12th House & making friends

September 19, 2022 at 15:17 (UT/GMT)
(Aries) GraceyT22
12th House & making friends
Hello everyone,

I wanted to come in here and talk to some like-minded astrobrained people since I am struggling to find the "right" place to have this discussion. I am 34 years old and have no siblings, no true friends and rarely speak to anyone outside my astrology clients (and partner + kids + dad, edited to add this) . Where does one begin to find new and REAL friends? I feel like people these days are so busy talking about themselves and demanding answers for things they could easily find with simple research yet when it comes to the human connection, we are all a bit lost on how to approach new friendships as adults?

I have felt like an emotional burden to many people in my life and felt like I needed to protect them from MY intensity as well. I have developed an eating disorder where I cannot eat in front of people thanks to being raised by a very intensely verbal abusive Capricorn mother. My self-esteem is something I have been growing back daily and wish I could be better at seeing myself in the light my partner sees me in. I do have a loving relationship and magical sense of protection from him, yet I don´t want to "burden" him once more with my "out there" research and projects at times too.

I´ve joined sisterhoods and priestess communities but none of it felt genuine to me, which is absolutely my own perception bias coming in! I often wish I grew up with siblings since my parents were too busy working and I was raised with nannies, so this could just be my only child syndrome flaring up as an adult too. I´ll start posting on here more too, in hopes to find some more like minded and lovely people that are also very "real" in their own communities.

I also love talking to people about astrology, as I am a full time astrologer for a few very "big" names, pro athletes, business moguls and entertainers alike... so I promise I know what I am talking about if you need some honest insight and don´t mind a possible delay while I research your chart! I don´t mind working for free, I am a Pisces MC & Mercury afterall! I always appreciate tips and hey, I am redoing my practice at the moment but still have readings open if someone feels so inclined to book!

Thanks for making it this far, all the love to you!

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September 19, 2022 at 16:01
(Virgo) Astrolottie
Hey, as someone with a lot of 12th house energy too, I guess we just need our alone time so that’s probably what doesn’t help with making and sustaining friendships 😅 but being aware of that and pushing past it is a good place to start I guess. I’ve also started learning astrology more in depth which is the good thing about this placement (quite spiritual). Some apps like bumble friends, meet up and even apps like this can be good for finding like minded people in your area and I use a visualisation app daily to help programme my mind positively and push past barriers and break down your goals/ obstacles to be more achievable and it makes a difference to me
September 19, 2022 at 16:32
(Leo) Hermetic Dreamer
I second what Astrolottie said.

Make sure you know what you want in friends and look for them where they are likely to be. Keep putting yourself out there and you will find your people. Once you have some friends that you connect with make a special effort to keep in touch with them so you can strengthen those bonds further.
September 19, 2022 at 19:27
(Taurus) heeps
La tua casa 11 è nel segno concreto e affidabile del segno del toro e inoltre venere il pianeta dominante è sempre in casa 11.Forse la chiave del problema è in quell´ opposizione che la stessa venere riceva da parte di Plutone , un bisogno impellente ed incolmabile di ricevere manifestazioni di amicizia profonda e allo stesso tempo una ricerca continua di autotrasformazione per apparire più attraenti a questo scopo.In questo momento urano di transito riflette un importante passaggio
anche perché contemporaneamente ci sarà un eclissi opposta al grado di venere.Tu che ne pensi?
September 19, 2022 at 20:19
(Capricorn) stellium12
can a twelfth house person really have friends. Sure, we can have a lot of acquaintances, we can be active, "fit in" by playing a roll, but there will always be a hole, something missing. I think a lot of it has to do with being able to feel the other person. No matter what they say or do, you can "feel" what they are not telling you. You´ll gravitate to the people with positive energy and avoid the energy vampires which drain you. If you´re lucky you´ll find someone who will come close to filling the void, but then you will test their commitment to you, (that may be 12th house venus in scorpio though). The tests will keep getting harder until you prove yourself right by driving them away.

It sounds depressing but a twelfth house person finds comfort in solitude and can achieve a state of bliss when they are by themselves.
September 19, 2022 at 20:26
(Pisces) Tina95
Hey :) So I don´t really have an answer for your questions, I just wanted to let you know that I know some of these feelings very well. It is a vicious cycle.

When I had some kind of a burn out, I struggled a lot with eating, because I would feel sick so fast. I developed so many strategies to just being able to eat something although I felt so sick to my stomach. It was all psychosomatic but it felt like hell.

I remember back then getting panic attacks when eating in front of or with other people because I feared so much the sick feeling again.

This was so hard to overcome. I know for people who don´t experience things like this it sounds so stupid, but it really is a struggle. What I learned through this, and maybe this helps you:

My fear was basically not feeling sick again. I didn´t like this, but I didn´t fear it. What I feared was: What will other people think of me?

Deep down, I was so afraid that people would see me as sick, as ill, as someone who needed help, as someone who isn´t doing well and this was pure horror for me - growing up in a family where you needed to "function".

Although this sounds like a small issue, this problem made friendships hard for me. On the one hand because going out to eat always stressed me out, and on the other hand, because I obviously was trying to hide something - the fact that I wasn´t doing well.

We don´t think much about it, but what you are describing with that you felt like an "emotional burden" basically means that you wanted to hide something from others. Or in other words: You put on a mask. You didn´t show yourself. And while showing not yourself, you cannot find true connection, and therefore no true friendships.

I am still on this journey of getting to be more authentic, but it gets better every time. When you find people and it doesn´t feel "genuine" to you, it is probably because you had a mask on yourself - in some way. Try to find out what you want to hide from others. And try instead showing this. It will probably help you finding and building new friendships :)
September 20, 2022 at 03:19
(Gemini) FOWL
The ruler of your eleventh is in your seventh... I guess your partner isn´t enough friendship for you eh?
September 20, 2022 at 04:50
(Virgo) rohini moon » FOWL
I mean, you can´t assume that. He could be a great friend, but that´s not to say she won´t want a female friend/or group community to also connect with. He could even be encouraging her pursuits for all we know.

7/11th connection always creates a spouse that pushes forth your spritual endeavors/spiritual knowledge - or wants you to also connect with that kind of community - as she said.. nuns and priests.

OP has Jupiter in Ashwini nakshatra ruled by Ketu. It is very common for them to share metaphysical knowledge with others (astrology) but being Ketu ruled gives you a sense of natural dissatisfaction. Dissatisfaction with general areas of life, plus isolation .. Astrologers have a very isolated job. These internal issues can crop up and be thrown at others in a negative manner - so watch out for that..

You have Venus with Jupiter here, you should channel more of your healing energy to help others.
September 20, 2022 at 04:53
(Gemini) FOWL » rohini moon
I wasn´t assuming anything Rohini... my comment was essentially a joke. If anything, looking at the ruler of the eleventh in the seventh, one might wonder if the place for friendship lies with the spouses of her partner´s friends... obviously, OP would know already if that was doable or not.... at any rate, I didn´t mean to imply he wasn´t great, or that she should be satisfied with her partner alone.
September 20, 2022 at 13:24
(Virgo) vulnerableflower
Hello! :74: I sympathize with your experience. I also have planets in 12th house. I can tip you about a group on facebook I’ve joined that has suited me pretty well. Ok, not that well, but much more than anything other has! It is about relationships. It’s unlike anything else I’ve seen before. You can message me if you want to know.
September 20, 2022 at 16:23
(Taurus) Boyan
Ruler of 12th house in the 11th house always represents the loss.
The loss of acquaintances,friendships,social interaction,communities idealism,profits.
Planet just describes type of the way this comes to realization.
Venus tend to do it gently but not always.
In this case that Venus is intensified with opposition from very potent Pluto in Scorpio(emotional burden part).
With his position in 5th house ruled by Libra it gives Venus not so joyful but fatalistic,cold aura.

And as for public and popularity Saturn(Capricorn) on DC does not help.
He did its bid (Capricorn mother and public eating disorder)
The good news is that people with Pisces MC tend to have quite good "emotional amortisation" system.
And they are able to cope with much of psychological damages and even help others.
September 20, 2022 at 16:37
(Aries) GraceyT22 » Astrolottie
Thank you Astrolottie!!! I love your photo and have always loved horses so much. They were my friends more than people were!

I would love to try a visualization app and reassure myself everything is working out the way it needs to! Methods of relaxing usually send me into a place of thinking about what else I have left to do!
September 20, 2022 at 16:58
(Aries) GraceyT22 » stellium12
I completely relate to the person that I have tested their commitment non-stop. I Have a Taurus Venus and since Taurus happens to be what starts my 12th House (since it is intercepted, it can be a mess) there is definitely "testing" that goes on.

Maybe my quest is to be alone and learn how that is okay too. Thank you for helping with this, I appreciate you greatly. I have been alone most of my life and can probably handle this period of time on my own too.
September 20, 2022 at 17:02
(Aries) GraceyT22 » Tina95
Thank you for your thoughtful and very relateable response. I am working so much on the "mask" I put out there because I really do feel like I transform into whatever someone wants of me. I have my Uranus & Neptune & Saturn directly opposite of my rising so it feels like I am battling who I really am most days enough as it is!!!

Something about having to hide your emotions and be efficient regardless sounds like you know exactly what I´m talking about! Eating is an emotional thing at times for me too, which is why of course I´m not going to be able to eat like a "normal" person until I have calmed that response down in my body.

One day I will look back on this "alone" part of my life and laugh. Until then, I think I´m going to try my best and find peace within my life or find something to do to create the peace in my life I truly want.
September 20, 2022 at 17:03
(Aries) GraceyT22 » rohini moon
Thank you for this poetic description of my energy. Very lovely. <3
September 20, 2022 at 17:09
(Aries) GraceyT22 » FOWL
Thank you for clarifying, to have a 7th House Capricorn Mars is to not know peace in a relationship, regardless of how much you try. I have high standards of myself and the people around me and it is only because I have been burned by people (and myself for allowing it to happen) in the past. I keep people at an arms length unless I know I can go to war with them by my side.

I love my partner dearly but there are things they cannot do for me and that is okay too. I have responsibility in this lifetime to find a balance of inner and outer influences to make my life better and I feel like finding that peace within is only going to make my partner less and less needed when I accomplish that. I feel like if I become complete, it will mean I truly do not need anyone for a damn thing... which is scary to think.
September 20, 2022 at 17:11
(Aries) GraceyT22 » Boyan
Thank you for this very powerful insight into my chart! I am experiencing all of those things that you speak of. Saturn on my DC while living on my Saturn line has been terrible. I feel so restricted and feel like nothing I do is ever good enough.

Pisces MC is my biggest blessing this lifetime. Much appreaciate <3
September 20, 2022 at 20:02
(Pisces) Tina95 » GraceyT22
I absolutely feel you. What really helped me was opening up. I remember being at my partners friends for dinner, but I was just so tense because of emotional stress, I really didn´t feel like eating at all.

What I would have done normally would be to force myself to eat or basically lie ("I am not hungry"). This time I was brutally honest and said: "I feel very stressed today and then I cannot really eat. Is it okay if I stick to drinking and eat later if I want to?"

These words were so hard for me, I was afraid of being misunderstood or pressured - but instead of my fears, a wonderful thing happened. They were accepting and supporting me so much, my stress actually went away and I enjoyed their dinner later.

Sometimes it is really about doing the things you are afraid of.

I am also kind of an overthinker and question myself, who I am, what I want etc. - but sometimes it is really just about to follow your gut feeling and act on it.

Remember, deep down you know who you are. :)

And also learn to say "No" if you haven´t already!! :D
September 20, 2022 at 23:56
(Leo) Sunnyshadow » stellium12
I like this 👍

Sounds so strangely familiar

I´ve grown to prefer my own company...most of the time
September 21, 2022 at 00:01
(Leo) Sunnyshadow » Boyan
This made me look at my 12th house rulers house placement. It´s in 10th, but right on the cusp of the 11th. I was suprised at the accuracy. Insightful and Interesting
September 21, 2022 at 09:01
(Taurus) Boyan » Sunnyshadow
Yes,young folks(:153:) in your bunch(stelium) in the 11th house are first to leave.Maybe not so loyal and especially cocky ones(Leo).
September 21, 2022 at 20:01
(Aquarius) AngieSh85
As someone who is mostly not well versed in astrology, I can relate to the strict parent part. I think our relationship with our parents do shape us for better or for worse. I will be 38 soon and like you my circle of friends is barely there, and like you I tend to see people as insincere. It could be it is not that you are projecting but just self preserving... All you can do is be the most authentic version of you around people and the rest will flow. Perhaps meeting people one on one is more comfortable for you as opposed to group settings. That´s just my two cents anyway. As an astrologer I hope I can ask you about a transit I´m having soon Saturn square Chiron and I am terribly anxious about that one since the last time it came around I was abused mentally by my mother and now I´m just irrationally afraid of what´s to come. I am single so I know this isn´t love related, or at least I tbink it´s not about romance since I´ve been single for a couple of years. Again I´m sorry I can´t read my own transits so well so I can´t gauge what this might be about. Your personal experience it you went through this transit would be much appreciated. Much appreciated and much love
September 22, 2022 at 14:28
(Aries) GraceyT22 » AngieSh85
Hi! Of course. Saturn square Chiron is amplifying what you are responsible for this lifetime to heal. I love your Chiron placement of 3° Gemini represented by "A Tea Party in The Garden Of Tuileries" in the Sabian Symbols. You have a weakness for needing to know when to relax and when to take action. You may feel like you are unable to rest and have a "tea party" so to speak with other ladies or unable to spend your time doing as you please. There are wounds from taking on way too much as a child and having Chiron in the opposing sign of your rising, Moon and Uranus can mean sudden changes and massive mental changes when it comes to your emotions, healing and spiritual journey.

I would stick to making a plan of action when it comes to your career/work life/daily routine or community service. You are becoming your own mother and with that transition comes the parenting yourself role, which is not always easy. Knowing your mother´s abuse is a reflection of her inner state is all you can do to hold space for her, since she is a destructive energy in your life. Best of luck and many well wishes your way <3
September 22, 2022 at 14:49
(Aquarius) AngieSh85 » GraceyT22
That was beautifully said, and actually very accurate. I cannot relax, and find it really hard sitting still. I don´t know if you give astrology courses but I would love to take courses from you. :79: :1:
September 26, 2022 at 15:45
(Aries) GraceyT22 » AngieSh85
This was such a kind response and what a compliment! I definitely give astrology lessons, by accident most of the time. I am teaching my first masterclass the weekend of Halloween and really look forward to it! :)
September 26, 2022 at 16:12
(Aquarius) AngieSh85 » GraceyT22
Oh I´m sorry, I have the memory of a goldfish. But I´d love to join. :79:
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