My husband has issues!

November 23, 2021 at 21:41 (UT/GMT)
(Cancer) Anna L
My husband has issues!
Hi!
I don´t know how to start explaining the issue me and my husband have so i guess my wall of text will be a bit confusing, also my english is not good at the moment so i apologize before hand if this will be hard to understand!
My friend that´s in to astrology and tarrots and stuff like this adviced me to ask for help on a forum like this and i will explain why below!
Me and my husband live in Sweden with our two children, we´ve been married for 5 years now and upto a year ago we were happy and content with our lives. So the issue is with my husband, he has been very down and introverted for a while now. He seems sad, he´s not crying or anything but something has changed with him. When we met he was very caring and loving, he showered me with gifts and compliments. Made me feel like i was special. I truly felt loved wich is a wonderful feeling. I´ve been in other relationships before and felt loved but not like anything this. The same goes for our children, he loves them with his whole hearth och loves to play and snuggle with them.
But as i said something is wrong with him. He has begun to distant himself from us, he walks away and sit by himself in the house and listen to music or read books. It feels like whenever me or the children try to talk to him he feels upset and annoyed. He´s not yelling or raising his voice or calling us bad names etc, he just feels annoyed. We live by a lake in the woods and my husband love to sit in a chair by the water edge, somethimes for hours just thinking about things. He usually listen to some weird viking music band called Wardruna and other similar bands, he always tries to get me to listen to it but it sounds terrible in my ears.
A month or so ago we sat there together and talked when the kids where sleeping, and i brought the "issues" that i was having with him. The distancing, not taking enough responsibility in the house and the general feeling that something was wrong with him. At first my big fear was that he didn´t love me anymore and i told him this. He gave me a fucking strange answer something along the lines like:
" I love you, it´s just that i can´t focus anymore. I feel mentally worn out, like my body and mind is drawn out like a spagetti straw. I´m sorry if you feel like this and i dont mean to hurt you and the children but i´m not my self right now".
So to me this is a bullshit answer, what should i do with a answer like that? Give him more alone time? He´s not really helping me with the children that much anymore, he´s barely taking care of the house. The only thing he do like he used to is his work. Well i told him that i was not accepting that answer from him and that he needs to step up and take responsibility. He snaps at me and says:
"I have taken care of you and the kids, i pull all the financial burden. I Purschade this house and every furniture in it, i pay all the bills. Don´t tell me to step up, you are ungrateful and always ask me to do more even when i work hard as hell to keep us going."
Then he points his finger at me and tells me: " Don´t speak like this to me again " then he throws his chair in the lake and start walking towards the house and i can hear him cursing.
So the thing is, i was in a car accident a couple of years before we met and that left me with a whiplash injury. I´m always in pain and have had hard time working. I´m better now and im in the middle of studying and hopefully i can work more when im done with my studies.
It´s true that he bought us a house and all the furniture and i appriciate that a lot but i don´t feel like that´s an excuse to talk like that to me. So i started crying, i was really hurt by his words. He came back later and said that he was sorry, it was not his intention to hurt me.
Now i don´t want to give you guys the impression that he is some kind of abuser becuase he´s not. He rarely says mean things and he has never punched me or the children. When he get´s mad he just get quiet, most of the time.
So he pulls up a new chair since his old one is at the bottom of the lake by now lol and he says "well this sucks, i really liked that chair".
We start talking and he tries to explain himself. I´m going to try to remember his exact words;
" Have you ever had the felling that you are in the wrong place, wrong time? Everything feels off and i can´t shake the feeling that i´m not supposed to be here anymore. I´m between to places and that ´s why i like to be alone sometimes so i can explore a bit"
Now, my husband has always been a "thinker" i guess but not like this. What he said made me feel worried, what does he mean by "between two places"?
He probably se the huge question mark in my face and continue:
" You know, when i sit out here and listen to the lake and forest, feel the gentle breeze of the wind against my body i start to dream of all the stars above us. The Universe and all that is hidden from us, we have so much to learn and so little time do it. I start my dreams by picturing my self sitting here by the lake, then i start to zoom out and now im looking down on my self. I see the lake,the house,the forest. I zoom out even more and now i see our country, then the earth. next up is our solar system, the milky way. It´s beautiful. Then i see the universe and beyond. I want to be there, i want to float around and explore. Not just the universe but also behind the curtain of life. I´m so close sometimes to be able see through the thin vail and get some of the answers i feel that i need".
Now, i wouldn´t call my husband a smart guy. He´s bad at most things that requires technicall skills, he´s kind soul but not a smart guy but i love him for who he is. What he just said fucking shocked me, i´ve never heard him say anything like this. I asked him jokingly if he´s been smoking something. At first he seemed annoyed by my remark but then he smiled at me and said:
"I wish, this stuff is torturing me and i cant stop fantasize about it. It´s been on my mind a lot lately. Sometimes i zoom out during work and it´s dangerous because i dont know what´s going on around me and that could kill someone and i´m scared".
He´s a truckdriver and i guess that driving that big of a veichle is quite dangerous if he´s not in control.
Anyways i tell him that maybe he needs to see a psychologist or start going to church, maybe that can help him relax and snap out of it.
He responds again very annoyed:
"Anna (my name) i´m so far beyond any of that in my mind, god? give me a break, he´s not there. There´s something bigger out there that connects everything but it´s not a human made god or gods i can tell you that right now."
"Then what can i do to help you?" By now im tearing up because to me this is starting to sound like he´s gonna commit suicide and i really want to help him.
So he think´s for a good while and answer me back with something like this:
"you know, in my mind i´ve built movies in my head. I have been a captain in a huge space fleet, i have explored ancient tombs and caves full of wonders. I have been swimming in a deep ocean with strange glowing creatures, and now i have been a pulsating light exploring the universe of my mind. I have done it all, i have hit a wall that i can´t break through and that´s what tearing me down. I have no energy left in me, im tired and worn out."
So i get that he´s a guy with a lot of fantazies but to me this makes no sence to me, like wtf?So a week ago i had a small party for my friends and i end up telling my best friend about this conversation (the one that´s in to astrology) and she´s listening intensly. She asked about his birthdate and i told her that it´s february 22nd. She just nods and tells me that he´s a "fish", they are like that.
So i then i ask her what i can do to help him and she said taht maybe it´s better to ask on a forum with people that have more advice becuase she´s fairly new with the astrology stuff.
So here i am, asking for advice. This text took me serveral days to write up and i know im all over the place. I know that have written a huge wall of text here but i really need help so i can help my husband bounce back from this.
Thank you for reading this far!

/Anna :6:

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November 25, 2021 at 16:24
(Pisces) 11 » Anna L
That was just a silly thought, don´t need to include magic.

You do sound a little spoiled (but it´s nice and that´s exactly how it should be :61:)
You claim trying to help your husband. I bet you care. But this also sounds like a cry and pity for yourself.
So I´ll try to encourage you. Don´t neglect yourself, take care of your health! It´s not only your husband having Neptune conj NN, it´s also conj your Mars, which could bring weakness and infections.

He could be having some crazy thoughts also due to Uranus square Mercury transit. It will pass.

I see you having tight Saturn conj his Mars in synastry. You restrict his impulsiveness, but now when he´s having that Uranus transit, he could rebel a bit with his unusual ideas, feeling tired of your nagging, truly. Your fixed Moons clash also, which doesn´t help.
Maybe try to focus on Venus themes (what brings you both pleasure and happiness).

It sucks when both partners are having rough time simultaneously (u both also having Uranus opp Pluto). I guess it´s the ultimate test of relationships. How far can you sacrifice and is it worth it. Hopefully it won´t be that bad, just short term misunderstanding.
November 25, 2021 at 15:39
(Cancer) Anna L » 11
I can´t think of any item like The one you describe, that can´t be it. Thanks for The tip anyways☺️
November 24, 2021 at 22:30
(Pisces) 11
Idk if this will have any use, I’m not even sure if I believe in it.

But few days ago I watched a witchcraft show, episode about family, who had lots of arguments and son was having bad thoughts and desire to leave this earth.
Turned out he had a mirror in his room (object they took from old house that was “cursed”, cause a murder happened in front of that mirror). So witch told that the mirror is like a portal between two worlds so the man having that mirror in room is constantly influenced by that portal and energy it sucked in.

Maybe you have some object or he has some object along with him, that distracts his attention. And should get rid of it.
November 24, 2021 at 22:18
(Taurus) Iceblu333 » Anna L
You Hope he is happy...?

***

Instead of asking him "via communication" for his Birth information... you asked his mother...

Instead of "knowing" that he is happy "via communication" you simply hope for the best that he´s happy...

Ok....

***

He doesn´t seem to be the issue...

It seems like the issue is you and your ability to communicate or even handle the thought that he differs from you in some beliefs;

I just have one last question... and I´m going back to watching a movie...

What really do you bring to the table for him and What would you bring to the table for any other man if this man left you...

Can another woman easily bring that to the table and more for your Husband?

And fulfill a possible hole that he may be missing from his life?
November 24, 2021 at 22:00
(Cancer) Anna L » Iceblu333
Look i know that im lucky to have i guy like him, i also know that im kinda egoistic and self-centered. I will work on that.

I hope he is happy otherwise he should really tell me.

I just want to help him out!
November 24, 2021 at 21:56
(Cancer) Anna L » AmberMoon
Yeah i know im not a great listener, it´s just that it´s hard for me to grasp what he is talking about and even harder to understand it. I wasn´t trying to shoot him down or make him feel smaller. I´m not used to talk about the things he talks about so i have no idea how to respond to him.

I can handle the kids an life in general just fine but i feel that he is closed off to us at times and that bothers me. I know he work hard for us and i really appricate it i just suck at showing it i guess. Looks like i have some work to do on my self and try to reduce my ego and self interests!

I´m just worried that his "dreams" and "fantasies" is consuming him for a lack of a better word! I don´t mind him taking time for himself. I´m just worried that he´s gonna end up in pain and maybe even dead. I don´t like that he´s thinking about death the way he do, it just seem dangerous. He told me when we met that his dad commited suicide when he was 14 and some friends and other family also died early on.

His way of thinking is scary to me, i don´t understand why he think like he do but i love him and want to help him find peace and i will try to give him more space!

Thank you for the reply!
November 24, 2021 at 21:15
(Leo) Seanfhear » Anna L
Check your inbox
November 24, 2021 at 20:54
(Taurus) Iceblu333 » Anna L
Ok...

You do know how many women would love to be in your position, right?

But regardless... since it doesn´t matter anyway...

Besides the fact that he really is sacrificing alot for you and the family.

Honestly he doesn´t HAVE to do anything. He could just leave... there would be consequences but If I were him my sanity and knowledge of having peace when I come home would definitely be worth more than dealing with a wife nagging me, kids nagging me and a life/Job that is forcing me to work during a pandemic to provide for a life that is not peaceful.

Yes, I would love you, and the kids and the beautiful lake house in the woods... but I would prefer my peace more.

Just something to think about.

***

The real question is... is HE HAPPY...

Being that YOU want this life, YOU have the role to MAKE SURE THAT HE IS HAPPY NOT JUST YOU AND HIM SACRIFICING JUST FOR YOU.

EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

Even though he loves you. And the kids. And the life you currently have.

If I was not happy I would be gone, sorry.

But im single and would NEVER SACRIFICE My time and life for someone like he is doing for you.

50/50

Not 90/10. I´m just saying.

And any other women out there would snatch him up in a heartbeat.

And say fuck your family. And give him the time of his life.


But im done. Do what you want to do...
November 24, 2021 at 20:42
(Gemini) AmberMoon
Hello Anna,

I read your story.

What your husband told you and what you perceived as BS felt very genuine to me.

I can imagine his disappointment in the event that you should have told him that to his face.

I felt that while he was laying bare his soul, you seemed more worried about chores instead. But I could be wrong; just going by my interpretation of a text-based account.

And yes I know, from experience, this is very important, equal distribution of tasks and responsibilities, etc... Especially with children, the periods where you are on your own for a while, they are least pleasant, but sometimes also necessary... For that one time a man will do that:
I mean, this is what women complain about: why men don´t open up more.

But of course, taking care of finances should not be used in arguments like that. It´s humiliating, and we all deserve to keep our dignity, so it´s a good thing he apologised afterwards.

In fact, a lot of the things your husband said about being here and elsewhere at the same time, resonate with me.

If he´s a Pisces then his ruling planets are Neptune and Jupiter.
I have Neptune near my ascendant and Jupiter rules my ascendant.

I can tell you that existence for me feels very foggy, I don´t need drugs to get there. I can look at my shadow, hands, feet during the day and continuously think: is this really me? What am I doing here?
I´m still not used to it.

The dream world, as unruly as it is, actually feels more like home than earthly being.

And so it costs a lot of energy to participate in structures that for other people seem routine.

And because so much energy has to go to these things day in day out, in the end there´s little left for the things that really require energy. And unfortunately those are the things people will quickly notice you lacking in most.

So, if no one around, esp. closest, shows some feeling of understanding this can add to fatigue or a sense of loss of direction.

Not to say one should wallow in the mists, but support is definitely appreciated and needed.

Good luck to the both of you at any rate!
November 24, 2021 at 20:42
(Cancer) Anna L » Iceblu333
I don´t at the moment, i´m currently studying.Hopefully i will start working next fall. I have a small income from some benefits related to my studies!

He provides about 90% of our income!
November 24, 2021 at 20:40
(Cancer) Anna L » Seanfhear
Kalmar :1:
November 24, 2021 at 20:21
(Leo) Seanfhear » Anna L
can you be specific with the town/city name?
November 24, 2021 at 20:20
(Taurus) Iceblu333 » Anna L
Do you work? Or does he provide all of the financial support?
November 24, 2021 at 20:15
(Cancer) Anna L » Iceblu333
I´m trying really hard to understand him, i really do!

Sure a lot of the fun is gone, children tend to do that. At the same time the children give us a lot of laughs and activity´s. He is not the adventurous type anyways.

I will try to give him space and let him figure things out, but at the same time i need help with the daily´s.
November 24, 2021 at 20:10
(Cancer) Anna L » Seanfhear
So his full date of birth is 1988 Februari 22nd 02.35 in southern sweden!

Thanks!
November 24, 2021 at 18:45
(Pisces) 11
She asked about his birthdate and i told her that it´s february 22nd. She just nods and tells me that he´s a "fish", they are like that.


:61:

It’s true. I’m not man, I don’t have wife, kids or responsibilities, but now (with Neptune transit) I feel similar as your husband. :23: plus the crisis that goes on, I think maybe it affects frequency of whole world.. even if you live in forest away from all the madness , you still feel a bit down and worse than usual.
November 24, 2021 at 18:42
(Virgo) Aren Levi
Sorry for my english
Many reasons why he is behaving like that

- tired, exhausted ( should use of vacation )

- some age crisis ( knowing he is not gonna be younger and all he did in his life is family with no higher legacy )

- maybe hormone problems ? ( testosterone, need of working out )

- any sexual issues ?

- maybe he thinks you are cheating on him ?

- maybe trouble at work ? not feeling as succesful

I would bet on that age crisis - he just getting older and he relaize that
November 24, 2021 at 18:33
(Taurus) Iceblu333
The Astrology...


You have been married for 5 years? Are your children 1 and 2?

5 years is not a drastically long time, Uranus changes signs every 7 years and with that things can drastically change every 7 years.

Saturn also tests people as it changes signs every 3 years... but I digress...

***

Currently, you have some [] transits that are hitting. But I don´t know the exact times of the aspects due to you not having your birth time posted.

Transits Such as;

Transit Pluto conjunct Natal Moon

Transit Rahu conjunct Natal Jupiter as Uranus transits the same sign as the Natal Jupiter.

Transit Neptune Conjunct Natal Rahu

And lastly, you are going through Sade Sati with Saturn conjunct the Natal Moon.

Those are some interesting transits...
November 24, 2021 at 18:22
(Taurus) Iceblu333
Um... Hi...

Well... take this with the fact that I´m single... and selfish and most of the times a jerk...

***

He told you what was wrong. You didn´t listen; It seems like he tried to fix it as well by trying to find common ground... showing you his favorite music ect.

To me it seems like the fun is gone from the relationship. He´s not having fun anymore. And just wants some space to figure out what to do about it to make it better. It maybe also that he doesn´t even know what the problem is exactly... but it is just that... no fun... he´s in autopilot and just wants a break from it all... working, kids, wife... he just wants to stop... people get tired... they do. Isolating him or trying to push him will only make the distance between both of you worse because he feels like you don´t understand him...

But by what you´re saying... you seem to now have different wants...

He cares about you but also wants to have his space because you or kids is not fulfilling one or a few of his needs... and honestly that´s a normal feeling. Taking care of a family is alot.

If you the wife is not working and he is the only one working. I wouldn´t say shit, sorry. There are women who would love to be in that position in life. But you do you... you both got together due to your personalities anyway. He had to like something about you....

It could be that he wants space to think... what is wrong with him [no fun, loss of passion, feeling of not progressing in life, is this all that he´s working for?]

It could be that he wants someone to understand him better [without coming to some random unintended conclusion besides what he means]

***

Honestly this is why successful men cheat... not being understood... not being able to have fun when home [home should be a place of peace, not work. I dont care what you think its supposed to be]

But what ever...
November 24, 2021 at 18:13
(Cancer) Anna L » RohiniMoon
yes he did, why?
November 24, 2021 at 17:55
(Virgo) RohiniMoon
I ask this in sincerity and high curiosity: did he take the vaccine?
November 24, 2021 at 17:42
(Leo) Seanfhear » Anna L
Good luck (don´t forget to ask about the time, as precise as possible).

If you don´t like to post it here, you can send it to me in private.
November 24, 2021 at 17:36
(Cancer) Anna L » Seanfhear
Hi!

Thank you for responding!

I can be a bit harsh and critical to him at Times and maybe that´s a part of it. I also know that his work mates like to mess around whit him..

I´m gonna talk to his Mother and see IF I can get more information on his birth Times. Hes born in The South of sweden in a region called Småland!
November 24, 2021 at 17:12
(Leo) Seanfhear
Well, maybe i can´t help much but I have to say some of what you´ve mentioned about him, clicks with me. From my side, I will tell you what makes ME feel disconnected from the people around me (even those I care for and love), but bear in mind please that, well, I´m single and things might be different for people in relationships and marriages. So, my reasons might be any of:

1. Being unappreciated.
2. Having so much expectations from others and the world (it´s wrong but, it´s hard).
3. Maladaptive Daydreaming (it´s debated if it is a real issue or just symptom, but it´s there).
4. Having ambitions beyond the limits (of the body and capabilities).
5. Sometimes, Retinitis Pigmentosa (a genetic disease of the eye which I have) plays a role in my depression cycle.
6. Not feeling understood (even for the simplest things) by those close to me.
7. Being worn out by caring so much and not seeing anything in return (this is connected to #1 really) - Even though some people say if you love, you would give out of yourself for love´s sake without assumptions of having anything in return. I´m not asking for anything in return in my case, but some appreciation at least.
8. In my family and at home, I get opposed a lot. So most of the time, I keep things to myself and I stopped participating in anything related to the problems of the people of the house.
9. Getting older and failing in relationships (but of course this is for me as I´m single).
__________

Now, I don´t know where your husband stands, and probably in all of that mentioned above do not apply to him. But maybe something clicks with you.

Do you have his exact time of birth and location? I´m interested in checking his 6H, 8H and 12H.


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