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Nov 19, 2020 - 11:50
Sun Sign - Aquariusfletw00dmac » Sofiatee
Hi, I think I have similar energy in my chart. You should check my topic about Strange Saturn
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Nov 18, 2020 - 13:58
Sun Sign - AriesJayJayAstrology » Sofiatee
Wow! This is one of the best questions I´ve ever read on a forum. You are truly an amazing young woman. Yes, grand squares can indeed be challenging, but not impossible. Let me look at your chart.

Your past life wound South Node and North Node remedy is in your Grand Cross. Neptune and Uranus conjunct the South Node in the 5th (Leo´s natural house) and your Sun is conjunct North Node in Leo. So you´ve got Leo qualities on both sides. That tells me, that the wound has something to do with your self-identity - who you think you are - and the remedy is all about evolving this sense of self.

The SN/Neptune/Uranus is in Aquarius - and this suggests that you were a bit of an outsider in the past life. You didn´t fit in. And, its also possible that you were outright rejected or shunned by your culture. Whatever happened then was traumatic. Uranus conjunct SN indicates a trauma - and Neptune would add to the idea of being isolated and unable to process this. Certainly if you were shunned, you were not given an opportunity to resolve the misunderstanding or difficulty.

At any rate, the wound is to your sense of self-worth, esteem, and ability to successfully express yourself in the world. This explains the self-repression you feel. On the other hand, when people are forced into isolation, they often turn to spirit for nourishment and with Neptune also on the South Node, I bet you did just that. The result is that you have developed your spiritual self and have brought this wisdom forward. And yes, you want to express yourself in the world - as we all do. So, there is great desire to do so. You no doubt feel a need to rectify the judgement lodged against you.

Virgo rising is often the ASC of scapegoats. Virgo rising wants nothing better than to be helpful to others. It is selfless in many ways. With Mercury ruler of Virgo, Mercury is the ruler of your entire chart. It is in Cancer - which is all about understanding and compassion and the desire to nurture others. Your Moon is also in Cancer - so you are very feeling-oriented - and care greatly about others. With Sun in Leo - you need an audience - you need to shine and express and BE seen and heard. On the cusp of the 12th house - you do want to pour out your spiritual heart and soul.

Mars is the Doing Planet. You are doing Scorpio in the 2nd house - investigating your own internal nature - your deep unconscious self - your emotions - your psychology - and you´re learning about yourself - just as you described.

Saturn in Taurus is in the 8th house with Jupiter. The 8th house is more about self-investigation for transformation. These planets are disposited by Venus in 12th - so - again, you evolve spiritually. Taurus being an earth sign, will work hard at things - but it actually likes to keep things simple and isn´t entirely comfortable with the complicated, messy and often depressing 8th house. So there is the desire to have things go much easier, even when they feel so complicated - which provides a some friction inn your process. This could be a very important point.

Now let´s look at that Grand Square. You´ve got the nodal axis in Leo-Aquarius - with the wound to your self-identity (Leo-Sun) - possibly guilt for not being good enough, but definitely a sense of feeling judged and rejected, leaving you feeling you have something to prove. You want redemption - to be redeemed and to feel restored as being seen as loving and good. A part of you wants to escape into the spiritual realm and part of you wants to be seen and heard and redeemed. Plus, you really really really care about others and want a real life - being a real person - in the social world.

Then you´ve got Mars in Scorpio, 2nd opposing Saturn, Taurus, 8th. Here you are mandated to go deep within yourself and explore the emotions and unconscious "stuff" in order to free yourself from the feelings caused by the past experiences. This is necessary, but in a way, you resent having to do it. You´ve suffered enough and you want this whole thing to resolve more easily and quickly than it wants to. You´re willing to do the work - and have - but when will this resolve? you ask.

The thing is - you have the grand square because you need to keep at it. It´s not going to be an easy fix. So, in a way, you need to relax and allow this process to continue for as long as it needs to - without you deciding when it´s done. Of course, it´s uncomfortable, but it will be more comfortable if you let go into the process with acceptance. The squares keep you at it. In the long run, it´s a good thing.

When we accept our processes - it does become easier. You will want to care about others, help them, pour your heart out - and you will feel cut off and isolated - because this is the reality of how you feel. But, knowing this gives you some power to modulate these two poles. You can work at minimizing your desire to be redeemed by redeeming yourself as you analyze and understand yourself. The redeeming process is not actually going to happen with other people. It´s going to happen with your self-understanding. Knowing that may help you not be so needing of others to relate to you a certain way. You will not prove your goodness or value through relationships either. It´s wholly an internal process - and - so, you need to give weight to it.

So, knowing that, you can still be a Leo and shine in the world - as you share yourself and express yourself - but stop expecting this to bring you the redemption you hope for. That will help you modulate that pole. Focus on your enjoyment of being a Leo - of shining - of expressing - of being creative. Just enjoy the playfulness of it - without the expectation that you will feel redeemed and worthy. In the end analysis - you have nothing to prove at all - because you are a human being - you have value - you have love and caring in your heart - and feelings of being judged and unworthy are only lingering feelings that no longer truly apply to you. And when you can understand this deeply, you will be redeemed when you stop feeling those feelings.

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My website: http://thesoulmustsing.weebly.com - I do astrology readings, dream interpretation, an mind-body healing by donation and workshops at reasonable rates.
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