i want to fucking die.

May 31, 2019 at 23:36 (UT/GMT)
(Gemini) beep
i want to fucking die.
yes this is only astrology and i should look into counseling and therapy which i already am (my therapist is conceident AS FUCK btw only rambles on about her personal life as if i GIVE TWO SHITS.) particpating in but i am really losing hope.
the only reason why im not actually dead is because im too afraid to even do just that, i dont want to keep feeling this way
dont even remember last time i was genuinely happy, i can onlyfake it, its so FUcking tiring. i feel like another person sometimes around people, adding onto this ive had sleep paralysis few months back....this shoulsnt happen to me
i had thought at first it must be bc i left my job and obviously lead to me feeling sadness and embarassed ofc but now its constant suicide thoughts. but this started from very beginnig when i thought i was stable w job, WHY THE FUCK AM I FEELING SO EMOTIONAL AND NO LUCK WITH JOB???

my question is there somewhere on my damn chart that will tell me when THIS PHASE will soon end??? when will i actually feel pure joy? am i overreacting maybe? are most people supposed to feel this way or do??

also...im not depressed and never will be. i am just too sad right now so i again i ask if someonw can tell me if this damn emo phase will ever end??

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June 2, 2019 at 23:30
(Aries) Cajun » goldenlion32
thats where time lords and dashas come into play:)
June 1, 2019 at 22:44
(Sagittarius) goldenlion32 » ram_goat
Ha ha..yes, it depends on how I emotionally trigger some of them. I´ve had some tell me I don´t understand anything in their experience. And of course, I know sometimes I polarize them. I try to be sensitive and empathetic, but it´s not always easy because it´s part of the process of getting out of the consensus state into the individuation. Never know how someone will perceive things and see me as the Villain in their experience for saying the truth.
June 1, 2019 at 16:32
June 1, 2019 at 16:26
(Aries) ram_goat » goldenlion32
Naw wasn´t harsh at all...
June 1, 2019 at 16:08
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » ram_goat
System message: Post has been written by user Liquidized.Mind.LM3992, who already deleted profile on this website:
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Poll would be huge, but that requires people to recognize they have been duped.
June 1, 2019 at 16:06
(Gemini) beep » goldenlion32
No you’re not being harsh. Having positive mindset yes I agree
June 1, 2019 at 15:44
(Aries) ram_goat » Liquidized.Mind.LM3992
Therapists.. sigh..

When the only tool you have is a hammer all problems begin to
resemble nails..

I´de love to see a poll of what % of people think their therapists gave
them bad advice or misdiagnosed them. I am guessing it is at least 50%.

There is no substitute for self knowledge.



June 1, 2019 at 11:28
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Vanille
System message: Post has been written by user Liquidized.Mind.LM3992, who already deleted profile on this website:
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100%

I was diagnosed with ADHD, i don´t have it. What i do have is an overactive mind and no where always to put that energy, i have work now so i can actually use my energy and stay mentally healthy all the while making my plans for my future come to life, little by little.

Nothing comes out of thin air, and nothing comes at the speed of light, learn to endure and you will be repaid for the time you took to learn.
June 1, 2019 at 11:10
(Gemini) beep » Vanille
Nice to see your dream csme true, waiting on mine still
And therapy was long awaited for me since childhood so I decided to go willingly on my own this time lol
June 1, 2019 at 11:10
(Sagittarius) goldenlion32 » beep
Sorry to be quite blatant and sounds a little harsh, but it is part of the process and we all must go through it whether it feels good or not temporarily. If you remember your emotions, thoughts, and feelings shift every two hours with the ascendant and transits, you know nothing remains the same for long. Bad feelings go away, while good feelings come. Music, literature, television, whatever your focused on also has a correlation with how you feel in the moment.

You can experiment with this with music alone. Certain music and lyrics make you feel different ways.

Different movies make you feel certain ways.

If you focus on negative things, emo, dark stuff, you will feel negative. If you focus on positive things, you will feel positive.

You have control what you put in your mind by what you see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. You always have a choice what your focused on.
June 1, 2019 at 11:06
(Gemini) beep » Cajun
About that time I finally attend mass after years not going now I guess!
Thanks
June 1, 2019 at 11:04
(Gemini) beep » goldenlion32
Everything you said here is very true ?, I’m the only one who can save myself
Thanks!
June 1, 2019 at 11:03
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com
System message: Post has been written by user Vanille, who already deleted profile on this website:
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Calm down! You sound like me 1 year ago, very suicidal, lonely and hopeless. Then a miracle happened and I found a nice job, against all expectations, it gives me strenght and hope. I no longer feel suicidal now, all because of luck and no longer allowing certain people to get to me (including shitty therapists, I never had a good one and got wrongly diagnosed)

Therapy is the #1 advice most will give, I will now give you advice to quit. Therapy can in fact ruin you when you´re matched with the wrong therapist or given the wrong treatment... You´re better off alone, than surrounded by people who have a bad influence on you.

Am I happy? Not at all, but I no longer want to kill or hurt myself. It´s "just" a start, but every success story needs a start after all ~
June 1, 2019 at 09:11
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com
System message: Post has been written by user Olenna, who already deleted profile on this website:
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My question is why should you be happy? Because it seems that everybody else is? I was like you when i was your age. All i did is curse myself and run away from how i felt. It only got worse. Try to figure what is trying to get your attention, when you have intense emotions it screams at you to be looked at. Do not fake happiness, that is not gonna help you. Instead find something that genuinely makes you feel better, or brings you joy, no matter how little improvement it creates. Your mind seems to be running wild right now due to some shaking from Uranus, it`s triggering that difficult inconjunction you have with the Moon/Pluto conjunction in Sagittarius that`s about exploring your inner truth and what you believe in. It`s possible that you can`t get a job because your path is somewhere else, it`s up to you to figure out what you`re made of. That won`t happen if keep trying to pretend to be someone else or something else. The end of this phase you`re in depends on you finding your truth and live that.
June 1, 2019 at 08:59
(Sagittarius) goldenlion32
This is more about how bad do you want to help yourself. And please don´t say I don´t understand. Fortunately, it takes as long it takes for you to find methods and techniques that work for you. This means being devoted and dedicated to yourself every day learning something new, changing your emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, sexual, and financial patterns.

Really astrology isn´t going to help you as much as watching a video every day, reading a book, meditating, relaxing, working through your emotions, thoughts, and feelings. Changing your perception of things.

We can start with Uranus square Mercury. How about we start communicating through writing a novel, fiction, poetry, using your brain by doing geometry, algebra, perhaps word puzzles, drawing.

If you´re a communications person with higher messaging and lower messaging this means you have to communicate every day in a blog, vlog, or journal. Getting your thoughts focused, organizing your thoughts, learning to focus on one thing.

That house of Virgo is all about communications and the throat chakra. Stop be self-critical, judging self, beating yourself up, and nit picking at yourself.

How about you start with Byron Katie, Wayne Dyer, Leo Buscaglia,

You don´t need to wait for a psychologist. There´s tons of video´s, books, etc. online. You don´t need to wait for someone to save you.

You are the hero in your journey, and of course with Pisces in the south node you want to escape reality, and out of your emotional and mental body. This life time is all about you showing up in life in the North Node Virgo.

Waiting for someone else to do the inner work for you is a long road, since your the one in control of where your headed in life.

You can allow others to create your reality for you, or you can create your reality by educating yourself, applying, adjust, practicing every day, and overcoming your self-limiting beliefs, theories, and concepts. How you see the world.

Phil Zimbardo is one who speaks on how you perceive things.

I know it´s tough, but it´s time to get out of Virgo/Pisces victim mentality, playing the martyr, and I know all about it because I´m the Virgo Pluto generation. We already mastered it, and most of us will tell you to get up off the ground and do something about it instead of waiting for someone else to do the inner work for you.

Do you need the old story, or can you write a new story for your life?

https://www.youtube.com/user/…
https://www.youtube.com/watch/…
https://www.youtube.com/channel/…
https://www.youtube.com/user/…

I got you started here. I´m sure you can spend an hour or two a day watching a video, reading a book.

You can also spend an hour or two writing something.

There are really no excuses. You have open source courses on line and more resources than any other generation in history to help you heal online.

Use key words in search.
June 1, 2019 at 08:14
(Aries) Cajun » Liquidized.Mind.LM3992
It´s tough bro. Especially where Im from and the kinda work I do (oilfield)
But as Saturn matures 36 he gives you a slightly different perspective.
I will check it out:) But Im hitting the road early this morning.

Peace.
June 1, 2019 at 08:11
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » Cajun
System message: Post has been written by user Liquidized.Mind.LM3992, who already deleted profile on this website:
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I like your post Cajun.

As a 12th house Cancer, i can attest to aligning with femininity traits, regardless of me being a man, Cancer is feminine, my chart is overtly dominant in feminine signs bar MC and Ascendant though i have a strong Mars, Mars is also in a feminine sign.


Interesting article on the divine feminine.

https://www.bustle.com/p/…

This has nothing to do with sexuality, it´s more so a change in how the mind works to better suit your true soul make up.
June 1, 2019 at 08:08
(Aries) Cajun
You have a bright moon (nearly full in the 4th). The problem (that I see just glancing) is that the 4th house dispositor is sitting in Saturn´s sign...who is getting torched in fire in Aries.
June 1, 2019 at 08:04
(Aries) Cajun
Good morning.

I am willing to throw in my two cents because Ive been there before.

I´d humbly ask if you could just give me the weekend to look it (dashas and divisional charts) over more in detail by entering your info into my software.

First things 1st. You are on Saturn´s time and Shani is in bad shape in Aries. You will have to put your big boy draws on until he goes direct. Transit Saturn in Capricorn is now an applied (aka approaching) square to your natal chart.

Fwiw you have a Cancer whole sign 12th house. If you are a spiritual person then asking Mary (Mother of Jesus)to intercede may help. If you aren´t a Christian, then take the Divine Feminine that represents your spiritual path.

Hang in there.
June 1, 2019 at 05:52
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com
System message: Post has been written by user Liquidized.Mind.LM3992, who already deleted profile on this website:
=====
I have Pluto 4th house also, it´s a very powerful position for Pluto, and no you won´t be like anyone around you, do not fake who you are.

Your Moon is not in any dignity and being conjunct Pluto also not in dignity is going to be a whirlwind, mostly your inner issues exploding outwards like you have here, which in some ways is not bad, but you must learn to control yourself.

I also have sleep paralysis, i get over it and move on. The sooner you realize you are not like the crowd the better, the further you can become your true self, the faster you can move to a better state of mind.


I know what comes with Pluto in the 4th, so i am sending you a warm hug, it´s an horrific ride. :83:
June 1, 2019 at 01:43
(Gemini) beep » ~Masha~
Have a goodnight, sweet dreams and thank you! :6:
June 1, 2019 at 01:38
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » beep
System message: Post has been written by user ~Masha~, who already deleted profile on this website:
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Don´t give up - I will have a look into your transits later today...after some sleep :1:
June 1, 2019 at 01:34
(Taurus) Astro-Seek.com » beep
System message: Post has been written by user ~Masha~, who already deleted profile on this website:
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"stopped talking to that guy, not gunna waste time..."

Oh - o.k. - you find another one- moon/pluto always does and attracts...
June 1, 2019 at 01:31
(Gemini) beep » ~Masha~
stopped talking to that guy, not gunna waste time...
June 1, 2019 at 01:25
(Gemini) beep » ~Masha~
glad to see we can relate lol
and suicide karma? how sweet. time to transform then i guess, thank you

also this moon conjuct pluto is VERY accurate wow.
Posts: 29-5 4-1
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