Depression and inability to express one´s feelings

October 2, 2019 at 11:32 (UT/GMT)
(Cancer) Nole
Depression and inability to express one´s feelings
As my chiron denotes my eternal unhealed wound is my broken childhood and the lack of a warming family. It´s been years now and I still can´t cope with it, actually its getting worse during my 30´s. Can someone help me to read me out of this?

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May 25, 2020 at 18:36
(Taurus) Iceblu333
He talks about his depression.


https://youtu.be/HDnD8qIIZfw
YouTube
YouTube
October 21, 2019 at 21:20
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Nole
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
"So sorry. That was me having a break down just now."

I totally understand, and that´s quite all right, ??.

"Thanks for your reply ill try to make a good use of your insights. All of them were accurate."

Thanks! Most kind, :-).

"Now I´m saving to travel to the town where my mom was born so I can research for her time of birth. That´s the obsession that doesn´t let me get out of my depression. I need to know as much as I can about her."

Now, THAT´S the attitude, yes!! :-)))))

"She was born in 8/8/1954 at Milagros, La rioja, Argentina but I don´t know the time. And her only remain sibling can´t tell."

You WILL find the information you need; I guarantee you that. And I´ll have you and her in my prayers. This participation of yours in Astroseek, is but the first instance of "Synchronicity"; but there will be many, many more. I feel it in my bones, :-). Never give up; never surrender. Faith will always get you there, :-))
October 21, 2019 at 21:05
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Nole
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
"Hi Peter! You don´t know how much I appreciate you took the time and the effort to read my chart."

It is always my pleasure, :-).

"I find comfort in your analysis because it is so relatable to my experience,and it means that my struggle has a source and it is not just me being a cry baby, incapable or ungrateful in some way."

I totally understand.

"You said, ´Within the nature of your own wounds lies the solution´. Yesterday I was learning about interplanetary aspects and something relatable stuck in my mind. Those non harmonious ones are there as a challenge to improve our latent gifts and evolve from comfort zone."

Yes, that´s their purpose; to get us to evolve spiritually.

"The pain is real but we have the choice to be a victim and remain undeveloped or to embrace our sorrows and make them our teachers."

Indeed! As Buddha said, "Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice".

"I believe in what you said about demons, and that life its a non black or white proposition. Demons became from unloved angels."

Yes, all true.

"My mom had her own demons and I wish with my whole soul I could know them. Travel to where she is hug her and said it is ok, I love you no matter what. I forgive you. But sometimes a mean inner voice says she doesnt want your hug or forgiveness. She doesnt even love you; she´s disgust by you. And that´s my demon."

I can understand the mechanism of that.

"It doesnt let my enjoy life and it is only quiet when I am stoned or drunk."

I hear you; and I am really sorry.

We humans, build our own "cells" that keep us trapped in a painful or unfulfilling existence. And the "anatomy" of that "cell" - what those cells are made of - is unwillingness to let go and forgive.

I made a LOT of mistakes as a father when my daughter was younger (she is an adolescent now). Sometimes I wish that I could build a time machine to go back in time to correct EACH one of them. Unfortunately, I don´t have that power, and even if I did, do I really have the right to change her future/past without her own choosing? To probably erase all the good memories she did had? (with me and/or with all the people she has ever interacted with).

She is very bitter with me now, and don´t even want to know anything about me, and I don´t blame her at all. But there isn´t a single day that goes by that I don´t wish to go back in time to make things right. And I am constantly in pain, but not because she is distant and away from me; not because she is bitter with me. My pain comes from KNOWING with 100% certainty that unless she find it in her heart to forgive me, she will not find happiness in her life; and THAT´S what I am really worried about.

I don´t necessarily want her forgiveness (actually, I don´t), and I could find a way to live without her love - as painful as that may be, which it is. But I can NOT live with her unhappiness; that, I can not, and will not, do. I will move any mountains that I may need to move; I´ll sell my own soul to the "Devil" for him to do with it whatever he wishes to; I´ll live an entire existence in deep pain; but I´ll not rest until I am 100% CERTAIN that my daughter is happy, totally healed, and with a fulfilling life.

If I could fill the entire universe with the smallest of the particles, and if each one of those particles was a "particle of love", the sum of all of them would not be enough to describe how much I love her (I used to tell her that). We parents - most of us, at least - feel this way about our kids, even if we can´t show it due to our particular psychological issues; even if our own "Demons" get in the way of being able to show it.

"I spent my teenage years with drug issues. I became an addict without nobody there to noticed. I made a lot of bad decisions and I exposed myself to danger. It was awful but it could had been a lot worse"

I am really sorry about that, :-((.

"I was lost and isolated, I longed to see her in my hallucination. She was never there nor even in my dreams. She has never appeared yet.I believe she was ashamed to even visit me.I know dreams or hallucinations are projections of my own mind. How can I pictured her if I don´t even know her at all.I tried to obtain her birthday time to make her natal chart. But nobody knows. She is the blank spot that obsessed me."

Find those good memories - which I am sure exist, even if they are not that many - and hold on to that.

"I wanted to write a silver lightning message due you are trying to help me. I really meant to. But it flowed to more darker zones."

I totally understand; not need to explain, :-).

"Any way we said the nature of wounds would help to find the solution. I´ll try to forgive them I try it every day with my father but I miserably fail every day. He loves me and he is kind to me but he get to my nerves and I can´t stand his presence. I resent him for not taking care of my emotional or psychological grow. He thought bringing money to the house was enough and it wasn´t."

I understand.

"I can not say him that I love him, I can not even hug him. Its like a physical impairment. I just can´t. Even when I know he got his heart broken and he struggled to keep getting up from his bed. He is a depressed men and I have inherited his sadness and speechless social awkwardness.Everything I hate from myself I see in him. He is uneducated and never wanted to buy the books I wanted as a kid because he considered it a waste of money."

We parents can make many mistakes out of our own ignorance.

"That´s him in a nutshell for me. The man who didnt want to buy me the book I wanted to escape and be absorbed. What a future I could have had. So fucking alone and isolated. Now I can´t get rid of this feeling of better off alone. I can´t stand myself within people. Hard to explain."

No need to explain; I totally get you.

I could give you all the tools needed to heal yourself; I could pass on to you all my knowledge about spirituality, Faith, and Hope; but until you yourself decide to change, to heal, nothing would ever work for you.

In life there are but two choices; to live or not live. Those are the only choices we have. Notice that I didn´t say, "To exist"; because from that, we will NEVER ever be able to escape. You kill yourself and I GUARANTEE you that you will come back in another body, and facing the same - or even worse - situations. Of course, I am not implying that that´s your purpose (to kill yourself); I was talking about it in a rethorical way.

"Karma is a bitch,´´ is a phrase you hear a lot in the private conversations among those heavily into spirituality. And "Karma" is not punishment; not at all. Karma is "habit"; that´s all Karma really is. All the accumulated past self-undoing and self-sabotaging habits from the many lifetimes we´ve lived.

And in each lifetime, instead of recognizing and understanding those habits so that we can do something effective about them to change them, we not only do absolutely nothing, but we accumulate even more habits on top of the "old ones". And so we keep on living this seemingly unending cycle of life-and-death.

But it is TOTALLY in our hands - it is totally within our power - to change those habits so that we can become free of our current Karmic patterns and path. The choice is yours, my dear soul; suffering - which is a choice - or freedom and the ability to live and enjoy life.

Life is a book YOU are the author of. It is YOU the only one capable of writing in your "Book of Life". Therefore, it is you the one who decides how your "Life Novel" is going to end. You have that power; you really do. You just need to believe it.

There are thousands who have lived a very hard childhood such as the one you lived; and lots of them, even had a much worse childhood. But they decided to use their wounds to heal themselves and to heal others in their path. They embraced forgiveness as their main healing tool with which to dig themselves out of the deep hole they had buried themselves into.

It is your choice, my dear soul. I could give you all the healing tools I possess - which are a lot - but without your willingness to let go and change, even the greatest healer of Earth, would not be able to help you. It is your choice.

Whenever you are ready, I will be. I am not going anywhere, and I´ve given you the ways to contact me, even if I leave Astroseek.

petertorres1968@gmail.com. And WhatsApp (787) 478-6430

But the choice is yours.

Take care, and may the Guides give you the insights you need.
October 21, 2019 at 20:44
(Taurus) nutelina » Nole
Maybe your dad reminds you of you but I also know both parents are important and it goes cross - daughters and father and sons and mother.

My dad is 8/8 seems to be very stubborn and proud people. Your moon is in Leo so I guess that’s your connection with her.

I’m sad your sister was weak in hitting you for being hit herself. It’s a bad position to be in with your step sister and step dad seeing from her perspective.

All the others who wrote: thanks ?I’ve learned a lot. It will take some time but you have taken a good step. By being honest others feel safe to resonate with you. That’s really noble of you.
October 21, 2019 at 19:50
(Cancer) Nole » Davis212
So sorry. That was me having a break down just now.
Thanks for your reply ill try to make a good use of your insights. All of them were accurate.
Now I´m saving to travel to the town where my mom was born so I can research for her time of birth. That´s the obsession that doesn´t let me get out of my depression. I need to know as much as I can about her.
She was born in 8/8/1954 at Milagros, La rioja, Argentina but I don´t know the time. And her only remain sibling can´t tell.
October 21, 2019 at 19:42
(Cancer) Nole » Davis212
Hi Peter! You don´t know how much I appreciate you took the time and the effort to read my chart. I find comfort in your analysis because it is so relatable to my experience,and it means that my struglle has a source and it is not just me being a cry baby, incapable or ungrateful in some way.
You sais "Within the nature of your own wounds lies the solution".
Yesterday I was learning about interplanetary aspects and something relatable stuck in my mind. Those non harmonious ones are there as a challenge to improve our latent gifts and evolve from confort zone.
The pain is real but we have the choice to be a victim and remain undeveloped or to embrace our sorrows and make them our teachers.
I believe in what you said about demons, and that life its a non black or white proposition. Demons became from unloved angels. My mom had her own demons and I wish with my whole soul I could know them. Travel to were she is hug her and said it is ok, I love you no matter what. I forgive you. But sometimes a meen inner voice sais she doesnt want your hug or forgiveness. She doesnt even love you she´s disgust by you. And thats my demon.
It doesnt let my enjoy life and it is only quiet when I am stonned or drunk.
I spent my teenager years with drogg issues. I became an addict without nobody there to noticed. I made a lot of bad desitions and I exposed myself to danger. It was awful but it could had been a lot worse.
I was lost and isolated, I longed to see her in my hallucination. She was never there nor even in my dreams. She has never appeared yet.I believe she was ashamed to even visit me.I know dreams or hallucination are proyections of my own mind. How can I pictured her if I don´t even know her at all.I tried to obtaind her birthday time to make her natal chart. But nobody knows. She is the blaink spot that obsessed me.
I wanted to write a silver lightning message due you are tryng to help me. I really ment to. But it flowed to more darker zones.
Any way we said the nature of wounds would help to find the solution.
Ill try to forgive them I try it every day with my father but I misserable fail every day. He loves me and he is kind to me but he get to my nerves and I can´t stand his presence. I resent him for not taking care of my emotional or psychologycal grow. He thought bringing money to the house was enough and it wasn´t. I can not say him that I love him, I can not even hug him. Its like a physical impairment. I just can´t. Even when I know he got his heart broken and he struggled to keep getting up from his bed.He is a deppresed men and I have inherited his sadness and speechless social awkwardness. Everything I hate from myself I see in him. He is uneducated and never wanted to buy the books I wanted as a kid because he considered it a waste of money. That´s him in a nutshell for me. The man who didnt want to buy me the book I wanted to scape and be absorbed. What a future I could have had. So fucking alone and isolated. Now I can get rid of this feeling of better off alone. I can´t stand myself within people. Hard to explain.
October 5, 2019 at 07:24
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Nole
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
Ok, here I am, finally, :-).

These are my insights on your chart placements after having read your story. Feel free to correct and/or modify any wrong assumptions. At the end, I´ll offer some recommendations.

Your natal chart "match" with the story that you´ve told me, meaning that it reflects your difficulties/conflicts in your past.

I will assume that you know a little bit of astrology, at least. But feel free to ask as many questions as you may need if you don´t understand any part of this analysis.

The first thing one notices is Pluto in Scorpio in the 2nd house square the Moon in the 11th. Pluto represents - and more so in his own sign of Scorpio - transformations and endings, sudden events, death, accidents, etc; all things represented by the 8th house which Pluto naturally "rules" (represents). Moon - among other things - is the mother. And the square is a 90 degree angle between them that represents "challenges", conflicts, etc. The 2nd house - in Vedic astrology - is also about our early family. It is also the house of self-esteem and self-confidence.

So one can immediately assume - as a possible scenario - that the mother was absent in some capacity; too much work, emotionally unavailable, left home, or died. And that this heavily affected the self-esteem and self-confidence of the chart-holder.

Then we have Saturn in the 3rd house, the house of communications and of our siblings. Saturn restricts, limits, obstructs, and create a sensation of fear and helplessness when badly aspected. So just by this, one can assume two probable scenarios: that the individual´s communication has been injured, and that communication difficulties with his/her siblings might have been an issue.

From the 3rd, Saturn is opposite (a conflict, a challenge) Mercury in the 10th house. The 10th house represents career, public reputation, social status, etc. But it also represents the father. Saturn also - among other things - represents the father. Thus, Saturn (father) badly positioned in the 3rd house (communications) and opposite to Mercury (communication) in the 10th (father), represents communication barriers with our father. Also that father restricted or limited our communication.

Chiron is the "planet" representing our deepest and core wounds in life. And Chiron is in the 10th house (father) conjunct MC, and conjunct Mercury. This shows wounds in the area of communication. Then Saturn (father) from the 3rd (communications and siblings also) is opposite Chiron (wounds).

Neptune is exactly conjunct your IC (what represents "Home", peace of mind, inner feelings, ect). Neptune is the natural ruler of the 12th house, the "House of losses", among other things. Neptune - in its lower manifestations - is addiction, delusions, compulsions, confusion, etc. It also represents the "Subconscious mind". Neptune in this position (4th house, the house of the mother) could indicate "loss of mother".

Neptune is in the house of "inner feelings", and Neptune is a very sensitive planet. So here in the 4th, Neptune can become a "psychic sponge" that absorbs all negative emotions around him. Neptune in the 4th house could also cause escapistic tendencies; one wants to get lost in our imaginary world isolated from others. This could lead to drinking or drug abuse problems (a lower manifestation of Neptune).

From the 4th house, Neptune is opposite Mercury (the mind, thinking process). This aspect can manifest as mental confusion. Perhaps others don´t really "get you" and/or you feel you can´t make yourself understood. This aspect can make us to be "absent-minded".

Mars (anger manifestation, among other things) in Aries in the 7th is square to Mercury (communication), but Mercury is "injured" and "debilitated" as shown by its aspect to Chiron and Saturn. So this could manifest as an inability to express our anger/frustration, keeping it all inside - a passive/aggressive behavior perhaps.

Ok; I think that basically covers the most challenging placements and aspects in your chart. Perhaps you´ll be thinking now, "Ok, I got this; what do I do about it now? Or am I destined to ´suffer´ all my life?". Well, let´s talk about possible solutions and recommendations. A birth chart isn´t meant as a "punishment from the gods"; it is a path towards self-understanding, self-recognition, and self-healing.

Within the nature of your own wounds lies the solution. Frequently, the placement/aspects to Chiron, gives us the clue to the particular healing path/process.

Chiron is called, "The Wounded Healer". You can google the mythology behind Chiron if you want to learn more - it is a very interesting reading. But suffice to say that the "archetype" of the "Wounded Healer" is that of an individual that - through an intense search to understand the nature of his wounds so that he can heal them (but who never truly heal them completely) - he becomes capable of understanding those same wounds in others. And thus, he can help them to find relief, hope, and healing. He becomes a "Wounded Healer". The concept originates - I think - from Carl Jung. Sometimes it is said that "Only a wounded healer can truly heal others".

I have VERY deep "Chiron Wounds" myself which I´ve been trying to heal all my life. And in doing so - even though I still need to battle with them every single day - I have been able to understand the nature of them. And that has brought me hope, faith, and relief, even when I still have them. Life has become "livable" for me, and now I can see beauty and purpose when before I could not.

And the FIRST thing I fully understood in my search for healing was the "It is never anyone´s fault". We humans (all of us) - by our own human nature - have many "demons" that overwhelm us every day. Those "demons" take many forms: an addiction (drugs, alcohol, sex, gaming, etc); an habit we seem to be unable to control (procrastination, waking up late, bad temper, etc); an obsession/compulsion; etc.

There is no soul on this planet that doesn´t have an "Demon" overwhelming him/her. Some of us are stronger and learn how to cope with it; how to keep that "demon" at bay. Others not so fortunate - not as strong - fall the victims of their own demons and lose control. In the process, they lose their self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love. And in that state of being, they can hurt others - many times without even being aware that they are doing so.

And we as spirits - due to some karmic past - sometimes are born into families whose members are overwhelmed by their demons, and thus their behavior is not the most prosurvival one, necessarily; they have been "conquered" by the many blows of life.

This isn´t to say that their "bad" actions are immediately justified; no, there are not - one should never use our weaknesses to justify wrongdoing; never. But we can AT LEAST understand the psychology behind their behavior so that instead of becoming the "victim" of it, we can find the wisdom and strength to forgive them, and thus, be able to "let go" of our past.

Forgiveness is the greatest of all healing tools. It is the "cure" for all diseases of the soul; and this, of course, includes self-forgiveness.

We don´t know - you don´t know completely - what type of "demons" were overwhelming your mom. And losing his wife must have been something that destroyed your dad´s motivation and will to live. Same for your sister, losing her mom. If I would have lost my ex wife due to death, I would have died as a being. I don´t think that I would have been able to deal with such pain. To this date - even though not in romantic ways - I still love her very dearly and would give my life for her. And I pray to God, very frequently, to please take my life but spare hers. The pain of losing her is unthinkable; and she is not my wife, she is my friend.

I am not trying to justify your mom or dad; I am only trying to get you to look at the "bigger picture"; trying to get you to understand that Life is not a "White or Black" proposition.

You need to embrace forgiveness - both for them and for yourself.

You came to this lifetime to heal others - North Node (our "Soul Mission") in the house of the "Healer" (the 6th house, the house of Virgo) and in the sign of compassion and kindness - Pisces. The South Node (our past lives experiences and skills) is in Virgo (the "Healer") and in the 12th house (spirituality). This indicates that you were into spirituality (possibly some kind of healer, priest, spiritual person, a mystic, etc).

Perhaps you were isolated from others (12th house) and didn´t have much contact with society. This tendency to isolate yourself is something that perhaps you are manifesting this lifetime - a need for solitude. But now you should use that "spiritual wisdom" that you acquired in past existences and apply it in practical ways (6th house) in the real world of day-to-day living (6th house). Now you should try to BE a part of living; to experience life to its fullest, instead of isolating yourself from others.

You can use your wounds in the area of communication to heal others and to heal yourself. Pluto (transformations) in Scorpio (digging deep) in the 2nd house (self-esteem, also the voice) is trine Chiron (wounds) who is conjunct Mercury (communication). So you - by communicating how you feel by various means (a journal, writing poetry/music, talking to a counselor, etc) - can begin to understand the nature of your wounds so that you can start healing them.

You have a triangle (very positive pattern) with Moon (nurturing others) in the 11th house (friends, humanitarian causes, etc) in Leo (inspiration, leadership); sextile Venus (love) in the 9th house (faith, hope, teaching, spirituality) in the sign of Gemini (communication). Then Venus is trine your Ascendant (you) in Libra (relationships with other people). Then that Libra Ascendant is sextile the Moon in your 11th house.

Your 10th (career) is in Cancer (taking care of others). So the ruler (Moon - nurturing) of the house of career is in the 11th in Leo. This and all of the above are great placements for a counselor, psychologist, healer, social worker, etc.

An "obsession" is a thought that one can´t take out of our minds; we can´t control it. That can take the form of a "constant worry about something"; "constantly having our minds in something bad about our past"; etc.

We get depressed because we can´t "unfix" our mind from some specific thoughts.

So one way to deal with that is through "Meditation". In meditating one is learning to "focus" our mind in something very specific (usually our breathing pattern, but it could also be an object). And the more we do it, the more control of our thoughts we regain. But as you have Neptune opposite Mercury - which possibly make it a little difficult to quiet the mind - perhaps you can do better with chanting "Mantras". The right mantra can be quite powerful. Still can´t explain why, but they work.

And to finish this very loooooong analysis, haha, there is something called EFT ("Emotional Freedom Technique"). I got trained on it and have applied it to others (and to myself - it can also be self-applied); and it is incredibly effective. Today, it is used by thousands of therapists around the world.

Many "versions" of EFT exist online and on YouTube. But stick to the original one. Here is the link for the tutorial. I highly recommend it. Just make sure you study the tutorial in the exact order, and make sure that you understand one step before going into the next. You can contact me as many times as you may need if you have any questions about anything.

https://www.emofree.com/eft-tutoria…

Best of luck to you!! :-))).

Peter
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October 4, 2019 at 00:09
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Nole
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
Hi!

I am working on my reply right now.
October 3, 2019 at 06:30
(Capricorn) Daniellel » Nole
I can relate to your story a lot and I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through and still go through . I just want you to know that you were just a kid and what you’ve gone through isn’t your fault . Your mom perhaps couldn’t handle her own stress and her moods and reactions were all over the place and unpredictable making you not knowing what to expect .

At least that’s how it was for me growing up ....she had parents who weren’t exactly there for her needs and her mom stayed with an abusive man . The whole family i was affected by it ! My step dad was above and psychotic and I’m glad she did what she had to do to get us away from that . He then passed away years later along with both my grandparents . I went downhill after that. Mom always said I wasn’t depressed , just lazy and would mock and sighaymr and she’s always miserable and doesn’t understand that she is the reason why she’s miserable just like I’m able to see now that the situation that I stay in is not the best for me .
So it’s a cycle and lots of conditioning and unhealthy communication . emotional neglect is a deep wound for me that I still can’t get over till this day . I would have for you to think that your mother didn’t like you because unless she was really terrible I would think she loves you just didn’t know how to be the best mom she could be . And your family isn’t reliable so you only have yourself to rely on . We all need support , of you ever want to chat I’d be happy to listen . I’ve been A LOY and pretty much b ruined my whole life because of my reactions to feeling heard or having anyone I could go to to talk to . She loves you and I would try and maybe realize that it had nothing to do with you . It was her . Try and find peace and healing and understanding to help you get through this. Your sister seems like she has some things she needs to work on as well so make sure you set boundaries with her so she isn’t able to talk to you like she did in the last .Her behavior isn’t nice but I’m sure she’s just hurt too and it comes out in these cruel ways .
I have anxiety ptsd bpd bdd depression addiction issues so of course I’m not going to feel good about it but i have to try my best to control my emotions and figure myself out on a deeper level because I feel like I barely know who I am. Co dependency sucks. Try and just take it day by day and don’t be afraid to open yourself up again to others because you deserve to be happy !
October 3, 2019 at 05:42
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Nole
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
That´s a very sad story, :8: I am really sorry about your mom, your dad, your sister, and about everything that you went through as just a kid, :-(. ?? Those must have been very difficult times for you.

Thanks for sharing your story, and for the confidence to tell me about your life as a kid.

It is a little late for me, but tomorrow afternoon I will reply more fully, and will offer my insights and analysis of your chart based on that, together with my recommendations as to what you can do to improve your emotional situation.

Hang on in there; never lose hope and faith. The fact that you are opening up to communicate what you feel is a HUGE step towards healing; well done,!

The shining sun of the morning will set again on your life to light up your path towards recovery, :-). ??

I´ll "see" you tomorrow. Sleep well, ?.

Best,
Peter
October 3, 2019 at 05:15
(Cancer) Nole » Davis212
My mom died when I was 10 years old. Before that she used to work a lot as a nurse and my father was always travelling abroad. My big sister from my mom side would take care of me when I was not in the child care. I remember my mother as a proud, beautiful and intelligent person. Always bright and charismatic for the outsiders but I barely remember her mothering me. She was always tired and she had not time or patience towars me. I remember her punish me a lot for my inocent chilish things. I also remember my sister complaining about having to take care of me and she as a teenanger used to leave me locked up alone in the hause to hanging out whit her boyfriend. I was always afraid to fall sleep and finding myself alone in the house. I also remember them, my mom and sister, always fighting. And then both of them used to took it out with me to work off their rage. I remember I hate hearing them screaming each other and I prefered they getting off their chess with me than fighting each other. My mom used to hit my sister sometimes because she was a lausy baby sitter of mine and then, when mom was at work, my sister hit me in revenge. I also remember them calling me out names because I was chubby or because I was not girly enough or beautiful. As you said it right, may be I was a very sensitive child and I "sponge" all the bad emotions around. But I wanted so much for.them to like me.. My self-esteem depended on both of them.
My mom got sick and died and I dont clearly remember much of anything before and after her death. She left me with a 38 years old father who barely knew me. And with a sister who didnt like me much and who had always been kind of jealous of me because his father abandoned her and my father had never managed to be unbiased between the two of us. He always favoured me and I hated that becaused she always accused me for being guilty of that . she used to talk a lot of shit of him to me. I resented him because of that. I hated him for everything. One day, months after my mother´s death, my sister show me a letter addressed to my father. It was his mistress. I didnt understand a thing and she told me my father was a scumbag who betrayed our.mum. but she never confronted him she always through all her rage against me.. A 10 years kid. I grew up like thst,always between crossfire. Tryng to make amends for things that werent my fault.
After a year or two my sister got married and left the house. I was a 12 years old girl with a father who was never around because he worked all day long. He didnt have the capacity to communicate or connect whith me at any point.my mothers death broke him. He never got married again. And so I spend my teenanger years in an empty house. Longing for my mom and my sister who abandoned the ship when I needed the most. Neither of the three of us recovered after my moms death. And I know nothing about her because they never talked to.me about her. The only feeling I have is that her not liking me as a child and the certainty that she wouldn´t like me as a grow up neither.
October 3, 2019 at 02:28
(Pisces) fishscales » fishscales
"Chiron is the the 9th,showing that there may be a problem with your philosophy and beliefs about family"

I thought about this from another angle...

Chiron in Cancer in the 9th could mean that your family instilled beliefs in you that are hurting you in some way..
October 2, 2019 at 22:44
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Nole
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
"So sorry for the delay answer, I was at College.I didnt mean to be rude or ignore your answers."

That´s quite all right, :-)).

"Thanks for the interest! Its my first time posting in here."

Welcome! :-)

". And my first time speaking out this issues of mine."

I totally understand; it is not easy at all talking on a public forum.

"I didnt expect to have so many replies in so short time."

People here care when they see someone struggling in life, :-).

"Thank you all Ill be answering each of you as soon as possible."

That´s quite all right.

"And thank you david 212 for speaking in my behalf and understanding."

Sure; my pleasure, :-).

"Id love to heard all of your feed back.I´llappreciate each one of them."

I´ll wait for your replies first so that I can have a starting point in which to base my insights and recommendations.

Take care, :-)

Peter
October 2, 2019 at 19:52
(Cancer) Nole » ZynCitrus
I apologize for making you feel this way. I didnt mean to disappear I just wasn´t available to answer immediately. Its my first time here and I dont know the dynamics yet. Ill keep on mind your tips so I dont seem unpolite or rude.
October 2, 2019 at 19:42
(Cancer) Nole » Davis212
So sorry for the delay answer, I was at College.I didnt mean to be rude or ignore your answers. Thanks for the interest! Its my first time posting in here.. And my first time speaking out this issues of mine. I didnt expect to have so many replies in so short time. Thank you all Ill be answering each of you as soon as possible. And thank you david 212 for speaking in my behalf and understanding. Id love to heard all of your feed back.I´llappreciate each one of them.
October 2, 2019 at 18:15
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » ZynCitrus
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
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"Sometimes I just want to stop writing to anyone, because it is so rude and disrespectful to ask a question and than just disappear ..."

Yeah, I know what you mean, and I know how it feels to be ignored. And usually, I just ignore them back. In this case, however, I am making an exception, because she is really injured in her willingness and ability to communicate. She has Chiron conjunct Mercury. Then Saturn in her 3rd opposite that injured Mercury. Then is also a Cancer Sun (they tend to keep things inside). Then Neptune right on top of her IC (confused feelings and perceptions) is opposite Mercury = confused and unclear thoughts.

So she is in "isolation" (Neptune in IC) and not very much willing and able to express her deep feelings. Besides, she remind me of my dear daughter, :-((. I know, I know, a "Counselor" should never "identify", but what the hell; I am a very "absorbing" Pisces Moon myself, :-). But I do understand you, :-).

"...there should be rules, like ask direct question - instead of here´s my chart tell me past present future and everything else you see.."

Yes, indeed! It is sooooo much easier if a question(s) is asked (and a brief story included as well), so that we can have a starting point, at least.

"From now on I see one big FU :21: and ignore :40:"

Haha! I get you, :-)).
October 2, 2019 at 17:38
(Cancer) ZynCitrus » Davis212
Sometimes I just want to stop writing to anyone, because it is so rude and disrespectful to ask a question and than just disappear ...

there should be rules, like ask direct question - instead of here´s my chart tell me past present future and everything else you see..
From now on I see one big FU :21: and ignore :40:
October 2, 2019 at 17:28
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Trevor77
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
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Yeah, no pressure at all, :-).
October 2, 2019 at 17:21
(Cancer) Trevor77
She doesnt have to reply, no pressure :5:
October 2, 2019 at 16:57
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
Come on, talk to me; I want to help you. Tell me your story. The first step of healing, is being willing to talk about what is troubling us.

I know that you are a "psych sponge", aren´t you? You can "absorb" the emotions from others, can´t you? You were VERY sensitive as a child, capable of "sensing" everything around you; all the emotions from you family, wasn´t you? The home "atmosphere" was incredibly tense for you, and you isolated into your own world, didn´t you?

What happened? Tell me.
October 2, 2019 at 16:52
(Cancer) Trevor77
Your Chiron in Cancer is opposite Saturn too, but Looking on the bright side, your Sun in 10th house shows a prosperous future ahead of you, things could be worse I mean your chart aint so bad, iv seen worse, chin up! I know cancers worry alot

And yea, family problems does affect cancerians alot, we´re very home based arnt we, I know how you feel but sometimes you just gotta put the past behind you in order to move forward, You dont wanna live dwelling on stuff its no good,

Move on, let it go :43:
Have Cuppa and think forward :83:

you have some creativity with words in your chart I see?
do you write alot ?
October 2, 2019 at 16:45
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
Did any of your parents have addiction problems? (Drugs? Alcohol?) Your father, possibly? Or a mental condition?
October 2, 2019 at 16:27
(Aquarius) Leo Moon
Investigate South node In 12th house Virgo
With North node Pisces in the 6th house.

Astrology only shows us available energies and can give us insights but does not determine who we are .
That is up to us.

I wrote a more detailed reply but it disappeared with an error message.

Use Your favorite search engine and investigate Your Nodal aspects.
It may give You some insight.
October 2, 2019 at 14:34
(Pisces) fishscales
Yes, your Chiron is in Cancer, indicating a family wound, but Chiron is a slow mover, so house position is just as important, if not more so, than sign position

Chiron is the the 9th,showing that there may be a problem with your philosophy and beliefs about family

Re-examine your beliefs objectively... Remember that beliefs are just opinions, not necessarily reality... Sometimes our beliefs may actually hold us back from change if we are too attached to them

I´m not saying the bad things that happened to you in your family life didn´t happen... Just try to put your beliefs about what happened in a different perspective... One that may help you, or help you help others (which will only help yourself)

Neptune conjunct IC shows your confusion regarding family matters, and probably why your previous family situation seems unsolvable and continues to linger.. Like a blanket of fog that hangs over you

Neptune is opposed by Mercury... You´ve got to bring Mercury´s clarity of thought and analytical ability into solving this

Moon is in Leo, so emotional expression shouldn´t be that much of a problem, but moon is square Pluto, showing a tendency to compulsive emotional patterns... Perhaps a fear of expressing emotions because they may be too powerful
October 2, 2019 at 14:04
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com
System message: Post has been written by user David Evans, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
Wish I could, I´m in the same depressed hole. Except my Chiron is Libra in 3rd. But I had same problem as you too. Intercepted 4th. Just keep moving forward every day. Apparently chiron is also healing, so maybe some good will come of it.


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