Why do I have paradoxical feelings regarding my public image ?

September 19, 2021 at 16:57 (UT/GMT)
(Virgo) Etherealmind
Why do I have paradoxical feelings regarding my public image ?
I´m gonna have to make a speech in front of a public soon to introduce a work I´ve done.

Idk why but since recently I realize that I don´t like to be noticed publicly, I mean among a mass or like "there´s a light on you". It´s smth I don´t like. I also don´t like when people take pics of me even if there´s anything wrong.

Ofc, I like to be congratulated for my work and what I do so I kinda like this feeling when you´re gonna talk in front of a public and above all SHOW what you did but at the same time I want to stay in the shadow for now. I don´t know why cause there are no practical/clear reasons for these inner feelings it´s smth very deep/uncouncious ... almost coming from my gut lol.

It´s not even about stress on stage it´s more about "I don´t want to be noticed / I wanna stay in the shadow for now". I´ll go making my speech but I don´t like the idea so much. Sometimes I want to be seen sometimes not sometimes half lol way too unstable.

Is it because of my Sun square Pluto 0 ASC ? Or smth else in my chart ?

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September 28, 2021 at 19:38
(Virgo) Astrooo » Etherealmind
Interesting Question regarding to your birth chart,

1a / The 3 Houses of the "Secret" = 4/8/12

1b / You have tools on H8/H12 + Masters of H4 in H12 (Mars / Pluto)

1a + 1b = you have tools to be secret (consciously or unconsciously)

2 / Pluto almost ASC (But H12 nevertheless = you are connected with astral World) = you will escape Pluto by going towards H6 / H7.
H7 = Gemeaux = Communications "with no other objective than to experience the pleasure of discussing".
= Your relationship with the Other is more in the pleasure of the exchange than in the construction.

PS: H6 : Taurus ( Cf H2, natural House of Taurus, where you have Stellium)

3 / To "build the relation", you will slide towards your Sun H9, House of your Master of ascendant Jupiter in H5 ("natural" House of the Sun Leo) + Master of H6 (House of "labour" in your natal chart: Venus H8.

Attention point: Venus Leo retrogade H8 = Be careful not to fall victim to the natural magnetism of a Venus Leo H8
= Exaggerations in the instinct of possession/depossession (material, sexual)

One of the challenges of your theme is to escape a specialization (whatever the subject) and to open up to the different facets of the field that you want to invest.

For that, Life will ask you to learn to build / deconstruct.

Otherwise, the risk for you will be to sclerose yourself in your comfort zone (specially for Virgo Sun who love to live below its potentials) and finally to "die" for fear of the regenerative Death, that of Pluto.

But with Black Pluto-Moon conjunct to the ascendant, you will learn to "die" (= evolve / metamorphose in the sense of the 8th House, that of Scorpio and hystolise) to gradually reveal your pearl of light (which everyone has in themselves).

At the end, i remember this sentence:

"You are like a God and you were begotten for more transformations than those of the Gods and with a more perfect created form"

Egyptian book of the dead - chapter CLXX
September 26, 2021 at 10:14
(Virgo) Etherealmind
I´d like to give you guys a little feedback about the 2 days of public speeches haha.

Well, it was actually pretty good. I was not really stressed/anxious on stage cause I had prepared my text on a sheet of paper so I had smth to "guide" me and not get lost in my speech so everything was okay on stage :):) I dared to do it even more easily than the organizer of the event who hadn´t prepared his speech so well :61: :61:

After my speech I could
talk to lots of people so I was sometimes very talkative and funny/interesting but I was also sometimes more observing people from a discreet spot.

I´m sociable/talkative and like having fun but I´m also sometimes looking for more discreet atmosphere and having deeper conversations.
September 25, 2021 at 16:57
(Gemini) AmberMoon » Etherealmind
Yes, do that. Face the stage.

The biggest spotlight is the sun.
Your image is the Asc.
And there is a square between them.

I have it in opposition. Things improved when I stopped running.
September 25, 2021 at 13:23
(Libra) Veri935 » Etherealmind
Ok, well if you follow the newest method of reading astrology charts you do have two personal planets in the 8th which would be more than enough to have a conflicted self image/feeling of dissonance with communication. That’s some Intense energy to deal with. With these placements I’d say that even more keenly you would feel the need to isolate yourself from society, feel conflicted whenever you are being social

Not that this has to remain like this forever

I had just thought that maybe having 3rd and 10th house placements would explain your alternate desire to communicate
September 20, 2021 at 12:14
(Virgo) Etherealmind » Veri935
"So your drive is with Mars in the 12th but then your mind and ego are socially oriented."

Hmmmmm it may be yes. I feel like there must be smth about scorpio energies in my chart (8th house, pluto, mars, scorpio) and how they create aspects with my others planets.

I hadn´t had this feeling since a long time but I think it´s still something being part of me. It just appears more at some moments in my life.

Other than that I relate more to placidus house system :):)
September 20, 2021 at 10:46
(Libra) Veri935
Yeah I get this too much :43: :61: I have Venus in my 12th using whole signs, and my sun, moon and mercury in the 11th. So confusing. I do really like people but also need a lot of me time, maybe unusual amounts, I don’t know.. though I’d say that I’m a extrovert

I think that you could have a very similar situation to mine, first your a Sag asc too and also you have social air with Aqua, but then also you have Mars in the 12th and using whole signs three planets inc your moon in the third and your sun in the 10th. So your drive is with Mars in the 12th but then your mind and ego are socially oriented
September 20, 2021 at 05:29
(Aquarius) Catch-22 » Etherealmind
So we agree it´s your own self perception?

That´s the good news, because you can´t change the people that will listen to your speech, but you can change yourself.
September 19, 2021 at 21:46
(Capricorn) Emanuel
Maybe unconscious low self esteem (like me)?

Or maybe you want to be in the shadow because unconsciously you think that people "wouldnt get it", that people are superficial and cant understand you (like Arthur in the Joker movie). The Brilliant Outsider Aquarius Syndrome?
September 19, 2021 at 20:47
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Etherealmind
System message: Post has been written by user Seanfhear, who already deleted profile on this website:
Many astrologers I follow get perplexed about Pluto. Anyway, I would put it aside for the time being and focus on Saturn, Rahu, Ketu, and probably the Moon as well.
September 19, 2021 at 20:39
(Virgo) Etherealmind » Catch-22
Nobody laughed at me after a public speech. Never :61: :61:

There must be smth with :160: I´m pretty sure and maybe :163: too but I´m not so sure about it compared to Pluto. I see :163: more as my soul desires not deep complex thoughts regarding my pluto lol.
September 19, 2021 at 20:22
(Aquarius) Catch-22
All is projection.

Unless some crowd laughed at you after a public speech it´s all in your mind. :163: ASC looks pretty good explanation to me.
September 19, 2021 at 20:21
(Virgo) Etherealmind » Seanfhear
Well, I feel like life is kinda forcing me to face my desires, objectives and fears at the same time. I´ll face them even if I don´t like the idea so much lol.

Do you think it´s because of my Virgo Sun square Sagittarius ASC-Pluto ?

My ASC-PL is also trine my Leo NN ...
September 19, 2021 at 20:07
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Etherealmind
System message: Post has been written by user Seanfhear, who already deleted profile on this website:
in that case then I guess the focus should be on your natal chart away from the transits - see and study 1H, 7H, 10H and 11H (hehe I would maybe add 3H since it´s communication).
September 19, 2021 at 19:55
(Virgo) Etherealmind » Seanfhear
Do you always feel like that? or it´s just this event?

NOT ALWAYS but it´s OFTEN a dilemma within me so I feel like it´s more smth part of my personality than current transits.
September 19, 2021 at 19:46
(Virgo) Etherealmind » ram_goat
I don´t feel like my Uranus 180 NN may be the problem cause it´s not really about not wanting to make the speech it´s just a bit unstable/complex for me to know which side I want. Showing what I do (so public) or staying behind the curtains and on this dilemma I can recognize maybe a bit my Aqua-Leo lunar nodes, indeed.
September 19, 2021 at 19:37
(Virgo) Etherealmind » Jaided
I think there must be a lot about these aspects yes. Besides, Pluto gives a slight paranoid side lol.

Thank you for confirming my impressions :):) always interesting to have a 2nd opinion!!
September 19, 2021 at 17:42
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com
System message: Post has been written by user Seanfhear, who already deleted profile on this website:
Do you always feel like that? or it´s just this event?
Honestly, I checked the transits chart for you (Whole Sign system) and I couldn´t figure out anything EXCEPT for one thing but I´m really doubtful about it and this is Venus in your 12th house in Scorpio.

Venus in a female´s natal chart, unlike male´s chart, reflects one side of the nature of the female herself. Thus, if we take this concept up to the transits, it might as well suggest a desire to be hidden (scorpio/12H).

As I´m typing this, I´ve also checked your 8th house, in cancer which is ruled by the moon and the moon is also representative for the mind and mood, and it is in your 4th house, the house of, well, house! Your 4th house is also in pisces, the sign of imagination and endings; I feel like your moon (mind) is numb in some way at the moment and this would take place for 1 or 2 days till the moon leaves pisces maybe.

Do you think any of that clicks with what you´re thinking?
September 19, 2021 at 17:30
(Aries) ram_goat
A common problem with NN Leo.

Another famous NN Leo person who had a similar problem: Princess Diana

Also, particularly apropos for your personality:

Opposition - Node Opposition Uranus (2°15’, Separating)

The negative side of this aspect is that these people want to live the way they like and according to their own rules. They feel a constant painful gap between their need for independence and freedom and the challenges they face in their lives. It is very difficult for them to concentrate on what is really important.

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