What is actually happening

June 2, 2022 at 17:53 (UT/GMT)
(Cancer) rohinivenus
What is actually happening
I´m in a very sad dark place. After the past 3 years being very stressful and event after event. Here I am again feeling like I am breaking down yet another illusion in my life. I´m angry and very much at myself.majorly upset at my parents and my dad as it seems ´whatever´ is wrong with my parents and their version on what it is to parent its like, why do I have to deal with this situation at 34. I have my own kids to raise and it´s like my parents just suck all the air out the room and somehow everything is about them. I never thought this before, but seriously I´d be okay with not having been born to my parents, they both were not ready and I´m the asshole who is left to deal with the fall out. Who needs enemies when you have parents who accidentally dump all their fears upon you and I spent so much time thinking I was the problem and stupidity went along with this stupid plan to move back home when I´ve known all along how much my parents don´t see me for the person I am. I hate myself for coming here. I resent my parents for all the times I feel they tried to brainwash me into thinking all these issues and emotional manipulation was okay. I really hate having anything to do with them. I hate that I know as soon as I pull myself out of this situation they are both going to get amnesia about the he´ll they created in this time of crisis. I already felt like crap and it´s like my dad I really wish he never had kids, and to think I always wanted more siblings. I thank God I don´t have more, I can´t even cry, I can´t release, there is no release.i don´t want to be anything like the person I am. I have wasted so much energy in my like with my parents trying to force what feels like a different person down my throat. I´m truly sorry that they got stuck with me as a child.but I´m suppose to smile and be grateful and happy cause they aren´t physically abusive. My dad told me I´m the reason he and my mom might get a divorce and I´m a liar and I´m a user. And here I am feeling horrible because of my situation and now when I´d need understanding and compassion my dad tells me all this stuff and I don´t yell, I don´t cry, I just listen and say okay. He told me he doesn´t care how I feel and I said okay, but then he asks me to tell him what I really want to say about him, I tell him nothing. I don´t feel the need to want to hurt him, I just want to be free. I don´t want to deal with any of this anymore.i don´t have anyone to talk to. I´m trying to hold it together, my kids, my husband. It´s not their issue. My husband is going thru his own ketu period, it´s been he´ll.

I recently looked at my dad´s chart and mine and my asc is right on his ketu and I have ketu in my 9th house- and my sun in cancer. My mom has spent a large amount of time gas lighting me that I´m a daddy´s girl, and that everything is fine, I feel like it literally took this last conversation with my dad for her to see that he has a problem, prior to that I feel like she wanted me to fix him like a goal we have together like I have no other purpose. What hellish transit is this.
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June 6, 2022 at 14:35
(Cancer) rohinivenus
Just an update. I´ve been thinking about the energy and issues. The situation with my parents feel like a black hole. Between the both of them, they suck all the energy and life and happiness and it seems like they suck reality into their own warped perception of it. My dad is ridged and wants everything to be so cut dry and clinical, but he says really negative stuff doesn´t know how to apologize and or doesn´t think he needs to( he has Pluto in his 2nd house- moon in his 1st house in leo) his sun in in libra, so already asc and moon in Leo, sun libra, fire and air,his mouth can destroy things and that is exactly what has happened here. He has poisoned me his daughter and any future relationship. My mom on the other hand, can be smothering and I feel attempts to control me for the goal of trying to keep the status quo yet she is also thrown back from my dad´s statements. She doesn´t have a problem with the living arrangement...which in short....my dad offered for us to move out here and stay here till we got our own place. My husband had a job lined up but it didn´t work out. From there it has been 3 months and my husband has a job now. But my dad basically finds it unacceptable that he didn´t find a job sooner, and basically said he thinks we are using him and also that my husband wasnt looking for a job.my dad is very self oriented, moon in first house) he literally said he has made people give him a job...anyway...my mom is scared that my dad is going basically ruin things but she for a long time has made excuses and just prayed on my dad´s better nature. The huge back fire of this, is that it appears she is trying to always warn people about my dad and is bad habits but always wants others to be forgiving of him while he is learning....as if he is not causing any damage or hurt, like he´s the only person learning and living at the same time. I have felt brainwashed in the past because it felt like my mom wanted me to walk on egg shells and just always be concerned about how my dad will take things.my mom has other issues as well but a small example of the unhealthy environment I was raised in that still persist is, my 11 year old got her report card, the grading system was confusing, it was words like above proficiency, proficient, basic, minimal, then MINIMAL, then needs to improve. You can´t put a b or c in place of these words and my daughter got mostly proficient and some basics. I told my daughter she did good, later my mom told me she ´hid´ my daughters report card under my pillow, I said why, she said because she can´t explain to my dad what the grades mean.
So she acts like it is a huge problem that he won´t understand it
The hiding things is showing another like she´d rather go out of her way to hide shit than tell my dad she doesn´t know?

On a separate note my dad feels like he´s always the bad guy, well my mom treatable him like he is based off his actions and he does BAD guy shit...

My dad told me never to come back, he also said he would be find if he never saw my kids again. Weeks later he said I know I said some harsh shit, but we can start over, yay no, I´m not continuing this cycle.

The main thing I´m proud of myself for is he can´t claim I yelled at him or cursed him out.

My mom can talk for hours about about my dad and how much he has grown and it feel like that is her whole life´s purpose, she has made me feel like my focus should be my dad and our relationship and making it better, she obsessively can´t help it and we have an easier relationship but it´s like I have to unstick her from me. And the black hole energy is it feel like when there is any issue...it´s like to my parents nothing else exists. And my dad is ridged in what he talks about or thinks with me and my mom solely focuses on what we need to say to my dad or do so that my dad can feel better....all this at a time when many people have rental issues and job issues but my dad is acting like that has nothing to do with us having a problem getting a job and a rental...it´s like he willfully doesn´t want any of that to matter because I guess it´s easier to process it as our personal failure vs a larger system failure that is out of our control. To be honest I really don´t give a crap what his exact problem is, I just know it´s not right to have the attitude that you can say whatever you want because it´s ´your house´ and for sure you tell me having a relationship with my kids is something you don´t need, by telling me that you could get over never seeing them again....why would I have my kids engage in a relationship with some one who is indifferent to having them in their lives like that? Also my dad acts like I´m going to hurt and take him for granted...yet wants to offer help...then turn around and act like he was forced to do some shit...

I´m super over it
June 4, 2022 at 18:27
(Cancer) rohinivenus » rohini moon
He´s older by 1 year. But very much my friend.
June 4, 2022 at 03:37
(Virgo) rohini moon » rohinivenus
7th lord in the 7th house... he would be a friend to you. Strong conversationalist/quick thinker. I´m just curious is he a bit younger than you? Even by 1-2 years?
June 3, 2022 at 20:31
(Cancer) rohinivenus » rohini moon
Yep got married in 2010, had 1st child in 2010.

I resent my parents.

Funny thing is my husband used to call me his best friend and I hated it but I told him he was right and he is my best friend.
June 3, 2022 at 19:16
(Virgo) rohini moon » rohinivenus
did you get married when you were around 25? or had your 1st child during that time?

car accident happened when Rahu was conj your moon in the 6th house of accidents/disputes/disruptions of daily routines..and Ketu was in your 12th over Saturn...

"Sooooòo I´m really close to being done with all this shit. "

Sag Ascendants right now, are going through a lot of upheavals related to their family. It isn´t just you.. I am seeing this with others IRL -

it´s definitely in the air with the cosmos right now...
June 3, 2022 at 19:04
(Cancer) rohinivenus » rohini moon
I had a baby in December, 10 days before he was born I got in a car crash that totalled the vehicle. That was the start of our financial situation going to crap. My son, our 4th child, is my rainbow baby and I´m so happy with him, but the reality is just harsh. My dad asked multiple times about us coming out to Stay with him and my mom to help, I turned him down but by February things were still horrible, we had just moved to a new city in a state far from home, and we had been unable to find a rental so we were in a hotel from ok m November of 2021 thru the car accident and birth, and by February we planned to move back and Starr over. But that didn´t go as planned because my husband couldn´t get a job out here, he had one sort of promised to him but it didn´t pan out and he just started working 3 days ago. My dad who invites us out here started talking like I was using him and that I´ve taken over his house. I seriously hate my life right now and I can´t see anything positive coming from this experience. I get anxiety when my dad comes home, I hate myself for bringing my family here, I hate myself for listening to my mom and even my grandmother for coming here thinking it was best for the kids, getting them out of the hotel, this is all bullshit.

Don´t get me started on the marriage because now dh said he´s trying not to resent me for us coming here, but I feel like he is conviently forgetting the issues we had due to the affair and kid he had. Sooooòo I´m really close to being done with all this shit. I felt like we did heal from the affair but honestly just feel like I´m tired of the people in my life learning lesson on me while hurting me and I guess I´m supposed to just be understanding. Seriously feel like I´ve missed the mark or something
June 3, 2022 at 18:14
(Virgo) rohini moon » rohinivenus
"my husband had an affair and it resulted in a child."

my heart sank when I read that.. deeply disturbing. My mother did that to my father. I feel for you....but I wonder if it´s not more psychologically damaging to stay with such a person.. but that´s your choice, and I am no one to tell you or anyone what to do. We have to learn our own path..

Anyway, first thing I noticed was Rahu in the 4th house... bingo.. all the family issues stem from this. Rahu will bring major disruption to your family life/upbringing and and to your marital life. Usually Rahu in 4th house/or Cancer sign will have the person be so preoccupied with the chaos and disruption that Rahu is causing in their own immediate family that it in turn takes their attention away from spouse/children and instead puts their focus on the drama coming from their parents/and or siblings. It´s a slippery slope whenever Rahu sits in a house/sign directly related to the family.

Your 7th house lord is pretty strong though, and I can see your relationship with your husband is STRONGLY built on the bonds of communication.. You two are (or were) friends, I´d say, who strongly rely on communication in your union.

But...back to the nodes.. Rahu will always push you towards wanting that nourishment -particularly from the mother - but never actually fulfilling this desire. Ketu in the 10th would show your father too also never being fully "there" always detached in some way.. could be something as simple as that maybe he wasnt available to you during your upbringing because he worked a lot. But there is definitely a sense of your parents being outsiders in some way. Also, in vedic... using bhavat bhavam - the 4th and 10th house are feeding their energy back into your 7th house - the partnership.

So it all ties together..

sometimes you have to do what´s right for yourself... and nevermind the outside influences. Do right by you and your children and everything else will fall into place..You can be different than than your own parents, by learning from their horrible mistakes - correcting that and in turn doing better for your own children. You wouldn´t want your kids to have to go through the nonsense that you have had to endure, I am sure.. There are always lessons in life. Lessons are repeated until learned, I tend to think.. so learn from these lessons and utilize the things that were taught to you from them - to be a better person/parent than your own were. Best advice really....

I wish you luck, fellow Rohini.. :74: :68: :17:
June 3, 2022 at 14:31
(Scorpio) JessSezItSoftly » rohinivenus
I really feel for you.....

Continue to be strong and find ways to choose different (better) more healthier (ways) daily decisions for your kids, yourself, your husband, then your parents...

I know it´s not easy (it´s not easy for me either) but sometimes you have to prioritize and realize that doing the same things and expecting different results (especially with difficult people) is insanity and will keep you in the hamster wheel....

I would seriously say find help from others... reach out and see what would be helpful to make things less burdensome on you that way you can manage your own family in a healthier way...

Your parents are grown adults too...

Sometimes you need to be firm with them too on what your thoughts, feelings, and needs are...

You matter just as much as everyone else. And obviously people DO need you!!

So, focus on how you can delegate and remember, you are the boss of your own daily activities. (I have to remind myself of that too. Lol)

If you are doing the best you can day to day, in helping (or taking care of everyone) and people dont understand that, that´s too bad...

The Important thing is food, shelter, rest, and trying to make better decisions.

Dont give up. You just have to figure out what works better...

It´s okay to receive and get help from others. So reach out.
June 3, 2022 at 12:06
(Cancer) rohinivenus » JessSezItSoftly
I´m spent and to quote Supernatural, " sometimes the bus just wants to go off the rails" seriously ketu in my 9th, and Pluto on my MD I´ve accepted a long time ago something was just off and missing regarding my relationship with my dad.my mom, I hadn´t analyzed the relationship from my tropical but in vedic my moon being in the 6th house gave it all these issues. My mom is smothering very imposing and it has taken a lot for her to ´realize´ certain issues with my dad are not my doing.
June 3, 2022 at 05:03
(Taurus) nutelina
Some people here complain that I complain about my parents so I know...
June 3, 2022 at 04:53
(Scorpio) JessSezItSoftly

A standing ovation!!!


I applaud you......

I could feeeel your venting so hard and I commend you for releasing it.....

I hear you!! My parents have issues too and can definitely drive me crazy sometimes!

I´m sure there is probably a lot of us that can admire and relate to you speaking up and venting your truth...

I´m sure its one of your first steps for healing and holding yourself more accountable to your own healthy needs!!

I think that what you are speaking can also be a healing to others because they can see they´re not alone in this world of chaos sometimes, ESPECIALLY over the past few years....

I think you are on the right track and need to stay strong!!

You can do it!!

You obviously have too much on your plate.... and trying to do it all at once (so to speak) or take un an unrealistic amount on your own...

I´m here if you need a listening ear or someone to cheer you on...

I know there are dark days but there is also good ones to come!

Take things a step at a time, and do nice things for yourself! Ask for help... and find ways of having a support system.
June 3, 2022 at 03:15
(Leo) Hermetic Dreamer » rohinivenus
I´m so sorry to hear about your experiences, I can´t even imagine. The next year may still be rough, but the following 3 years after that should quiet down a lot. When you are 36 you will be able to focus more on yourself. Saturn is your ascendant ruler and is in the 12th house by sign. The 12th house is Saturn´s joy. Saturn is all about hard lessons. If you get into meditation, spent some time alone to process all that you have been through, you will come out a lot better for it. There is a lot of self help materials online that may help you with what you are going through. Your Gemini Moon shows you should be good with research. If you can´t face it alone, then definitely get a therapist involved though. Saturn´s path is a hard one, but you can come out very strong afterwards.
June 3, 2022 at 02:45
(Cancer) rohinivenus » Hermetic Dreamer
Thank you for your time. I´ve had a rough past few years and naively I just wanted to believe that this year would just be a bit smoother. But nay, car crash, unemployment, homelessness, birth of a child, a miscarriage before that, marital issues. I mean....I almost a t feel like it´s no point to reading my chart, it´s just a shit show
June 2, 2022 at 21:51
(Leo) Hermetic Dreamer
I´m so sorry you are going through this right now. You don´t deserve any of this abuse.

Looking at your chart using whole sign houses, I see that you are in a Scorpio 11th house profection year that started last July. Pluto is strong in that sign conjunct the MC, so Scorpio and Pluto themes are supposed to pop up and it seems they have. Mars is activated as well, who also rules your 4th house of parents. Mars is currently transiting there, showing recent troubles with parents and home. Your solar return ascendant is in your 4th house Aries conjunct your natal Jupiter, showing that themes of home will be in focus and Mars is activated once again. Your solar return Mars also makes a trine to your solar return ascendant making it even more apparent(pun intended?).

Good news is your birthday is coming up in less than two months, so this means a change, but I´m still seeing themes related to home/parents. But also more of a focus on 7th house issues like your partnerships. So I can´t say your parent issues will go away in a year, but they will change. Since you have a day chart, Mars gives you the most trouble and Jupiter helps you the most. So this upcoming profection year should be gentler. It is a 12th house profection year, so it may mean that you have to isolate yourself from your parents to recuperate. So if you can take a break from your parents maybe you should. Saturn and Uranus are in this sign in your birth chart, so the transits you want to keep an eye on are Jupiter, Saturn, and Uranus. Moon is the ascendant ruler of your solar return, so Moon transits might affect you more too.

I hope you can take solace in the fact that what is happening to you is not your fault. As you can see by your chart you were going to have problems with your parents this past year, and maybe this year too. The good news is that this is temporary. Sure what your parents have done can´t be undone, but what you are feeling can change. You will get relief in the future, you just have to hang on. You are not alone, I have friends with shitty parents. One disowned them, changed their name, and avoids them entirely. Do what you have to do to stay healthy. I highly recommend that you see a therapist first chance you can. You shouldn´t have to deal with this alone. I wish you well.

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