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I feel like I’m a walking contradiction - Discussions, questions
I feel like I’m a walking contradiction
May 28, 2019 at 02:04 (UT/GMT)

I feel like I’m a walking contradiction
It’s as if there’s multiple versions of me. When one part of me wants something, another part of me wants the reverse. There’s chronic tension inside of me causing a push and pull effect. I think my emotions don’t match my ego or the reverse?


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June 7, 2019 at 17:45

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To me it seems pretty obvious where it`s coming from. When you got clusters of planets on an axis opposing each other that`s what it creates. You swing from one to the other. It puts a lot of focus on 4th/10th houses, these are powerful areas of life. That unaspected Jupiter makes it difficult to gain context or perspective to your life experience. There is too much contrast going on in the chart and Gemini is a sign of contrast. You seem to have a rigid way of looking at things or you hold on to certain beliefs out of fear.

June 7, 2019 at 16:02


June 2, 2019 at 17:25

wishing well, kshantaram

June 2, 2019 at 05:31

advisory-banking-singing-cuisine aptitudes”
I agree with this
“sun-mer-venus gemini 3rd, impressive writings/drafting;
literary-oratory-musical-pharma/business analytics-information processing-admin aptitudes;”
I hate writing. I tend to think way too much. The result is that I know what to say but I have trouble putting it into words and can only write something good if I have a lot of time or I’m under extreme duress.
Business analytics is awful. There is so many people to report to. Too many rules and regulations. I just want to work and go home.
I don’t have respiratory issues. A test revealed i do have low igg levels that increases the productivity of respiratory diseases but I am not a smoker so I shouldn’t worry about that too much.
“rahu now heading towards moon cancer 4th trine mars-rahu pisces 12th for foreign lands;,
clouding mind/emotions; toxic circulatory-lung issues;
moon cancer sensitive-possessive; aptitude for psychology-teaching; popular;”
I am not possessive at all. I do notice I attract jealous and possessive women so I gave up the whole relationship thing several years ago. I’m not popular either.
I don’t think teaching is for me. I’m very impatient with others if they can’t understand something.
“sat sag 10th, aptitude for philosophy, law-justice, public admin”
I agree with philosophy and law but not public administration
sun-sat opp stress in career and health
I wouldn’t call it stress in career. I would say struggle with education is more like it.
“mars lord 8th over 12th, success amidst adversity”
Yes. I had a very difficult life but still managed to accomplish things. My willpower is too strong.

May 29, 2019 at 17:57

share salient feedbacks how true-insightful etc etc
asc and 9/10th lord lord jup taurus 2nd,
advisory-banking-singing-cuisine aptitudes;
prayers to saint of faith,
offer yellow flowers at the alter at home fri evenings;
wear yellow sapphire over silver pendant touching heart;
sun-mer-venus gemini 3rd, impressive writings/drafting;
literary-oratory-musical-pharma/business analytics-information processing-admin aptitudes;
sat sag 10th, aptitude for philosophy, law-justice, public admin,
rise-fall in career;
sun-sat opp stress in career and health; observe fast sat evenings;
jup now transit sat sag, career-employment opportunities;
sat-ketu separative SNode now 1.5yr transit cap 11th opp moon,
emotional stress; detachment from income-gains-friendships;
pain-injury-surgery arms-shoulders-ears-knees etc;
natal ketu virgo 6th, hyper-critical attitude,
good for audit-quality control roles;
accident prone, job separations, coping with opponents;
pain-injury-surgery hips-intestinal etc;
prayers to Christ, offer red flowers at the alter at home wed evenings;
mars-rahu NNode pisces 12th for foreign lands; rise-fall in life;
prayers for ancestors; observe fast No-moon evenings;
observe death anniversaries religiously; wear brown hessonite over pendant;
mars lord 8th over 12th, success amidst adversity;
rahu now heading towards moon cancer 4th trine mars-rahu pisces 12th for foreign lands;,
clouding mind/emotions; toxic circulatory-lung issues;
moon cancer sensitive-possessive; aptitude for psychology-teaching; popular;
do promptly ack, share ground feedbacks how insightful-useful true-untrue etc,
wishing well, kshantaram

May 29, 2019 at 14:26


May 29, 2019 at 02:42

You know, I think whole sign might be a bit better for me than Placidus. Mars in First House feels pretty accurate. I’m naturally assertive and direct. Jupiter in third means I acquire a lot of knowledge which is true. Sun, Mercury and Venus in the 4 is a bit tricky but I would say I really don’t go out that much. I’d rather make my own food than go to some restaurant any day of the week. I also like having my space at home and I’m somewhat busy there. Moon in Fifth seems okayish as I’m extremely playful by nature. I feel like I’m mentally a 50 year old with the heart of a 12 year old. North Node in First/South Node in Seventh seems more accurate than 12/6 because I believe in self sufficiency instead of submerging myself with others to help me. Pluto in the Ninth. I have a very fixated opinions, I like to investigate things, I have had bad experiences regarding higher education and felt censored there and I’m constantly trying to figure out the meaning in life.

May 29, 2019 at 02:10

All the major religions in the world have their root in direct, experiential knowledge of God, Divinity, reality, the truth, or whatever term you want to put to it.
This direct knowledge is attained through action and the awakening of consciousness, not through belief.
All the masters of the great religions connected to God directly, inside themselves, and taught their disciples how to do the same.
Unfortunately, over time, their teachings degenerated and were corrupted.
The result is the mainstream religion we have today.

May 29, 2019 at 01:30

I have a lot to say when it comes to ninth house matters.
Take education for example, there is so many changes I would make because the way it’s done in America is useless. A Master’s degree in America is the equivalent of a Bachelor’s degree in Europe because of these useless general education classes. Why not just have all those general educations classes be done in high school? We are having people take high school courses, which is pretty much anything “Intro to” in college. Not only that, but people have to take classes that have nothing to do with their major (no reason why someone should take an English research class for someone doing computer engineering for example). The current Master’s degree in America should actually be a Bachelors. It should be specialized where the only classes needed are the ones that relate to the major. The entire college education system needs to be destroyed and rebuilt. Vocational schools should also be discontinued because robots are doing manufacturing now.
I also think religion is quite honestly the worst thing that ever happened to existence. If people want to believe in a God that’s fine but religion as a concept is inherently wrong. It seeks to strip people of their identity and to conform to groups. It’s no different than dictatorship. Don’t get me started on religious groups asking for donations. I think it’s better if people to give money to an actual poor person rather than a religious organization. What has religion actually done in the world? There were so many conflicts throughout history that were caused by religion. The Byzantine Empire’s wars against the Muslims over Jerusalem, Hitlers attempt to genocide Jews, the civil war in my home country of Bosnia between Eastern Orthodox Christians and Muslims, the recent Buddhist attacks against Muslims in Asia. Let’s not forget that it also happened in America where Roman Catholics were discriminated against…

May 29, 2019 at 01:16

Still going by Placidus here:
Capricorn rules the 11th, so that in itself may represent some unease and feelings of restriction in group situations. Saturn also opposes alot of your personal planets (although some with very wide orbs) which could indicate unease in group situations or amongst the "collective" with Saturn as ruler of the 11th.

May 29, 2019 at 01:01

That MC/Saturn/Uranus and Sun/IC opposition stuff is still in effect in the same houses though, and I feel like that whole dynamic is the backbone of your chart, or at least the key to the "walking contradiction" stuff.

May 29, 2019 at 00:55

People seem rather intimidated by me. Here’s an example; last summer I applied for an assistant managerial job. The actual manager interviewed me for the position and was impressed by my answers to his questions, however, he felt threatened because I had more experience than he did for the same line of work. I think he felt I was going to overthrow him. Also, this guy at my last job. He was harassing me. I got up real close to him and told him to say something bad about me. He backed away and was quiet the rest of the day.
I don’t care for public recognition per se. What bothers me is if I stay extra past my work shift, nobody says “Thanks for staying extra” or something similar. I also don’t like it if I work hard but I’m not rewarded. I get bitter so I end up slacking off and doing the bare minimum.



May 29, 2019 at 00:15

It would be interesting to see a whole-sign drawing of your chart. Too many intercepted houses in Placidus.

May 29, 2019 at 00:09

Do you harbor resentment because of things like this? Resentment that you possibly express in your one-on-one dealings with people? (Pluto in 7th.)
"I don’t like the spotlight because it requires people to engage in small talk. I like talking about things that matter, world issues, things people choose to ignore because they are not comfortable subjects, revolutionary ideas. Talking about things like “What’s your favorite show” is boring."
I don´t consider that as being related to being in the spotlight. I´d consider it more having to do with your one-on-one relations with other people. People with Pluto in the 7th will often dislike trivial small talk, casual acqaintences, etc.
Maybe spotlight is not the right word. A more accurate term would be public recognition... or validation.
Do you desire either of those things?
I see things in your chart that say yes, and others that say no.
Sagittarius on the 10th doesn´t usually indicate someone who lives, or wants to live, in the shadows, and Jupiter in the 2nd may show that you value public recognition...and most likely the financial benefits that oftentimes go with it. (Regardless of whether any of this is correct or not, you probably stand to make your fair share of money through your career: Sag on 10th, Jupiter in 2nd, in Taurus.)
Saturn and Uranus on your MC may crystallize and electrify your desire for prestige and respect in the public eye, or at least in the realm of your career.
At the same time, your sun opposing your MC is pulling you to stay close to home... not necessarily your physical home, but where you feel comfortable, where you have your inner roots. It might be your family, but it might not.
Your sun, which represents your heart may be "opposed" (literally in this case) to the concepts of public image, career, etc.
On top of that, this whole duality is probably exacerbated by having your Sun in Gemini, which is a dual sign to begin with.
In fact, feeling like you´re a "walking contradiction" is probably due in large part to your Gemini sun, expressing a naturally dualistic energy, sitting right on your IC, the root of your entire chart.

May 28, 2019 at 23:00

I don’t like the spotlight because it requires people to engage in small talk. I like talking about things that matter, world issues, things people choose to ignore because they are not comfortable subjects, revolutionary ideas. Talking about things like “What’s your favorite show” is boring.

May 28, 2019 at 22:40

Sun opposite MC may indicate that you may not like the spotlight too much.
Oppositions are funny though. Although you may not enjoy the spotlight, part of you may want it. It would just be hard to get those two parts operating at the same time.

May 28, 2019 at 21:26


May 28, 2019 at 21:07

Pisces is the ASC, but Neptune is in the 10th house, taking some of the softness and service aspects away from Pisces, and making it a more achievement oriented, image conscious fish.
Do you ever employ deception or misdirection to achieve your goals, or bolster your public image?


May 28, 2019 at 20:45

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Yes, that´s a nice picture of it.
https://jovianarchive.com/Get_Your_…
Take this too.
https://www.mbtionline.com/

May 28, 2019 at 20:23


May 28, 2019 at 20:12

I work in sales. I’m planning to go to law school in a couple of years.
https://www.mybodygraph.com/free-bo…
Is this that human design thing? I’ve never heard of it.


May 28, 2019 at 18:52

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Usually we´re more like our Ascendant in our younger years, and evolve into our Sun Sign as we mature along with our Moon.
I would recommend he take that human design test, because like me I have three definition split, so it will show how he´s conflicted.


May 28, 2019 at 18:47

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Sweetie, I´m a Gemini sun and that doesn´t sound like me at all, and you claim to not be like that either... Maybe, just maybe, you have a flawed view of what our sun is about. I do too, but I´m educating myself, understand which traits come from my sun, which I lack (due to other placements dominating or clashing with my sun) I just recommend you do that as well.
You are more than your sun, hence why not all Geminis are exactly the same, why some meet the stereotypes quite well, while other barely relate at all. But you originally asked where your contradicting feeling comes from: your sun. Libras have the same issue, but you´re not a Libra.


May 28, 2019 at 16:36

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Do you have the right time, because Pisces/Virgo axis is service to others. Not that implies you are a servant, just that you work perhaps in environment such as technology, logistics, computers. Perhaps even medical or mental health.
Pisces can be working wit gas or oil as well, but in general Pisces tends to liberate others. Which is what you´ve implied, being independent with your Nodes. More about self, and teaching others to do the same.
Vertex in Virgo is just your divine appointments with Virgo´s, and correct they´re usually not happy with anything since they´re seeking out perfectionism in human nature, the world, and it just doesn´t exist.

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