-up cities. And customer service!

x

Astro-Seek.com » Sunnyshadow System message: Post has been written by user berrycat, who already deleted profile on this website:
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Judith Orloff (have you heard of her?) has written some amazing books about how to function as a sensitive person. I found the exercises she includes about creating and maintaining energetic boundaries really helpful!

I have heard that a lot of empathic people think that their symptoms of sensory overload or ´mental and emotional burnout´ relate to a period of illness or a strange time in their lives and they will literally wait to get better. It can take a long time for individuals to acknowledge that some people, environments and situations are toxic for their energy.

I say that... but there are some of my jobs that have to go too!

x

Sunnyshadow » berrycat Liked your posts, glad there are others out there with the same struggles. I will take a look at her books. ? wish I could find my place in nature, I agree about the city life and too many people being hard on some of us. I used to live way out in the country on a small hill. Absolutely loved the sunsets out there. That´s the one thing I miss the most.

HeavenSent » fishscales That story is spectacular. And such great telling.

I worked in a well-paying soul-destroying corporate world setting during a now-distant life chapter, and one day, I, too, just stopped. I. just. could. not. do. it. for. another. minute.

My mother being diagnosed with a fatal illness was the trigger. I lay in bed for many days, unable to cope (Pisces rising), then got up, enrolled in a master´s degree, and pursued my real passion.

I didn´t strip down to my skivvies, though, ha ha.

Astro-Seek.com » Sunnyshadow System message: Post has been written by user berrycat, who already deleted profile on this website:
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I liked yours too. Absolutely, I think that this life is not set up to be conducive to people´s happiness or well-being. Your small hill sounds beautiful!

Astro-Seek.com » HeavenSent System message: Post has been written by user berrycat, who already deleted profile on this website:
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HeavenSent, you are a brave and cool Pisces-rising lady x

fishscales » HeavenSent I´m glad you got out of a world that didn´t suit you, and worked to get into a better one.

The corporate world can be rough going for the Pisces-influenced.

It does seem cold, one dimensional, and soulless. To me anyway.

Im sorry the catalyst had to be what it was though. :(

"I didn´t strip down to my skivvies, though, ha ha."

That does add kind of a special dimension to the story doesn´t it?

I think it would be a hilarious scene in a movie.

The frustrated director in me has always wanted to commit how I envision that scene to film.

HeavenSent » berrycat Aw, thanks for the very nice words, berrycat!

HeavenSent » fishscales Yes, that scene has all the qualities of an epic cinematic catharsis! Or yes, you could play it as comedy, too.

I like that he "just" becomes a playboy, in the end, rather than a meditating swami. Although maybe he did that, too, ha.

How would you depict the intervening years in your screenplay?

Perhaps he goes on a deep journey of spiritual self-discovery, only to ultimately conclude that hedonism is the answer?