Trouble communicating

September 28, 2019 at 23:02 (UT/GMT)
(Cancer) modestmoon
Trouble communicating
My boyfriend and I have some problems talking to each other. It seems like many times there are misunderstandings, which can lead to arguements and both of us feeling irritated and frustrated. Also, both of us tend to kind of shut down and it feels like there are things between us that need to be talked about but it doesn´t happen so it just kind of sits there unresolved.

Would anyone like to weigh in on what you see?

Thank you. ❤️
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September 29, 2019 at 19:35
(Capricorn) JSO » Davis212
What’s about their :157: :194: :157: aspect in their synastry, please?
September 29, 2019 at 16:42
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » modestmoon
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
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You are most welcome, :1:

And I totally understand about the busy schedule. But for the sake of the kid, it is very important that you do squeeze in the time to work on yourself.

I thought you two were just bf and gf. But if you have a daughter with him, and are under the same roof, then that´s a marriage for all practical purposes. So now it is even more important that you two can handle your issues.

I wish you the best. If you need anything I am just a message away.

Take care, :-). :29:
September 29, 2019 at 04:00
(Cancer) modestmoon » Davis212
Thank you. ? We should try to take care of ourselves more. We don´t have much spare time, between work and taking care of our daughter. For ourselves individually, or together. I have no doubt if we tried harder to squeeze stuff like that in, it would help.
September 29, 2019 at 03:48
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Davis212
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
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Also, I forgot to mention that adopting the practice of meditating daily for at least 30 minutes (but 45 minutes is better), would be great for you two; especially for him. Anyone with 12th house placements, is greatly helped by meditating. And you can do it "together" - even if at different spaces - so that you can discuss your results from it, thus creating the habit of talking about what´s on your mind.
September 29, 2019 at 03:24
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » modestmoon
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
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"Ah, I also wanted to say that I think writing things down like you suggested is a really good idea. ? It would definitely help bring some clarity."

Yes, it definitely would! :1: It would help you both to "pinpoint" the exact issues to address.
September 29, 2019 at 03:21
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » modestmoon
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
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"Thank you! This is very spot on. I appreciate it."

Always me pleasure! :-)

"The past life thing you mentioned is very interesting. There was a very strong attraction from the beginning, but also tension and misunderstanding too."

The North Node trine the Moon and the South Node sextile the Moon (which happens both ways, btw), usually create an immediate attraction/connection. It is as if the souls can recognize each other even in other bodies. But it seems you two have unresolved issues from the past.

"It´s always been very loving, but like I said, can feel quite tense at times."

I totally understand.

"I also wanted to mention something he says a lot, when something is very clearly on his mind is that he can´t talk about it, because he can´t explain it.He says his thoughts are always too cloudy or too quick and it´s hard for him to hang onto them and focus."

That´s his Sun in Pisces in the 12th conjunct Mercury. The 12th house - among many other things - is about the Subconscious and the world of ideas; particularly those ideas that are sort of buried. It is the house of isolation; it hides things from our consciousness. Then Mercury (our thinking process, our mind) is there in the 12th being "burnt" by the Sun, which is also hidden in the 12th. This confuses the thinking process of the individual.

Then from that hidden and isolated 12th house, his Mercury is square (a challenging aspect/connection) Chiron (our basic wounds in life) in his 3rd house (communications). See the relationship/dynamic? He is going to feel as if he can´t talk about what he is feeling and thinking. He might not even understand his own personality (the Sun) as his Sun is being hidden in the 12th house.

"And as for me, I don´t have a hard time with that, but what I do struggle with is actually verbalizing. Like, I know what´s bothering me but it´s hard to talk about how I´m really feeling. It feels uncomfortable."

I understand. The Moon is feelings/emotions and is in Virgo. So even though the Moon is in the 12th, this Virgo Moon is very "analytical". But the nature of the 12th house, create this difficulty for you. Also, generally speaking, it is not easy for Cancer Suns to express their emotions; especially when they are upset. That´s why the crab is the symbol for Cancer. Because when they feel threatened or hurt, they tend to shy away and want to "hide" inside the shell.

"As far as anger..it´s hard to deal with too. When someone is angry it´s also very uncomfortable."

That´s the nature of being a Cancer Sun. Cancer individuals are very sensitive to anger.

"I don´t know what to do, and sometimes I feel like I need to fix it, to make it go away."

I understand. Sometimes it is just better to have some space to cool off first before discussing the matter. That would be a great practice for you two, with your kind of placements (from both).

"And when he´s upset or angry, it can make me feel like that too, even if I was fine before."

Of course; that´s also the nature of Cancer.

"Sorry, I´ve blathered on lol."

Haha; that´s ok, :-)). I understood you perfectly, :-).

"Again, thank you."

Sure; anytime! :-)
September 29, 2019 at 02:50
(Cancer) modestmoon » Davis212
Ah, I also wanted to say that I think writing things down like you suggested is a really good idea. ? It would definitely help bring some clarity.
September 29, 2019 at 02:30
(Cancer) modestmoon » Davis212
Thank you!

This is very spot on. I appreciate it.

The past life thing you mentioned is very interesting. There was a very strong attraction from the beginning, but also tension and misunderstanding too. It´s always been very loving, but like I said, can feel quite tense at times.

I also wanted to mention something he says a lot, when something is very clearly on his mind is that he can´t talk about it, because he can´t explain it. He says his thoughts are always too cloudy or too quick and it´s hard for him to hang onto them and focus.

And as for me, I don´t have a hard time with that, but what I do struggle with is actually verbalizing. Like, I know what´s bothering me but it´s hard to talk about how I´m really feeling. It feels uncomfortable.

As far as anger..it´s hard to deal with too. When someone is angry it´s also very uncomfortable. I don´t know what to do, and sometimes I feel like I need to fix it, to make it go away.

And when he´s upset or angry, it can make me feel like that too, even if I was fine before.

Sorry, I´ve blathered on lol.

Again, thank you.
September 29, 2019 at 01:58
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Davis212
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
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The tendency to get angry/fight is more his than yours, though. But your 12th house Mars "attract" his anger, as Mars is the ruler of your Descendant. Then your Cancer Sun react to that, as Cancer is very sensitive to rudeness.
September 29, 2019 at 01:57
(Aquarius) Leo Moon » modestmoon
Davis knows what he is about. Consider it.

I would add that it is the type of relationship that can be deep and long lived if You two are willing to put in the work to establish it.

All good things require effort and energy.
September 29, 2019 at 01:55
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Davis212
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
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Your chart.
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September 29, 2019 at 01:54
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Davis212
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
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His chart.
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September 29, 2019 at 01:50
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com
System message: Post has been written by user Davis212, who already deleted profile on this website:
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You see, THIS is the kind of post I love. Someone who ACTUALLY wants to do something about her relationship, and who tell us WHAT is happening. I just love this kind of initiative.

Your synastry with him is a little complicated; not impossible, but complicated. Why? Well, for one thing, you have 10 connections to the North Node - which immediately mean 10 connections to the South Node (the past). That many connections can only mean one thing: you´ve known each other in past lives. The good thing is, that 7 out of those 10 connections are good aspects. Moon trine the North Node (and sextile the South Node), Both ways, support the interpretation of a past life connection.

For another thing - besides that Moon/Nodes good aspects - the synastry aspects with the Moon are hard ones. Also the Venus and the Mars aspects:

1. Moon square Uranus
2. Moon square Neptune
3. Moon opposite Uranus
4. Mars opposite Sun
5. Square Uranus
6. Mars square Neptune
7. Venus square Uranus
8. Venus square Neptune

Then:

1. Pluto conjunct Saturn - one that feels very heavy and frustrating.

2. Saturn square Mars - one that causes many arguments and frustrations.

All of the above is indicative of a past life relationship gone bad, where many businesses were left unfinished. But the fact that most of the connections to the Nodes are good aspects, means that it was also a very loving and fulfilling relationship.

Also the synastry have 10 aspects to Chiron; 7 of them being good aspects. So this means that this relationship - as frustrating as it may seem - can offer you two the opportunity to heal your particular wounds in love.

As to the arguments and fights (and not talking about it):

1. Your Descendant is in Aries. Aries is ruled by Mars, and he is in your 12th in Virgo, where Mars is "debilitated" as he is in the sign of his "enemy" (Mercury). Mars in the 12th can activate many subsconcious issues and can react badly. Having Mars as the ruler of the 7th and in the 12th, can "attract" anger from your partners. But it count also become a combination that gives you an individual who pushes you (Mars) to succeed and towards spirituality (12th house)

2. You also have Moon in the 12th house in Virgo. The Moon in the 12th can manifest many subsconcious issues, and can also create self-undoing and self-sabotage habits. Luckily, 3 out of its 4 aspects,are good ones.

3. You are a Cancer Sun, and one lower manifestation of that placement is moodiness. This is a well know astrological fact.

4. Saturn is opposite Mars in the 12th. This can be a difficult aspect that can activate anger issues. This is the aspect that you need to work on the most. Read all you can about it.

5. Then you have Pluto in Scorpio in the 2nd opposite Venus in the 8th in Taurus. This can create a tendency to want to dominate in relationships. Perhaps even to manipulate.

His own chart:

1. He is an Aries Asc - that all by itself can create a bad temper. Then Mars is conjunct his Asc and conjunct the Moon in Aries = a VERY bad temper!! Then Mars is also conjunct Venus which can be very sexually attractive and make one very passionate in love, but can also manifest as anger issues in relationships.

2. Then he has his Sun in Pisces in the 12th which can manifest as a tendency towards self-sabotage and self-undoing patterns of conduct. And Mercury is also in the 12th square Chiron (wounds) in the 3rd (communications).

3. Then from the 3rd (communications) Chiron is opposite Saturn in the 8th, which can manifest - though that is a sort of a "generational aspect" as well - as restrictions and challenges in our communication. We can say the wrong things at the wrong time.

So as you can see, you BOTH have many challenging aspects regarding communication and anger issues in your independent charts. Then in the synastry those issues are also manifested as synastry aspects. See? The situation is not an easy one at all! You have many, many challenges to conquer ahead. Your 12th house placements is not allowing communication to flow.

I know that everything I have described/discussed above seems kind of scary and even hopeless; but the fact that you two (I am assuming he is trying as well; is he?) are trying, means that there is a solution to this. But it starts by you BOTH being willing to just sit down and TALK things out, without recriminations and fault-finding.

1. Write a list of ALL the things you both agree on.

2. Write a list of all the things you two disagree about.

3. From list two, isolate the exact disagreement in each case. The exact disagreement would be a specific action or a specific belief about something.

4. Share both your lists with each other and discuss them without keeping anything to yourself. You both MUST be willing to communicate everything you feel and think.

If you BOTH are willing to do something about it and to face your own particular issues, then I am very much willing to help you to salvage your relationship. Just let me know.
September 29, 2019 at 00:59
(Cancer) modestmoon » Leo Moon
Thank you.

Yes, he´s quite fiery haha.

He can have a temper, upsets easily. And for me, sometimes I can´t understand that. It seems like a waste of energy. And then in turn, that can make him feel like I don´t understand, or I´m unsupportive. ?
September 28, 2019 at 23:49
(Aquarius) Leo Moon
I notice that even though You have a Cancer Sun Your signature sign is Capricorn.

Plus You have an Earth Grand Trine.


His Sun may be Pisces, but his signature sign is Aries. His dominant planet is Mars which is in Aries in his first house.
That is a lot of fiery and aggressive energy.

A Goat and a Ram banging heads. Both stubborn signs.

So it isn´t the Cancer, Pisces dynamic I thought it would be.

Capricorn and Aries can get along but both have to be willing to give a bit.

That is what I see at first look.


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